Chapter 23: I Absolutely Had No Intention of Peeking, Nor of Seeing Anyone Naked, Gob!

"Nyaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!!"

Clinging to the rear cargo hatch of the Hummingbird dropship, a cat-eared, twin-tailed maid in a shameless pink uniform—her skirt so short her panties were constantly on display—let out a dying scream.

"Hurry up and open it, nyaaa!! I’m gonna leak, nyaaa!! Why did you pick a plane without a toilet, nyaaa?!"

"Dragoon has lost one unit and is currently unable to deploy. Preparations are underway to replace it with the amphibious assault ship Triad Primus, Frilled Square configuration. I have also located a viable landing site. Understood, cat ears? I do not want the interior of the Hummingbird contaminated with native life-form excrement. Do not leak. Absolutely do not leak."

As the dropship’s AI, Erika, delivered her emphatic warning, the Hummingbird touched down with a light jolt, and the rear cargo hatch began to open—slowly.

"Why isn’t it opening faster, nyaaaahhh!! Hurry, hurry, hurry, open open ope—nyaaaAAAAAAHHHHH!!"

Despite Erika’s warning, the prayers of those around her, and her own desperate efforts, the cat-ear reservoir exceeded its capacity before the hatch fully opened. The cat-ear dam catastrophically burst.

"Nyaasnn… nyaasnn… Ririka’s already a high schooler and she still wet herself, nya… I’m so embarrassed I can’t ever go back to the real world, nya…"

By sheer luck, the cat-eared, twin-tailed, panty-flashing, pants-wetting maid was crouched behind a riverside rock, washing her soiled underwear and lower body while muttering delusional nonsense interspersed with strange mewling sounds. Just how many decades ago had the middle-aged guy inside her last been a high schooler, anyway?

Sometimes you feel the urge to pee in a dream and wake up just in time—or not, in more serious cases. All I could do was pray that the middle-aged man inside those cat ears, who’d leaked in this world, wasn’t unconscious and wetting himself nonstop back in reality. If we were being honest, though, that risk applied to everyone who’d come to this world, myself included.

I sighed as I watched the Hummingbird—now contaminated with cat-ear wastewater—take off and return to the assault ship for cleaning.

"If Ririka had a penis, this wouldn’t have happened. You can pee whenever you want, and it feels good when you play with it. Penises really are amazing. Penises are the best. Long live penises."

A perverted, exhibitionist, cross-dressing shota elf—male both physically and mentally—returned from relieving himself nearby, still pulling up his cute women’s underwear while casually swinging the now-finished business in his right hand.

There was absolutely no point in doing that behind a tree, and if droplets flew everywhere it would be disgusting, so I really wished he’d stop.

"More importantly, we’re already inside the territory of that country called Larentia, right? Looks like it’s all plains and rivers from here on, and there’s nowhere else we can land without standing out. I say we head for a city on foot from here."

"Since it’s Larentinia, the City of Water, if we reach any town we should be able to ride a riverboat downstream to the royal capital," Natsumi said.

"Is that really a good travel method in an MMORPG world? I thought the same thing back in Grancil—doesn’t that make moving around way too much of a hassle?"

"That’s why it wasn’t popular. There were lots of issues, but basically it wasn’t user-friendly. People made requests all over the place, but more than a few features never got implemented right up to the end."

Hearing that from someone who’d played the game endlessly didn’t fully click at first. Then I remembered that one of the reasons I’d never played it myself was the unfriendly user interface, and it all made sense.

"Still, I thought we could just fly straight to the capital in no time. Like, whoosh."

"If the Hummingbird were to reach top speed with unarmored biological crew aboard, they would be crushed inside. The cargo deck already feels itchy enough with just cat-ear wastewater. I refuse to have native life-forms turned into minced meat scattered everywhere."

"That’s mean, Erika. It’s not like Ririka wanted to leak. Probably."

"You too, long ears. If you touch your male organ inside a Space Force vehicle again, I will eject you."

You were touching it? Yeah, no—seriously, please don’t.

"Well, if we reach the capital and it turns out the temple’s warp gate is usable, getting there too fast might be a bad thing anyway. We don’t know what state it’s in, so let’s take it slow and gather information along the way."

"In Grancil we were fighting nonstop, so this time I’d really like to avoid trouble," Natsumi said.

"Seriously. Wouldn’t it be nice if there were some hero-type around who’d solve everything for us?"

As Natsumi and I were talking, a scream echoed from the forest—the voice of Ririka, who should have been washing her panties in the river.

"Nyaaaaaaaaah!!"

"Hey, keep it down. It’s just underwear—wash it quietly."

"This is where you rush over after hearing the scream, accidentally see me naked, and apologize like, ‘Sorry, I didn’t mean to,’ nya!"

"You told us not to come over and not to peek."

"Stop nitpicking, nya! This is an emergency, nya! Enemies, nya! Ririka’s gonna get violated, nya!"

Despite the word “violated,” her voice sounded oddly relaxed. With a sigh, Natsumi and I cautiously peeked out from behind the rocks.

There we saw Ririka, completely naked and soaking in the river, and on the opposite bank stood two green, humanoid creatures—one short, one big and fat.

"Goblins and an orc, nya! Both are monsters that kidnap girls and do naughty things, nya! They came to kidnap Ririka, nya!"

Why was this shameless cat ear stripped completely naked, anyway?

She was covering her chest with her arms, legs tightly pressed together, face bright red—yet her maid outfit and underwear were neatly folded on a rock nearby.

This was exactly why I hadn’t wanted to look. Taking advantage of having become a cute cat-eared girl, the middle-aged man inside was probably about to engage in some questionable solo activities.

Even I, in my blonde beauty body, wasn’t uninterested in that sort of thing—but if you’re going to do it, at least wait until nighttime and you’re alone.

"Goblins and orcs, sure, but… don’t they look weaker than the ones we saw at the fortress? If they attack, can’t you just fight them yourself?"

"I can’t fight while naked, nya! And stop staring, nya!"

"How rude. I was just paying respect to how much effort the guy inside put into character creation."

"I said I’m not an old man, nya! Just beat them up already, nya!"

That said, the goblin and orc in question were simply standing there, frozen with dopey expressions, showing no sign of attacking.

I was thinking of lightly intimidating them to chase them off when the two suddenly snapped out of it and dropped flat to the ground in prostration.

"We’re sorry, gob! We absolutely had no intention of peeking, nor of seeing anyone naked, gob!"

"We heard a noise and thought there might be a bad monster around, so we came to check, buhi! We definitely weren’t peeping at someone bathing with dirty thoughts, buhi!"

You guys are the ones saying that?

And wait—they’re talking normally. Aren’t these supposed to be monsters?

"We just came from Tarya Village at the foot of this forest to gather mushrooms, gob! Please, just spare our lives, gob!"

"Buhi! We’re not bad monsters, buhi! We help the humans in Tarya Village, buhi! We never had any intention of fighting humans, buhi!"

The goblin-and-orc pair continued repeating their excuses and pleas for mercy while prostrating themselves, and the three of us exchanged confused looks.

"We goblins used to live in a cave in this forest and made a living attacking the humans in the village at the foot of the mountain, gob. But one day, we suddenly realized something, gob. No matter how slowly we attacked the village humans, eventually even stronger humans would come and take revenge, gob. We can’t beat humans, gob."

"Humans already outnumber us to begin with, and on top of that they’ve got strong adventurers, buhi. Cities have huge buildings, castles, even armies, buhi. Meanwhile, we barely scrape by hunting small animals and gathering nuts in the forest, buhi. Picking fights little by little and getting wiped out in retaliation isn’t something an intelligent species would do, buhi."

After that, guided by the two of them, we headed toward Tarya Village—the place they said had taken them in.

"But Tarya Village wasn’t in the game, nya. I’ve never heard of it, nya."

"Putting that aside, goblins and orcs in this world can talk? We gunned down a bunch of them at that fortress—Dora, was it? Now I’m starting to feel guilty."

"Maybe different kinds of goblins and orcs can talk, nya?"

"Ah! I remember Tarya Village now! It came up in a goblin-subjugation quest! The one where you’re asked to rescue a girl who got kidnapped from the village! There were goblins who spoke human language in that quest!"

So maybe because that quest existed, a village that hadn’t originally been in the game ended up becoming real in this world—and as a result, the goblins and orcs around here gained intelligence and the ability to speak.

"Is there still a request posted for adventurers, gob?! That was something the adults who are already dead did, gob! We didn’t do anything bad, gob! Please forgive us, gob!"

"We returned the girls to the village and apologized with all our hearts, buhi! Now we help the villagers like this and slowly earn their trust, buhi! Please don’t kill us, buhi!"

"Ah—no, we’re not going to kill people who aren’t attacking us… The quest was a standing one, so I don’t know what its current status is, though…"

"That’s a problem, buhi. We’ll ask the village chief to have the request withdrawn, buhi."

"We’re here, gob. This is Tarya Village, where we’re being looked after, gob."

Exiting the forest along a riverside animal trail, the first thing that came into view was a logging site. Beyond it stretched cultivated fields of wheat and vegetables, and farther still stood a cluster of wooden houses and watermills, all surrounded by fences made from stacked logs.

They were clearly making their living through forestry and agriculture.

It was far larger and more developed than I’d imagined when I heard it was a village that hadn’t existed in the game.

Several orcs were working at the logging site, hauling logs on their shoulders.

"What’s going on, buhi? Weren’t you supposed to be gathering mushrooms, buhi?"

"We met adventurers in the forest, buhi. We’re taking them to the village chief, buhi."

In the fields, goblins were tilling the soil and harvesting fruits and vegetables.

"You’re back already, gob? Those who don’t work don’t eat, gob."

"We’re working properly, gob. We met adventurers in the forest, so we’re informing the village chief, gob."

Something felt off.

There were no humans to be seen at the logging site or in the fields, which made me worry for a moment that the village might have been completely taken over.

But once we entered the residential area, I spotted elderly people chatting by the roadside and women carrying water. That made me realize I was overthinking it. We continued on, following our guides to the village chief’s house.

Together with the two guides, we were shown into a large house—into a simple room that appeared to serve as a reception area, furnished with a plain table and chairs.

Waiting for us was a middle-aged woman with a notably broad build.

In short, a plump auntie.

I’d imagined the village chief to be an elderly man, so I was a bit taken aback to learn that this woman was the chief of Tarya Village.

"Adventurers, huh? That takes me back. These days, even when we post requests at the city guild, hardly anyone comes all the way out here anymore. It’d be a problem if you came just to deal with the goblins now—but that’s not why you’re here, is it?"

"We just happened to pass through, nya. Ririka and the others came from Grancil and are on our way to the royal capital, nya."

As Ririka answered the village chief, Natsumi and I sipped the tea we’d been served—not green tea, but something similar—and watched quietly.

Negotiations and discussions like this had completely become Ririka’s role. She sometimes got carried away and said nonsense, but having her talk spared me the trouble of adjusting my speech to match this body.

"If you’re heading to the capital, boats leave from the city of Godart. From this village, we send a timber raft to the city every morning—you can ride along safely. I’ll tell them to take you aboard. In return, if you don’t mind, I’d like you to deliver a letter to the guild in the city and ask them to withdraw the goblin-subjugation request."

"We ask as well, gob."

"Please make sure we don’t get killed by adventurers, buhi."

"Got it, nya. Then we’ll do that and leave tomorrow morning, nya. Does this village have an inn, nya?"

At that question, the village chief hesitated, her expression darkening slightly.

"There is one inn, but things are a bit… complicated right now. I wouldn’t recommend it for young ladies. If you’d like, you can stay here instead. We’ve got spare rooms."

Ririka glanced over at us, and Natsumi and I nodded in agreement.

"Ririka and the others are fine with that, nya. Did something happen, nya?"

"It’s just… not a story I’m comfortable sharing with outsiders…"

Just as the village chief trailed off and lowered her gaze, a furious shout burst in from outside.

"Hey! You’re in there, aren’t you?! Come out, you filthy pig bastard! I’ll kill you!"

Startled, we stepped outside the village chief’s house—and were met with the sight of a young man wildly brandishing a drawn mountain knife.