Chapter 23: "Should I Even Acknowledge Her?" That's the Question

"Should I Even Acknowledge Her?" That's the Question

"Mama, Mama ♡ Praise me more?"

"Yes, yes, you're so great, you're so cute, Kagari-chan is my pride and joy."

"Yay! I did it! Babuuu~!"

Now, what should I do?

It's been a few days since the incident that made Kagari-chan believe I was her real mother, but that delusion hasn't disappeared, and she still clings to me, calling me "Mama, Mama."

In fact, as time has passed, those memories that shouldn't exist have become stronger. At first, they were just vague anecdotes, but now she's created a fictional account of our daily lives, from the time I gave birth to her at the hospital until today.

How can I put it, it's frankly terrifying.

What's even more terrifying is that she said things like, 'I'm sure Mama my always liked gyoza, right?' or 'But she doesn't like xiaolongbao, right?' and the fact that those things actually true is really scary.

Don't try to figure out things I never said based on your imagination.

She's made up 16 years' worth of family memories and kept talking about them at length, so I've been having dreams about them lately. I don't want to dream the scenes of me, a mother, baking sweets with my daughter, Kagari, and I don't want the scenes of the chocolate separating and failing, resulting in us both laughing bitterly.

And what's even more terrifying is the current situation.

Do you understand? She's not just babbling silly, you know? Don't underestimate Hanabi Kagari's abnormality, okay?

When I visited her the next day after that incident, she had a bib and rattle waiting for me from somewhere.

It's only natural, she puts a bib on herself and even sucks on a pacifier.

Right now, I'm rocking a rattle while soothing a really big baby. When I shake the rattle, she giggles innocently. From the outside, it looks like a sweet smile, but when you look at the whole picture, it's a surefire turn-off.

And what's more, this isn't just baby play. It's not some lukewarm story about Kagari awakening to a new sexual fetish or anything like that.

This is rewriting memories, overwriting a fait accompli.

She's creating a heartwarming tale of love between Yuri-mama and her daughter, Kagari-chan, and now she's replacing it with fact to brighten it up.

And what's more, she's unaware of this, and after everything's done, she brags with a straight face, "I used to love having my mama shake my rattle, and I used to do it all the time."

That incident only happened a few minutes ago, rather than a long time ago, but in her mind it's classified as a memory from over a decade ago.

Basically, I'm steadily becoming Kagari's mom.

...I wonder if I should acknowledge her or something. I have no memories of giving birth, but memories of raising her are slowly building up.

"Mama..."

"Yes, yes, what is it? Kagari-chan's been a really good girl today, hasn't she?"

"No, I mean, yes, she's a good girl... you know?"

The way she fidgets and looks at me gives me a bad feeling. I feel like I've seen this exact same attitude when we were playing pretend baby.

Ignoring me, Kagari has been telling me another crazy story today. 

"Mama, I'm hungry..."

"Hungry?... Eh, don't tell me...."

I really have a bad feeling about this. But Kagari-chan won't stop. She keeps charging forward like a broken train.

"So, Mama... boobs--"

"Seriously..."

Listen, Kagari-chan? Mama, no, I'm not really a mama, you know? I can't produce breast milk. Actually, it would be a problem if I did. If I could produce breast milk without being pregnant, that would be a wonder of the human body. I don't want that kind of wonder.

"Hey, Kagari-chan? I can't produce breast milk..."

"Ugh... sniff"

Please stop!

Don't sound like you're on the verge of crying.

You want to make me seem like I'm in the wrong, don't you?!

I haven't done anything wrong with Kagari-chan, which is rare for me!

Basically, what she does is a prank of a disgusting kind, but when it comes to her, she's just decided I'm her mom and is whining about it?!

I admit that I was acting like a total affirmation machine at first, but there's no way I could have predicted something like this.

...

Ah, come on!

"It's fine, if you want to drink it, go ahead and do it!"

"Yayy, yaa!"

She quickly unbuttoned my uniform blouse and pushed my bra aside, exposing my breasts, and then she approached me with her face, straight ahead, like a dog that had just been offered food.

She immediately took my right nipple into her mouth and began to suck on it. 

"Ah, does it taste good? Of course not. I mean, nothing's coming out."

"Ouch, ouch!"

"You don't have to suck so hard, what's not coming out won't come out... But really, Kagari-chan, are you really that much of a baby? You were speaking Japanese just now."

Sigh, what am I doing?

Breastfeeding a truant girl after school (I tell you, what's not coming out won't come out!!).

That's pure perversion. If the police were here, they'd be the first to arrest you, I'm sure.

No, the police in a place like this should be the first to arrest themselves. That's how bad the situation is.

After about five minutes, Kagari finally seemed satisfied and took her mouth off my breast.

Oh no, it's all sticky with saliva. Tissue, tissue...

At first, even though I'm still a high school student, my classmate was sucking on my breast, so I had some naughty thoughts, but after being sucked for such a long time, I just felt nothing, nothing.

All I could think at the end was; I wish it would just be over soon.

Why do I have to experience such real emotions before I can attain motherhood? I didn't want to know what it feels like to breastfeed.

Ah, stop it, stop. she's like, "I've finished drinking, so let me burp." Why does Kagari-chan so often demand realism?

Because to her, this is real, a definite memory that happened in the past? Seriously, what's wrong with you? Is it just me? Why your face look paler? Seriously, why?

"Was it delicious, Kagari-chan?"

"Yes, it was great! I'm so full! Thanks, Mama!"

"..."

That can't be.

I swear, nothing is coming out of my breasts. You're not drinking anything, and it's not filling your stomach. It's not improving your complexion or anything.

"Mama's breast milk is slightly salty, but also sweet, you know? And it's slightly warm, and it makes me feel loved! I love it!"

"...That's good to hear."

I'm not going to criticize you for writing a food review of something you haven't even tried.

What's with that, sweet and salty and warm? Is my breast milk like sweet sake or something?

Where did you get that idea that you're loved? That's no good, because if you write an answer that's not even mentioned in the main text, you'll get a zero for the modern literature section.

"Hey, do you remember, Mama?"

"Probably not. Because I don't know."

"It was the day of my elementary school entrance ceremony. We took a picture together at the sign in front of the school."

"As expected, that's a story I don't know again..."

It's like, really, every time she open her mouth, new memories just keep flooding out. Before this happened, she was a compulsive liar, and I wonder if that's what's helping her fabricate this memory.

Everything is fake.

It's like she developed a compulsive lie in order to be loved because she wasn't loved, and now, because she felt loved, she started lying to herself about being loved.

Her desire to be loved by her mother and the fact that she was loved by someone else for the first time somehow mixed together, and she thought, "The person who loved me is my real mother!"

And if it were her mother, she would have memories of the day. It's impossible for her not to have them, and if they didn't, it would mean that her mom didn't exist, which would mean she was back to not being loved.

Instinctively afraid of this, she creates unknown memories and fills them in order to maintain her identity.

.....

...Huh? Is this more my fault than I thought?

I've always felt like the victim, but when I carefully consider Kagari's changes from the beginning, it all seems to stem from me, like there's no escape...

Maybe this is something I should take seriously and acknowledge?

Do I have to admit that I gave birth to Kagari when I was zero years old? Uhh, for humanitarian reasons, that's just....

"I love you, Mama~♡ We'll always be together, right?"

Do I really have to acknowledge it?

Feeling a bit of guilt and a great deal of fear, I decided to pat Kagari's head as she clung to me for now. I don't really want to think about it right now.

Author Note:

These guys are gross