Chapter 73: A Winter Day, Senpai’s Answer

"I'm sorry. I know I’ve said this over and over, but I really didn’t mean to intrude."

"That’s… all right."

Standing there in Ayumu-san’s hospital room was a jet-black–haired Uma Musume—Special Week.

She was supposed to become my rival in the upcoming Arima Kinen.

From that perspective, the idea that she might be here to spy on us wasn’t completely out of the question… but the flower arrangement she held made it clear that wasn’t the case.

"...So it was you, Special Week-senpai, who’s been bringing the flowers?"

I came here every day, so of course I’d noticed.

The arrangements decorating the room had been increasing day by day. By now, the hospital room was filled with so many flowers that you couldn’t count them on both hands.

That’s how I knew.

It wasn’t me, Masa-san, or Bourbon-chan.

Someone had been visiting in the morning—or before I arrived—to bring flowers as a get-well gift.

I thought that person might have been Spe-chan… but—

"It’s not just me," she said with a gentle smile. "A lot of us owe Horino Trainer-san. Just among the ones I know, I’ve heard that Sei-chan and McQueen-san have come by."

…Oh. I see.

Ayumu-san really had helped so many Uma Musume.

Sei-chan… I don’t know much about Sky-senpai. But Ayumu-san once said he’d worked hard to make the Takarazuka Kinen the best stage possible, so maybe—outside of my view—he’d given her advice or encouragement, or done something for her in his own way.

As for McQueen-san, I’d heard that story directly from Ayumu-san. Before the Tenno Sho (Autumn), McQueen-san had developed psychological issues. Ayumu-san believed he might be able to resolve them and contacted her trainer. As a result, McQueen-san became deeply grateful to him, and at the Tenno Sho (Autumn), she delivered the best performance imaginable.

And it wasn’t just senpai. It was his peers, too.

Teio had carried the risk of injury going into the Derby. I’d seen it in the anime—likely based on historical events from a past life—a fateful fracture. Ayumu-san couldn’t prevent it entirely, but by pointing out the risks to her trainer, he managed to significantly shorten her recovery period. In the anime of that past life, she returned in the spring of the following year. In this world, she returned at this year’s Arima Kinen. Roughly four months—nearly half the time—cut away. There was no doubt Ayumu-san’s efforts had played a role.

The same was true for Nature.

Ayumu-san worked tirelessly to make our regular joint training sessions happen. While threading those sessions into my schedule, he analyzed Nature’s condition and physical abilities in meticulous detail—on par with how one would analyze their own assigned Uma Musume. All so nothing would go wrong. And if possible, so Nature could soar even higher.

During joint training, he treated her exactly the same as me, never drawing any distinction, raising her with equal care.

And surely, that wasn’t all.

I just happened to clearly know about four of them.

In reality, he must have helped many, many more Uma Musume—doing so with an expression as if it were only natural.

Casually sharing know-how with fellow trainers—things that normally wouldn’t leave one’s own household.

Or thoroughly training Masa-san so she could stand on her own as soon as possible.

And then…

On a cold winter night beneath a pale, white moon, saving a single Uma Musume.

All to save "her," someone forever out of his reach…

Ayumu-san must have extended his hand to just about everyone—Uma Musume and humans alike.

And the result of all that effort was the flowers filling this hospital room.

He had undeniably saved countless people and Uma Musume. The overwhelming colors adorning this white room proved it beyond doubt.

And yet…

And yet, was he still unable to acknowledge himself?

Unable to accept the truth—that so many Uma Musume and people had been saved by him?

Spe-chan placed the small arrangement she’d brought on the table and scratched her cheek awkwardly.

"Um… well, I don’t want to interrupt your time together, so maybe I should be going now?"

…She was being considerate.

Even though Spe-chan hadn’t been racing officially lately, she was a senior-class Uma Musume in her third year. I hadn’t heard any rumors of trouble with her trainer, so they were probably on good terms. That was exactly why she understood how heavy it was for a trainer to fall unconscious—and how rude it would be to intrude on the time between a trainer and their assigned Uma Musume.

…It’s true that part of me felt like my time with Ayumu-san had been interrupted.

But if she hadn’t come… I probably would’ve been crushed by helplessness and frustration, unable to do anything at all.

To be honest… the thought of being alone with Ayumu-san right now scared me. I was afraid the weak part of me would surface.

"No… if you don’t mind, would you like to talk for a bit? I think the trainer would be happier knowing more people came to visit."

"Really? Thank you."

After looking surprised, Spe-chan smiled faintly—just a little sadly—and accepted my offer. She pulled over a chair that had been pushed into the corner of the room and sat down beside me.

---

Looking at Spe-chan again, she was almost exactly how I remembered her.

…But not completely. There was a subtle difference.

For example, her neatly trimmed jet-black hair and white blaze seemed just a little longer than I remembered. She was also slightly taller than my image of her.

Her youthful face, once so strongly ingrained in my mind, now looked more beautiful—sharper, more refined.

When an Uma Musume enters her prime, her body rapidly grows and then stabilizes. In extreme cases, it’s said they can grow from the 140-centimeter range to 180 centimeters in just a month—and then neither grow nor shrink for the next three years.

Which also means that once those three years of full development end, their physique can change again.

The Spe-chan sitting before me now was probably a "Special Week-senpai" I didn’t know—someone who was already two years past her prime.

But then… why had she come to visit?

Where was her connection to my trainer? She said she owed him, but when…?

"Um, Special Week-senpai…"

"Just call me Spe. Everyone does."

"Then, Spe-senpai. Where did you meet my trainer?"

When I asked, Spe-chan went "uh…" and took on a nostalgic expression before beginning her story.

"The first time we met was about a year ago, I think. We were gradually increasing non-race appearances in preparation for this year’s Arima Kinen, and I took part in a small New Year’s event. That’s where we met.

"He was wearing a trainer badge, and Wilm-chan was famous, so I immediately thought, ‘Oh, that’s Wilm-chan’s trainer.’ But… when he suddenly asked me to introduce him to Seiun Sky, that really surprised me."

"Introduce him… to Sky-senpai?"

"Yeah. He said, ‘There’s something I absolutely need to tell her before the Tenno Sho (Spring).’ Even so, it was too sudden, so I turned him down that day."

Ayumu-san… doing something like that this New Year?

Maybe after going to the shrine with me, he’d contacted Spe-chan?

…As I thought, he’d been doing all sorts of things in all sorts of places, without telling me.

Even if he tried to focus solely on me…

In truth, everyone—every human, every Uma Musume—must have been someone he wanted to help.

"But I figured I’d at least hear him out," Spe-chan continued. "After that, he gave me lots of advice. Apparently, he helped my trainer a lot too, so I trusted him and even talked things over with Sei-chan. Yeah… that’s basically it."

"…I see."

In the end, it was just one more thing Ayumu-san had been doing outside my field of view.

I was a child—an Uma Musume—so I focused only on running.

But Ayumu-san was, at least by position, an adult. A working member of society.

He must have been forming all kinds of connections in all kinds of places.

"And," Spe-chan added, "I’d actually wanted to talk with Wilm-chan someday, too. I just never had the chance… I didn’t think it would happen at a time like this."

She said that and laughed softly.

And my emotions wavered despite myself.

…"This is the worst," I thought, hating myself.

Getting irritated over such a small, harmless smile.

It got under my skin.

That Spe-chan looked like she was enjoying herself. That she looked apologetic. That she looked fulfilled. That she looked happy.

I compared all of it to my own misery—and it made me furious.

I knew it wasn’t justified. I knew it was nothing but misplaced anger.

…I knew that.

And yet, I couldn’t suppress the surge of emotion inside me.

I can’t see Spe-chan as a racing rival right now.

All I can see her as is an enemy—an obstacle—someone who disrupts my peace and mental calm.

I really don’t have any emotional leeway left, do I?

To bare myself this badly… it’s honestly pathetic. I hate myself for it.

"…Um, are you okay?"

At those words, I lifted my gaze, which I hadn’t even realized had fallen.

Spe-chan was staring straight at me with her pale violet eyes.

If you ask whether I’m okay—the answer is no.

Because Spe-chan is right here, I can restrain myself to some extent… but even so, my heart is already shattered into pieces.

…But I know there’s no point in saying that to someone else.

I have to say I’m fine. I have to cover it up somehow.

Just as I thought that and opened my mouth—

"…Sorry. That was a really stupid question. There’s no way you’d be okay."

Saying that, Spe-chan lightly shook her head.

"I think… I understand how you feel, at least a little."

You understand?

…This feeling?

There’s no way. No one could possibly understand this storm of emotions swirling inside me.

Resentment boiled into raw emotion within my chest—

"I’ve had someone important to me collapse, too."

Those words froze me instantly.

---

"Suzuka-san… Silence Suzuka. You know her, right? She’s incredibly famous.

"Back when Suzuka-san was still in Japan, we were roommates in the dorms. We were really, really close.

"So… during that Tenno Sho, I was there at the track. I saw Suzuka-san’s run with my own eyes."

…That’s right.

Why had I forgotten?

I had seen that scene myself.

"When she passed the Big Keyaki, everyone thought—just like always—that Suzuka-san would win.

"But that didn’t happen… She suddenly wobbled, lost her form, and slowed down.

"At that moment… my mind just went completely blank."

A voice with no pain left in it—no, a voice that had already passed through pain, tinged with nostalgia.

That’s right. Special Week-senpai had—

She’d gone through the same experience as me.

The moment when someone you cherished, the time you believed would continue, the peace that should have remained unchanged—

All of it collapsed beyond your reach in an instant, rotting away as it "ended."

She had seen that moment too.

That’s why, probably—

She truly understood.

This unbearable frustration, this uncontrollable surge of emotion… she knew all of it.

Spe-chan loosely clenched the hands resting on her knees, glancing at Ayumu-san as she murmured,

"It hurts, doesn’t it? You keep thinking, ‘Why did this happen?’ ‘Why them?’

"But every time you think that, you realize there’s no answer. There’s nowhere to direct your feelings.

"You understand that ‘there’s nothing you can do’… and that’s what hurts the most."

…Yes.

I’ve been carrying that storm inside myself this whole time.

"And I did say I understand, but… in my case, Suzuka-san woke up quickly.

"So it was much easier than what Wilm-chan is going through. I could believe she’d recover someday, that she’d come back—even if it was just forced optimism."

"So I can’t fully understand everything you’re feeling. I’m sorry."

Spe-chan lowered her eyes as she said that, looking genuinely apologetic.

It’s true—my memory, my experience, is probably unique.

Maybe Spe-chan had never felt such cold, crushing despair before.

…Even so.

Even if it was only similar.

The fact that someone could share even part of these feelings made my heart feel lighter.

…And yet.

Or perhaps because of that—

"That’s why I was worried. Wilm-chan is going through something much harder than I did. So I thought… maybe you might break.

"But… I’m glad. You still seem okay. Wilm-chan, you’re a strong girl."

Those words—

They cut far deeper into my heart than I expected.

"…I’m not strong at all.

"I’m… I’ve been scared this whole time… terrified…!"

Before I realized it, the words were already spilling from my throat.

"The trainer—Ayumu-san—might die like this…! And even so, even so I can’t do anything… I’ve always been the one being saved, and yet I can’t do anything for him… not a single thing…!!

"I can’t forgive myself for that! And—and… I’m scared of that reality…!"

I vomited the words out, driven purely by emotion.

I don’t even know if what I’m saying still makes sense.

A grotesque, chaotic tangle of feelings, churned beyond recognition.

I threw it all at the person in front of me—at reality itself.

"I’m not strong! I can’t do anything, I can’t help him at all…! My parents gave birth to me… I was born into this world… and yet I can’t do a single thing…!!

"Even when I try to run for Ayumu-san’s sake, fear never leaves my mind—not for a second! That I might never see him again, that I might never talk to him again…!

"I’ve… I’ve always been the one getting saved… and yet I can’t even save Ayumu-san once… not even once…!"

It hurts.

Being able to do nothing.

Not being able to save him.

The possibility that I might never speak with him again.

That "maybe" grips my legs and won’t let go.

At some point, something dripped onto the fists I’d clenched tight. My vision blurred, and I could no longer see the world clearly.

"I’m… I’m scared of that…"

Putting words to my unstable, formless heart made me feel like I finally understood myself.

I’m just scared.

Because I’ve learned that happiness and peace come with no guarantees.

Because I’ve learned that everyday life can collapse without warning.

Because I’m no longer a child who can blindly believe in a happy future and an unbroken routine.

That’s why… the future scares me.

I can’t stop thinking that things might get even worse.

"I’m not strong at all. I’m just… an Uma Musume who can’t do anything."

Even if you call me a reincarnated Uma Musume, or say I have cheats—

In the end… I’m just an Uma Musume born into this world.

I can’t save Ayumu-san. I can’t even run on my own.

I’m just an ordinary Uma Musume.

…If only I were stronger.

If I really had some all-powerful cheat—

Then maybe I could have saved Ayumu-san.

I hang my head, crushed by my own helplessness.

There’s nothing I can do.

Even saying things like "I have to win for Ayumu-san’s sake" is, in the end, nothing more than an excuse—just a way to avert my eyes from this painful reality.

The wish I truly want to see fulfilled—"I want Ayumu-san to wake up"—

That’s something completely beyond my reach.

Unconsciously, I stretch out my hand, and my fingers brush against the side rail of the bed.

All I feel is a cold surface… the warmth I truly want isn’t there at all.

The world really is cold and unforgiving—

Just as that thought begins to settle in—

…But.

"There’s no such thing as being able to do nothing."

Tap.

Warmth blooms atop my hand.

When I look, I see Spe-chan’s hand resting gently over mine, which is gripping the rail.

"It’s true—we’re not gods. We can’t heal injured people or save them directly."

Even so—

Spe-chan continues.

"But that doesn’t mean there’s nothing we can do.

What we Uma Musume can do… is carry things on our backs, run, and believe."

Those words were filled with conviction—the conviction of a senior Uma Musume.

Someone who had started running long before me, who had continued running under the watchful eyes of countless people, arriving at her own conclusion.

"Carrying the dreams and wishes of many people, running in our own ways… and above all, believing in ourselves, our trainers, and the world."

"The world…?"

"Yeah. The world around us.

…Right now, I think the world has been cruel to you, Wilm-chan, and you’ve lost the ability to trust anything.

You probably think that something even worse might be waiting just one second ahead, that after one more day passes, things will only get worse and worse.

But that’s not how it is."

With her hand still resting over mine, Spe-chan spoke softly.

"It’s true—the world is full of painful, bitter things. There’s unfairness, bad timing, and moments when you’re put through the worst possible experiences.

…Even so, I believe this.

If an Uma Musume continues to run while believing in herself and her trainer, the world will respond."

Those words were vague and abstract—unsupported by any concrete proof.

If you keep believing and running, the world will respond…

It would have been so much easier if I could dismiss that as nothing but empty talk.

…So much easier.

But I remember.

The Takarazuka Kinen, where everything was on the line.

My unstable relationship with Ayumu-san. The unopened territory between us. Legs that felt like they might give out.

Even with all that weighing on me, I still ran—desperately, all the way to the end—

And the victory I managed to grasp.

Because of that…

I can’t completely deny Spe-chan’s words.

"…And there’s one more thing," she added. "Something I regret."

"Regret…?"

"I was much weaker than you, Wilm-chan.

Even after Suzuka-san woke up, my head was still completely filled with thoughts of her… I couldn’t focus on what was right in front of me at all."

"That’s… but isn’t that only natural—"

Anyone would be consumed by worry if someone important to them got hurt.

…No.

Maybe that’s not quite right.

Ayumu-san fell into a coma, and I immediately became overwhelmed.

But those two are different.

Bourbon-chan and Masa-san are still pushing themselves every day—training, working, doing everything they can.

For Bourbon-chan, Ayumu-san is her one and only trainer.

For Masa-san, Ayumu-san is family—someone absolutely irreplaceable.

And yet…

They’re still moving forward, even while clearly in pain.

I’ve almost lashed out at them before—wondering how they could seem so composed, whether Ayumu-san really mattered to them, whether they were even worried at all.

In the end, I didn’t even have the strength to voice those thoughts.

But that’s because—

"No. That’s not it."

Spe-chan gently shook her head.

"I couldn’t believe.

I couldn’t truly believe, from the bottom of my heart, that Suzuka-san would return to the turf.

I couldn’t believe that Suzuka-san would naturally stand back up again.

So I doubted… and I became afraid."

Because you don’t believe in someone, you become afraid.

If you truly believe, there’s no fear—

You simply keep running while waiting for the day they stand back up.

You desperately fill the gaps, preparing for the moment they return—whenever that might be.

Spe-chan’s words quietly conveyed that truth.

"My regret is this: because I couldn’t believe in Suzuka-san, there were times when I couldn’t fully focus on racing. No matter how many years pass, I can’t forget that.

…So I want you to believe, Wilm-chan.

Someday, the person you cherish will come back. Please… believe in that person."

…Believe.

Believe that Ayumu-san will wake up.

Like Bourbon-chan, who answered without hesitation, declaring she would wait for her master’s return.

Like Masa-san, who carries an unimaginable mental burden, yet still desperately fills her brother’s absence every single day.

That—

Maybe that’s what I should be doing right now.

Perhaps that’s the very thing I need to do.

---

As she finished speaking, Spe-senpai pulled her hand away, her face flushing slightly in embarrassment.

"Ah—ahaha! Sorry, I got a little carried away and tried to sound cool!

Um—well, anyway… let’s do our best together at the Arima Kinen!"

The aura she’d had just moments ago—like that of a battle-hardened veteran—vanished, and she returned to being just a girl once more.

…Come to think of it, Spe-senpai is still a student in the upper division.

The age gap between us is only about three years.

If you factor in past-life experience, you could even say she’s lived less than I have.

And yet…

Special Week-senpai is… this strong.

Maybe it’s because she was born into the brutal era known as the Golden Generation, gaining an extraordinary amount of life experience as a result.

Or maybe that very quality is what made her worthy of being called "Japan’s best."

I don’t know which it is yet.

But there’s one thing I’m certain of.

As a senior who came before me, Spe-senpai showed me a path forward.

"…Thank you very much. I’d been bottling up my emotions for so long… this really helped."

"H–Hey, no, not at all! I didn’t do anything that impressive! Come on, lift your head already!"

As I bowed deeply, Spe-senpai panicked, waving both hands frantically. Then she muttered, "Ah," and began rummaging through the bag slung over her shoulder.

From inside, she pulled out a single notebook that looked brand new.

"R–Right! Even if you tell yourself to believe, it’s hard when your feelings are all tangled up, right? You can have this notebook. Just scribble down whatever you’re thinking or feeling, all at once. Or go sing your heart out at karaoke, or vent everything to a friend you trust! I think that’ll help you feel a lot better!"

"Th–Thank you very much…"

The moment she handed me the notebook, Spe-senpai muttered, "Ugh… this wasn’t how I meant it to go…," zipped up her bag, and hurriedly stood up.

"Well then, I should get going!"

…With how embarrassed she looks, maybe she cooled off and realized she’d tried a bit too hard to sound cool.

From my point of view, though…

She really was the coolest, best senpai imaginable.

"Spe-senpai."

"Y–Yes?"

"Let’s meet again at the Arima Kinen. …I really appreciate your help, but the one who’s going to win is me."

It might still be a little awkward, but I turned a smile toward Spe-senpai as she was about to walk away.

In response, she smiled back—bright, happy, and just a little relieved.

"Yeah! Let’s make it a great race!"

…So this is what a protagonist looks like after finishing her own story, unlike Teio.

Cool, dignified, gentle, dependable… and above all, fast and strong—the ultimate Uma Musume.

…I can’t afford to lose.

Deep in my heart, which had nearly frozen over, I felt a flame ignite once more.

---

There isn’t much worth recounting about the two weeks that followed.

First, Ayumu-san… never woke up.

With his eyes still closed, his consciousness shut away, he remains in a hospital bed even now.

…But that’s okay.

Because I believe—truly believe—that he will wake up someday.

Even if I can’t bring myself to believe in happiness, in everyday life, or in the world itself…

I know I can believe in the person who reached out and took my hand.

And so, I…

Trained relentlessly.

Since that conversation with Spe-senpai, I still wasn’t in my usual peak condition, but I was able to focus on training to a reasonable degree.

So under Masa-san’s watchful eye, I just kept running.

I don’t think winning will save Ayumu-san.

Masa-san said, "If you don’t win, my brother will despair," but I don’t see it that way.

What he wants isn’t some simple, obvious result like victory. It’s something far vaguer and harder to grasp—but far more precious.

…Even so.

I should be able to make Ayumu-san happy when he wakes up someday.

I want to become an Uma Musume worthy of him.

Just like how he saved me that day…

Someday, I want to become an Uma Musume who can save him in return.

But I can’t make him wake up, and I can’t erase his past trauma.

Just like Spe-senpai said, I’m only an ordinary Uma Musume who can carry things on her back, run forward, and believe.

…So at the very least.

So that someday, he can smile.

So that he can feel even a little glad and say, "I’m happy to be your trainer."

I will shoulder my trainer’s expectations, run the Arima Kinen, and believe in his awakening.

I strip off my school uniform and change into a monochrome inner layer and a deep crimson jacket.

Then—with a sharp click—I flick the brooch at my chest with my fingertip.

Watching quietly yet brilliantly as ash-colored stars scatter in the mirror…

I nod once.

"…Alright. Let’s go."

December 22.

The final decisive battle of the year.