Volume 4—Chapter 90: The First Surges (3)
I do not feel good.
Ever since my outing with Yuuji, there has been a strange knot in my stomach. It does not feel like pain, only a steady, nagging discomfort. My heart keeps racing. Maybe it is guilt for what I did to Yuuji.
When I got home, Irana and Mom were in the streaming room. Mom must have come back while I was out. I wanted to say hello, but the words felt heavy. I did not feel like talking. I might sleep early tonight.
Once I fell asleep, the dream came vividly and sharply. It replayed that night, the night I died. I watched my body lose strength, then the image of my previous-life mother taking her own life by stabbing her neck. The memory cut through me, and the scene flipped to a childhood moment with the boy from the slum. He was there again, smaller, running beside me. Then the dream went black.
“You still carry a big regret despite your new life, disappointing.”
I heard a voice… it was… my voice?
“You wish to do the exact opposite of your previous life? Is that really what you have done in this life?” the voice asked.
Shut up, I thought, though the reply did not come out loud.
“It seems to me you are walking the same path,” the voice said.
I answered inside my head, louder this time. Shut up.
“Just accept it. Our fate cannot be changed.”
You are wrong, I shot back. My fate, our fate, can be changed.
“Give up.”
We can change it.
“Submit.”
I refuse.
I…
I felt something shaking my body. A faint voice found me through the dream.
“Onee-chan…”
“Onee-chan, wake up.”
My eyes opened. Light and movement returned. Irana’s face leaned close.
“Onee-chan, we are going to be late if you do not wake up!” she said.
Ah. School, I remembered with a soft, embarrassed laugh.
“We should have gotten back to the dorm last night, but Onee-chan slept so deeply,” Irana said, half scolding and half amused.
“Hahaha… sorry,” I said, sitting up and trying to smooth myself into the day.
Ugh… my head hurts. It feels heavy, like there’s a pulse behind my temples. Still, I don’t want Irana to notice and start worrying. Better to just act like nothing’s wrong. I force myself up, drag my body to the bathroom, and take a bath even though the heat in my body is telling me I probably have a fever. Honestly, this is probably one of the dumbest things I’ve done, but whatever…
As I rinse off, I realize something strange. This might be the first time I’ve ever been sick in this life. Compared to my previous life, where my body was so fragile that illness was a constant companion, the difference is startling. The sensation of weakness and dizziness almost feels nostalgic, like an old memory pressing itself against my skin. It is oddly comforting in a twisted way.
By the time I finish bathing and put on my uniform, the headache hasn’t gone away, but I force myself out of the room. There, I spot Irana jogging in place at the hallway, clearly restless.
“Ah, this is bad… we won’t make it in time if we take the train right now,” she mutters, half-panicked.
I glance at the clock. She’s right.
“Should we grab a taxi then?” I suggest.
“Huh? Nooo… let’s just ask Dad to drive us to school,” Irana says with a grin, like it’s the most obvious solution.
“Drive us? The old man has a car?” I blink, trying to process it.
I vaguely remember yesterday—Dad had taken Mom out for a drive. I assumed it was just a rental.
“Wait… did he not return the rental car yet?” I mutter under my breath.
The details after that blur together. I only recall stepping into the car with Irana, but everything between the ride and school is a haze. By the time I regain proper awareness, I’m already sitting at my desk.
“Huh… when did I get here?” I whisper, my voice rasping with confusion.
The dizziness hasn’t gone away. My body feels unbearably heavy, so I rest my head against the desk, letting my eyelids close. Energy slips away from me, like sand through my fingers.
And then… darkness.
I…
“You better change your way. Your current path will not get you anywhere.”
The voice again. That same voice. My voice.
“Just submit… and give up.”
What do you mean by that?
“Submit!!”
I don’t want to.
“Submit!!”
Never.
“Submit!!”
I… don’t understand.
I… I open my eyes again, the world slowly coming back into focus. The ceiling above me is unfamiliar, clean white with a faint medicinal smell lingering in the air. My body feels strangely light, yet heavy at the same time.
“…Where am I?” I mutter groggily. Then, as I shift my gaze, I realize.
The infirmary.
“When did I get here?”
“You were brought here by Irana and Viola,” a calm voice answers.
I turn my head slightly. It’s Elizabeth-sensei, standing beside the bed with her usual composed expression.
“I see… sigh…” I let out a tired breath. “I should’ve just been honest from the start. Now I’ve ended up burdening them with something unnecessary.”
Elizabeth-sensei studies me for a moment before speaking. “Perhaps. But more importantly, has your head cleared, Aria? What is the last thing you remember?”
I press my fingers lightly against my forehead, trying to recall. My thoughts feel like scattered fragments slipping away before I can catch them.
“I was in class… then suddenly I was here. Honestly, I don’t remember much in between. My last vivid memory is at home, not even at school.”
“I see.” Her tone is unreadable, but she doesn’t press further. Instead, she picks up something from the counter and casually tosses it to me.
I fumble but manage to catch it. It’s soft… oddly cushiony. I look at it in confusion.
“What… is this?”
“That’s padding,” Elizabeth-sensei says smoothly, almost too casually, “for your… down there.”
“…Down there?” My brain stutters for a beat.
She smirks slightly, clapping her hands in a small, almost mocking gesture.
“Well then, congratulations.”
My eyes widen. “Congratulations? For what exactly?”
“For becoming a woman,” she replies, her voice steady but with a faint trace of amusement. “Or more specifically… for your first period.”
It takes a second for her words to register, but when they do, everything clicks. The dizziness, the discomfort, the strange weight in my body.
“Oh… right.”
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