Chapter 5: I Am Always Afraid of Those Eyes

After our chance encounter with Yuigahama-san and her pet, we continued our shopping. I had managed to invite her to the Service Club room later; all that was left was to find a gift with enough heart behind it.

Looking into your gem-like eyes, I always feel as though I’m being sucked in. Those small black orbs looking up at me are so clear they might as well be mirrors. If one gazes into that mirror-like surface with a pure heart, they stare back fixedly, like the surface of a placid lake.

But then, in an instant, you turn your back, hiding that beautiful face from view. That whimsical demeanor is as if to declare yourself the true Master of the Earth.

Ah, those eyes possess a supreme brilliance that transcends any treasure! Before such artistry, any human would bow their head—

“...Meow... meow...”

“—noshita! Hey, Yukinoshita! I’m done with the shopping!”

That boorish voice snapped me out of my blissful dream of immersing myself in supreme art. Upon returning to reality, the first thing I felt was an intense, burning sense of shame.

“...! If you were there, you should have said something! Your lack of presence is truly appalling, Hikigaya-kun!”

“I called your name plenty of times! But you were too busy whispering ‘meow meow’ to a cat forever!”

“Stop making false accusations. In what world is there a high school girl who would stand in the middle of a crowded shopping mall whispering ‘meow meow’ to a cat?”

“Right here! You!”

“If your pathological lying has reached such heights, it’s practically a talent. Haven’t you considered a career as a con artist?”

“You’re the one better suited for it!”

“...Hmph, fine. I shall make an exception and let this matter slide for now. We’ve finished our shopping, so let us head home.”

I turned quickly to hide my reddened face and began walking. Even I felt that was a rather forced way to escape the situation.

We headed straight for the mall exit. Miraculously, I didn’t get lost this time. Hikigaya-kun followed a short distance behind. His eyes seemed even more rotten than usual. He was probably thinking something like, Is this girl for real?

However, my steady pace came to a sudden halt. It was the same reaction as when I saw the cat. At times like these, Yukino Yukinoshita’s body usually senses something it likes nearby.

In the game center ahead, there was a crane game filled with Pan-san the Panda plushies.

...Ah, this event. I had forgotten about it while distracted by the cat.

“...You want to play?”

“No, I have no interest in games.”

Despite my words, my gaze wouldn’t budge from the Pan-san plushie. Darn it, move, body! You probably have a lifetime's supply of Pan-san plushies at home already...!

“Ah—well, whatever. You want to try for it?”

My head nodded vertically of its own accord.

Even so, I had played crane games a few times in my previous life. I wasn't like the original Yukino Yukinoshita, who didn't even know how to operate the controls. I wouldn’t pull a "heroine move" by having someone else win a prize for me; I would claim that plushie with grace all by myself!

...Or so I thought.

“I see, so that’s where the center of gravity is.”

“Isn’t that Pan-san a bit too heavy?”

“Ah... I’m certain I gripped it that time...”

“Grrr... again... isn't the tension on that arm far too loose?”

“Hey, Yukinoshita, maybe you should stop—”

“No. I’ll get it next time. Once more.”

I inserted another 100-yen coin—I’d lost track of how many—and the arm began to move to the upbeat music. Eventually, another sigh escaped my lips.

“...You’re really bad at games, aren't you?”

“...If you’re going to say that, I assume you must be quite the expert.”

As I reached for another coin to try again, Hikigaya-kun spoke up from behind me. I was on edge, so my response came out a bit curt.

“Yeah, well, Komachi used to pester me to win prizes for her all the time. Thanks to that, I got really good at it. Specifically, I got good at Komachi begging me for stuff.”

“So that's what you got good at...”

“Anyway, move aside for a second. I’ll make sure we get it.”

He spoke with such certainty that I took a step back. Hikigaya-kun stood in front of the machine. Ah, so this is the part where he wins it for me? I felt a twinge of frustration.

But then, Hikigaya-kun simply raised his right hand and called over a game center attendant.

“Uh, excuse me. I really want this one.”

“Certainly. This Pan-san the Panda right here, correct?”

The attendant manipulated the crane with practiced ease, retrieving the Pan-san plushie in an instant. Then, with a refreshed smile, he handed it to Hikigaya-kun.

“Here.”

“...What a disgraceful tactic.”

Hikigaya-kun held the plushie out to me.

Ah, that’s right. This is the kind of person Hachiman Hikigaya is. He’s smart, but twisted, and he solves people’s problems using the lowest possible methods.

I had been mistaken. To expect him to conquer the crane game fairly like a hero—that just wasn't his style. By taking the long way around, using loopholes, and cheating, Hikigaya-kun presented the plushie to me. For some reason, that made me very happy.

“...You’re the one who got it. Is it really alright for me to have it?”

“Obviously.”

He pushed the plushie toward me slightly. When I tried to meet his eyes, he looked away.

I gently took the plushie. At that moment, a warm feeling flooded my chest, and I tried to voice my honest gratitude.

“...Hikigaya-kun, um, thank you for—”

“Oh my, Yukino-chan?”

Until I was interrupted by that familiar, boorish voice.

The owner of the voice said a quick word to the people she was with before walking over to us. Soon, she—Haruno Yukinoshita—revealed herself.

"Ah, I knew it was Yukino-chan! It's been a while. And who's this next to you? Is he your boyfriend? Ara ara, Yukino-chan, you’re quite the dark horse. Poke, poke."

“He isn’t. He’s just a classmate.”

My sister spoke all at once while poking me with her elbow. How annoying.

“And what’s this boy’s name?”

“This is Hikigaya-kun. My classmate.”

“Heh... Hikigaya-kun...”

For a split second, my sister cast a predatory, evaluating gaze toward him. It was a momentary look that most people would miss, distracted by her beauty. However, Hikigaya-kun saw that look and narrowed his eyes slightly.

“I’m Haruno Yukinoshita. Nice to meet you, Hikigaya-kun!”

“Uh, yeah. Nice to meet you.”

Being spoken to so energetically by a beautiful woman, Hikigaya-kun gave a slightly awkward reply. From there, my sister and Hikigaya-kun began to engage in idle chatter.

I watched them in silence. Naturally, my eyes tracked my sister’s every move, and my ears strained to catch every word of their conversation.

Whenever I watch my sister talk to someone, I am seized by terror. It’s an irrational anxiety that she might suddenly expose me as a fake.

The fact that I am a fake. To be precise, the fact that I suddenly woke up with my consciousness in this total stranger's body. That is the secret I want to keep hidden more than anything.

Because if that’s true, it’s proof that I don’t belong in this world, and definitive evidence that I’ve displaced the "real" Yukino Yukinoshita who was born here.

And I believe that my sister, and only my sister, knows this secret. Back in elementary school, when I wasn't yet used to this body, she said something to me that changed everything.

“—No. Yukino-chan wouldn't say something like that.”

I have never felt terror like I did in that moment. It felt as if my entire existence was being denied. That fear remains within me even now.

That is one of the reasons I play the role of "Yukino Yukinoshita." To ensure Haruno Yukinoshita never suspects that her precious sister has been replaced by a stranger. That is just as important as leading this story to a happy ending.

“Still, it’s really rare for Yukino-chan to be out with a boy from her class. Don't you think so, Yukino-chan?”

“Yes. But that doesn't give you cause to make wild speculations. I told you, there is nothing between Hikigaya-kun and me.”

“Oh, stop it—aren't you two actually going all the way?”

Ah, how terrifying the depths of Haruno Yukinoshita’s eyes are—eyes that look like they're laughing but aren't laughing at all. Just being exposed to those dark pupils makes me feel like even my own ugliness is being laid bare.

“—Well then, Yukino-chan, Hikigaya-kun, see ya!”

Like a storm, Haruno Yukinoshita departed. A brief silence fell between me and Hikigaya. Eventually, Hikigaya-kun muttered quietly.

“Your sister is something else.”

“Indeed. She is beautiful, handles social interactions flawlessly, and excels in both academics and sports. Everyone praises my sister for—”

"No, that's not it. Well, that's true too, but what I mean is... she’s like a reinforced exoskeleton."

Ah. Of course he noticed.

"How should I put it? Her 'public face' or whatever... it's just incredible. I've never seen anything so perfect."

Those eyes, clouded by the malice of others, had seen through my sister's true nature.

Then, what about me? Could it be that he might even notice that I am a fake? An irrational anxiety swelled rapidly in my chest, eventually forming a question.

“...Then, what about me?”

At my vague question, Hikigaya-kun fell silent, appearing lost in thought. The noisy sounds of the game center felt far away. Eventually, the answer came from his lips.

“Yeah. You’re like her sometimes. It’s not quite a reinforced exoskeleton, but sometimes it looks like you’ve put on a thin second skin and you’re acting to match it.”

“...I see.”

As I thought. The "me" playing Yukino Yukinoshita isn't the real thing. His words were only natural. Yet, I felt a slight sense of disappointment. What kind of words had I been hoping for?

After a short pause, I heard him continue with a "But," and I looked up slightly.

“—But, your smile is completely different from your sister’s. Yours feels... how do I put it... genuine.”

the moment I heard those words, my body felt flooded with a warmth like spring sunshine. Genuine. That word pierced deep into my heart.

I, who have known I was a fake since the moment I woke up in this world... I felt as though I had been affirmed for the very first time. I must have fallen into that illusion.

Ah, this is bad. If he does things like that, I won't be able to look him in the eye for a while.

To hide my face, I spun around, turning my back to him.

“—Well then, Hikigaya-kun. Since our business is done, I’m going home.”

“Oh, uh, right.”

“...I had fun today.”

Adding those final words, I walked away.