Chapter 26: When You Acknowledge the Abyss, the Abyss Also Acknowledges You

When You Acknowledge the Abyss, the Abyss Also Acknowledges You

"...Mama."

"It's okay, it's not scary."

Kagari clung tightly to me, hiding behind me.

It was early morning at school, in front of the classroom door. It had been two months since she'd last been to school. The piercing cold had eased, the warmer weather had increased, and the cherry blossoms were making the news.

"Besides, it's still early in the morning, so there's probably no one in the classroom. I told you yesterday that you'd be less nervous that way, right?"

"...Yeah. I thought so."

I usually go to school around this time, so I know exactly what time it is. There's no need to be scared.

"If we just stayed here, we'd attract attention from kids who arrived later."

The two of us standing there in front of the classroom would definitely attract attention, whether we liked it or not.

When I added that, Kagari swallowed hard and looked determined.

Slowly and steadily, her grip around my waist weakened.

"Y-You know. Yeah, that's right. I'm already at school... I can't run away, and I can't run away... Right."

She gripped the classroom door tightly. It seemed she had already made up her mind.

Opening the door to an empty classroom is no big deal, but after skipping school for a few months, the classroom door must be heavier than a rocky mountain. As an honor student, I can't understand this feeling.

"--Shh."

I watched from behind as she took a deep breath, held it for a while, and then exhaled repeatedly. Deep breathing is a bit cliched, I know, but it's actually the best way to relieve tension.

"--!"

Her passion was so strong that it felt like she was being driven by it. After a long period of preparation, she had finally made up her mind.

Just as she put strength into her arms and tried to slide the door to the side...

Clang!

"You've been making a lot of noise in front of the classroom this whole time."

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!"

"What the hell is going on?!"

The classroom door automatically moved to the side before Kagari could open it, and a familiar face appeared from inside to give us a warning.

Panicked by this unexpected situation, Kagari froze up, letting out the loudest scream I'd ever heard.

It can't be helped. I said there would be no students there at that time, and there actually were.

...Well, that's my fault.

But, leaving Kagari frozen like this forever wouldn't improve things. I drag her into the classroom.

Oh, of course, I didn't forget to say hello.

"Good morning, Kikka-chan!"

We see each other every day at school, but it felt like it'd been a long time since we'd last seen each other.

•

•

"Ugh, Mama's a liar...!"

"Haha, I'm sorry. That was Mama's fault."

"Huh? Mama... Huh?!"

The classroom was chaotic in the morning, with each of the three girls reacting abnormally. There wasn't a sane person in this classroom, including me.

Kagari clung to my waist again, trembling and shaking, and unusually complaining. I stroked her head to calm her down, but Kikka's mind was suddenly on edge at the sight of our relationship.

Well, it can't be helped when it comes to Kikka.

Her childhood friend seemed to be getting along well with a kid who wasn't going to school, but now she calling her "Mama," and she doesn't deny it at all. In fact, she even refers to herself as "Mama."

...When I look at my current situation objectively, I can't help but wonder how it all ended up like this.

"Hey Yuri! What does this "Mama" thing even mean?!"

"Haha, I wonder what it means. I'm the one who wants to know too."

If I knew that, I wouldn't be struggling so much. Even if I wanted to explain, there's almost nothing I can do.

Sparing the details, all I'm saying is that after I was nice to her when she was withdrawn, she started calling me "Mama" on her own. It's a bit too far-fetched to call it just that, but I'll ignore that.

"More importantly, Kikka-chan, why are you here so early in the morning? It's too early for us to study together, isn't it?"

Kikka and I are always studying together in the classroom early in the morning.

We'd have a secret study session, just the two of us, where we'd spread out our textbooks together and help each other with any problems we didn't understand. It's a habit we've had since middle school, and we've continued it this past year.

But that's why I'd come to school 30 minutes earlier than that, confident that I'd be fine.

Really, why is she there?

When I asked Kikka about it, she tilted her head to the side in surprise.

"Why... I wonder?"

"I'm the one asking, you know..."

She looked genuinely puzzled. If she herself doesn't know, no one else knows.

...Ah, now that I think of it, this hasn't happened recently, so I'd forgotten, but was Kikka really like this in the first place?

People often misunderstand her because of her good grades, but she's actually more of an intuitive person. How should I put it, she's a muscle-brained girl. 

If anything, she's not the kind of genius character you'd find in a battle of wits or romance manga, but rather the type of class president you'd find in a hardcore fighting manga. That's Kikka-chan at her core.

It's no joke that she's snatched the ace position on the basketball team as a first-year.

She's incredibly athletic, has great athletic ability, and an incredible sense of intuition. She's a girl born with a body that's all about physical strength.

That's why her actions are determined by instinct rather than reason. She relies on her natural instincts to choose the best option for herself.

She's a physical person, after all. Combine that with her seriousness and dedication to studying, and you get the girl known as Kikka-chan. I think the best way to describe her is as a muscle-brained girl who's not stupid. That's an explanation from childhood friend No.1.

"Well, we'll be dealing with other things more or less, so I guess it's better that it was Kikka-chan, I guess."

"What do you mean, better? Hmm, Yuri?"

"Ah, ah, don't push my button now..."

Ah, that feels good.

Lately, when Kikka-chan senses even the slightest bit of rudeness in these conversations, she's started to step in, even if it's just a little thing like this.

Even now, when I say "better," she reacts by nudging me over the head. It makes me realize how much my efforts paid off when they're reflected in my everyday life.

In fact, I think it was a good thing that Kikka-chan was in the classroom.

Because Kikka-chan wasn't involved in Kagari-chan's bullying at all, she's easy to talk to, and she makes a good practice partner.

Actually, I'm not entirely sure if they're actually related, though. 

But I know for sure that Kikka was definitely not involved. If she was the type of girl who would have participated, the training I was giving her would have been much easier. Besides, if it all started with Karen, there was no way she would have participated.

For the time being, I hid the fact that she was being bullied and simply explained that, as I'd been staying with her since she was a recluse, she'd grown attached to me and started calling me "Mama."

"I'm not trying to doubt you, Yuri, but is it enough for her to become attached to you to call you "Mama"?"

"Well, that's what she ended up calling me."

"And so, since it'd been a while since she'd returned to school, she came at a time when no one would be around."

"That's right. So, she was surprised when you showed up."

"Really?"

Kikka didn't seem too convinced, but after seeing it for herself, she decided it was no use being suspicious.

Perhaps the fact that Kikka can be so reasonable and not get bogged down in logic in situations like this is proof that she's more body-oriented than brain-oriented.

When I asked her if she could help being a  practice talking partner with the classmates while she was there, Kikka readily agreed.

Kagari had been quiet the whole time while I held her around my waist, so I lightly tapped her head to get her attention.

"Kikka-chan's going to help you practice talking with your classmates, so why don't you take this opportunity to give it your best, Kagari-chan?"

"...I'll do it."

Kagari nodded and readily agreed to my suggestion.

Until recently, she refused to even let me into her room, but now she's grown into such a fine young woman...

Ah, am I just being too influenced by her to find myself feeling a little emotional? 

"So, um... Hanabi-san?"

"... What?"

"I wonder why Yuri is your Mama?"

"Why... Because she's my Mama, I can only say that."

Yes, yes, I'm glad you're having a proper conversation. I'm not sure if you're really having a proper conversation, but maybe because I've gotten used to all the nonsense we've been having lately, this seemed like a success to me.

Kikka, knowing she would not get a satisfactory answer even if she pressed on any further, changed the topic and continued the conversation.

Kikka basically asks Kagari questions, so Kagari probably feels more at ease knowing all she has to do is answer. The conversation slowly became less long and started to flow.

"Do you have a favorite food, Hanabi-san?"

"Umm, any food Mama makes! My favorite is omurice!"

"Yes, you like omurice. That's impressive that you answered so well."

"Hehehe"

It seems like the two of them have become quite close. They probably got along better than I thought.

Kagari, who has taken on the mentality of my child, and Kikka, who is generally kind to everyone, with the exception of Karen.

Kikka seems to like Kagari's innocence, as she praises her in a soft tone with a smile. Kagari, being Kagari, seems happy to receive Kikka's praise, and doesn't seem to mind.

I guess this is what they call a relaxing space. It's not my staple food, but it's still soothing.

Oh, now that I think of it, I never thought about it until now, but I've never cooked for her before. Not even omurice.

...I'm kind of getting used to the memories she makes up on her own. That's enough for now. 

"Hey, can I ask you a question this time?"

"Of course, feel free to ask me anything."

"Yes!"

Wow, she can even ask questions now. She's grown so much, you'd think she'd be amazing, my daughter. She's brilliant. 

"Kikka-chan and Mama, what's your relationship like with?"

"Well, to describe it, maybe.... childhood friends?"

"That's right, Kikka-chan and I have been good friends since we were little. We used to play together a lot."

"Wow! So that was when you were little, Mama? I can't imagine it!"

"Yuri was so adorable when she was little. I mean, cute, adorable, and kind to everyone..."

"Hey, that's embarrassing, so stop it. Talking about when we were little."

It's pretty embarrassing when Kikka keeps telling me how cute I am.

Maybe it's because she likes me so much, but since Karen was with me at the same time, she's probably filtering out her negative impressions. In reality, Karen, who I'd just met, was barely even touched by me, so she was just an ordinary, beautiful girl.

Memories tend to get distorted. I've been painfully aware of this lately, so I understand all too well.

"Childhood friends, huh? That's nice..."

"Hehe. In fact, if Yuri's your Mama, then I don't mind being your dad."

"No, I'd be okay without a dad. It'd be so sad if Mama got abandoned again."

Wow, just when I thought Kikka had suddenly stepped up her game, Kagari stepped up even more. Kikka was surprised, her mouth agape.

Meanwhile, Kagari just stared at me with those stunned eyes. Scary.

But still, you've made up some pretty sensitive plot twists out of nowhere.

"Mama was abandoned by my dad when she was young and she raised me on her own! I don't need someone acting like a father now!"

I didn't know about that plot twist either.

Without me even realizing it, I've been labeled as a single mother.

Wait, in Kagari's mind, I'm the one who was dumped by a guy? Seriously? This is quite a shock. If I had to choose, I'd be more of a dumping person, right?

…….

My head's starting to hurt, so I'll start moving my desk.

Last night, I talked to Sumire and she moved Kagari seat next to mine. She's at the very end by the window, and I'm to her right. Since it's the very back of the classroom, this is probably the position where I'll have the least amount of conversation with the people around me.

"But even so, I can't just ignore my childhood friend going through such hardship! Please, Kagari, let me support your family!"

"No way! Although I like Kikka-chan, but I don't want a dad!"

I guess we'll just leave these two idiots heating up for now. 

Kikka, you're getting pretty worked up.

Maybe it's because Kagari's memories have become fact to her. Her wild sense of smell has somehow picked up on the truth of Kikka's words, and she's attuned to them.

You really get along better than I thought.

I hear their voices from a short distance away, and I listen to them like a radio as I move between the desk of the girl behind me and Kagari's seat.

(...Come to think of it)

Suddenly, I'm alone for a bit, and my thoughts take a break, and I remember something inappropriate.

It's a memory of the last conversation we had at the Hanabi household.

The characters are me, Kagari, and Kasumi.

Since we're going to school, I had no choice but to tell her about it as a way of reporting things. 

"I've decided to go to school starting tomorrow."

"Really... Is Yuri-chan not coming over to our house anymore?"

It was the first time I'd seen that mother and daughter side by side, and I was the one who was flustered because they seemed completely uninterested in each other. It really wasn't a conversation, and neither of them was looking at each other.

Even elementary school teachers say you should look the other person in the eye when you talk.

But even though it was a pretty nerve-wracking conversation, it did end well.

I'll skip over the details, but basically, it all started when Kagari called me "Mama" and Kasumi "Grandma."

Kasumi, who hadn't shown any interest in Kagari up until then, turned her gaze towards her for the first time.

It seems like they've found a happy medium between them.

Kasumi wants me as her daughter, and Kagari wants me as her mother. A relationship that simply wouldn't work between two generations of parent and child works flawlessly when expanded to three generations.

Kasumi, who never even considered her daughter her daughter, doesn't care if Kagari becomes her granddaughter, and I take her place in the daughter's position.

For Kagari, who no longer remembers her mother as her mother, her own memories are everything, and as long as I'm her mother, nothing else matters.

With this miraculous match, I've bridged the gap between the Hanabi family.

...Yeah, I'm the bridge.

So basically...

(I can't escape anymore...)

I wanted to cut ties with that psychopath as soon as possible, but as long as I'm connected to Kagari-chan, Kasumi will follow me.

I can't cut ties with Kagari-chan until I graduate from high school either.

So, I can't keep my distance from that family for another two years!! Hahaha!!

Haha... Haha. Ha.

Sigh. Time to move my desk...

Author Note:

This concludes the story related to Kagari-chan. From next time, we'll move up to second year, and a new heroine will be introduced.

I don't plan on devoting many chapters to the remaining heroines, so if all goes well, I think I'll finish in a little around ten chapters, more or less. I only have a short time left, but I hope you'll bear with me.