Chapter 30: When Having a Serious Conversation, You Should Dress Appropriately. Let's Take Off Those Ears and Tail For Now

When Having a Serious Conversation, You Should Dress Appropriately. Let's Take Off Those Ears and Tail For Now

"Have you... forgotten?"

That was the first thing that came back to me in response to my question. I wonder if I did something so terrible that it would be unforgivable for me to forget. If that's the case, I'm extremely sorry, and if that's the case, I don't understand why she doesn't resent me.

I completely forget!

I do remember forgetting something important!

When I told her that, Miho-san's face, which had been relatively calm until then, suddenly took on the same expression as my former childhood friend when she hit me to stop me from devoting my faith.

In other words, she had a fierce expression, as if she was about to attack.

I'm sorry, but I really don't remember anything. I'm a very beautiful girl now, so if you're going to hit me, please do it in an inconspicuous place. And not in my face.

Sitting upright in seiza, I begged for my life and begged for forgiveness, and after a long, very long sigh, the demon somehow calmed down.

Peace finally came to me.

"...You don't have to be so sorry. I won't hit you in the face. If you were a man, I would have hit you until your face was unrecognizable, so be grateful for the pretty face you inherited from your mother. But even so, I can't believe you forgot after doing something like that."

Peace was gone. 

It was a short, fleeting peace.

By the way, the origin of the word "hakanai" (ephemeral) comes from the word "haka nai" (not breaking the virginity). 

It's not about dying before experiencing their first time... but rather the original meaning of the word is about a 16-year-old woman. It comes from the fact that a girl who is 16 and likely to die without ever becoming an adult is called "Hakanai."

And I was 15, what a fleeting life I had.

I tried to escape reality by thinking about the origin of such word, but I couldn't keep running from reality forever, so I had to face it.

As for expressing gratitude to Mama, I'm always grateful, so it shouldn't be a problem.

Or rather, if it's not for Mama, that fist would turn my face into minced meat

I'm glad I was reborn.

I'm glad I'm a beautiful girl.

"What you did... I don't want to tell you. You'll have to think about it until you die... But I'm so glad we met again. I've been looking for you forever."

She must have had a lot of free time, searching for someone she didn't even know existed. And what sin did she commit in her past life to end up looking for someone like me?

.....

Oh, she did raise me for a while. It's no wonder she ended up like this. 

"I hate to say it, but weren't there other things you could have done? Sports, studying, qualifications, etc."

"I'm pretty satisfied with my life, just like my last one, and I don't need to work so hard this time around. What's so sad about having to go out of my way to stand out?"

The remark cut me right to the heart.

I'm just some childish reincarnated person who's beating kids to the punch with my inflated academic ability.

When I cried, Miho-san looked surprised, but she patted my head and comforted me.

Hehe, I'm so happy her hands are so gentle.

When I let out a meow, she asked in a slightly put-off voice, "Aren't you embarrassed about that?"

No, if you ask me whether I'm embarrassed or not, it's obviously embarrassing. But I'm a beautiful girl now, and a beautiful girl has an obligation to spread her cuteness around everyone.

And now here I am, a beautiful girl wearing a doggy accessories. So there's only one thing to do.

...Yup, being treated like a puppy and looked at coldly by someone who knew me from the past is starting to get a bit addictive.

Before opening this new, unpleasant door, I shake off the temptation of her paw and return to my human form. A beautiful girl is better off as a human than a dog, after all.

If I stay a dog, I won't be able to eat human food.

I clear my throat to forget my previous lewd behavior and eat the bun Mama had brought me. The bun, enticing me with "It's delicious" and "We're delicious," sloshed its bean paste into my mouth.

Seeing that it was snack time, Miho-san sat down as well and began eating her bun. Buns and tea aren't an unusual combination, but since Mama had made the effort to choose them, I had no complaints. 

As I was relaxing, thinking to myself that Mama is the best, Miho-san, who was just as laid-back, asked me if we could be together again. It seemed Miho-san wanted us to live together like we did back then, like in our previous lives.

To her, it seemed natural for us to do so.

"...About that. Since we've been reborn, maybe our relationship should end now. You don't have to be tied to me forever."

That pricked me right in the heart.

She was never meant to be with me in the first place, and if she'd been with someone more decent, she would surely have been happy.

She'd said earlier that she was satisfied with her previous life, but that only meant she'd never known any other kind of happiness.

"You will live your life, and I will live my life. Of course, I love you even if we're not partners, and I want us to continue to be friends. But you should stop doing that, and this time, you should find someone who makes you happy."

It was uncharacteristic of me to say it from my heart.

She shouldn't had felt responsible for a crazy person like me starting to act so strangely. She should have abandoned me instead of supporting me when I went crazy. Her life was too important to be ruined by feelings of responsibility or sympathy.

"You don't need to be tied down to me anymore. It's never your responsibility for my madness in the first place, and even if you were, you would have paid it back a long time ago. It's enough to have your life ruined by a sense of responsibility like that once."

Yes, putting it into words somehow made me feel better. It seemed that, without even realizing it, I had been regretting ruining her life.

It's not like I suddenly awakened to goodness, or that I have hidden goodness within me or anything like that. I'm perfectly capable of doing terrible things, but it's undesirable to do them unconsciously.

It's precisely because I'm aware of what I've done, of my sins, that degrading others feels beautiful and satisfying.

"....Huh?"

I felt a weight lifted from my chest, and I felt so refreshed!

As I was munching on a bun, I heard a terrifying voice from in front of me. A cold sensation, like a cube of ice had been poured down my neck, ran down my spine, and I instinctively straightened up!

Miho-san stood up, swaying over to me. Without even trying to hide the grimace of her face, she came over to me and looked down at me while standing. Her flowing hair was sexy, but it wasn't the kind of atmosphere where I could say such things.

"Are you serious?... No, I know you're serious. That's why I don't like it. I don't like it, I can't forgive you."

She grabs me by the collar and throws me down. If she were to move into a mounted position, it would be the exact opposite of the previous threat.

One difference is that my back is on the floor, not the bed, and the other person is furious, not calm.

Eh, that is two differences?

"Did you really think I was that cheap? Did you really think I was some cheap woman who would devote her life to you out of mere pity, or a sense of responsibility? Don't be ridiculous!"

Pity aside, I think a sense of responsibility is reason enough to devote one's life, but it must be a difference in values.

When I think about it, my former childhood friend was a wonderful person who could embrace any responsibility she didn't need to take on without a second thought.

This makes it even more difficult to understand why she was so adamant about taking responsibility for me.

"...Ah, I see. So it was just an excuse, and you really did like me."

I don't particularly remember doing anything to make her like me.

Like childhood friends, we played together, helped each other with homework, and scolded side by side.

...We spent almost our entire youth together. 

Why didn't I realize that she liked me? No, I'd always felt something akin to friendship or familial love. I just never thought there was anything like romantic affection.

"You realized it too late... You idiot."

And with that, she shed tears.

They were so beautiful, so pure. The tears of a woman who has realized that the person she's dedicated her life to doesn't understand her motives. 

There's no need to say whether they were tears of joy or sadness, but the tears that entered my mouth were undeniably sweet.

Tears are delicious!

I felt my heart fill up like never before. This was where true love, true happiness, resided, and joy filled my entire being. It was a joy incomparable to the one I'd felt when I'd set fire to a painting. It was a joy that changed my outlook on life.

That's why I want to see what lies ahead.

Just having one's pure feelings tainted can make a person this beautiful.

If that's the case, then the more they're damaged, the more beautiful they'll shine. If the higher they fall, the more they shine, the lower they fall.

I want to see this girl, the one who still cares for me even in this reincarnation, have those feelings trampled on and turn her hatred towards me.

I want to be pinned down not with anger, but with murderous intent. I want a knife, not a fist, to be placed against my chest.

These unpleasant emotions only swell within me.

Thinking such things while a crying girl is pinning me down makes me the lowest of people.

Aren't you ashamed to be alive? 

Yes, ashamed! But it's fun to embarrass myself!

I hold her head with cat ears close and comfort her, even if it means getting my uniform wet.

Good girl, good girl, you're such a good girl.

You're such a good girl, I want to see you break down.

.....

But at the same time, I just want you to be happy.

Pre-Reincarnation Hikari: Because he was born with a weak constitution, he doesn't have many friends. While he's somewhat attracted to his childhood friend who's always been with him, he thinks she's too good for him. Due to his illness, he has no reproductive function.

Pre-Reincarnation Childhood Friend: She loved Pre-Reincarnation Hikari so much. But because they'd been together for so long, she was too embarrassed to say it directly. she couldn't, but she thought that because they'd been together for so long, he must have understood. She's not the type to marry or raise someone just out of sympathy or a sense of responsibility.

After Reincarnation Childhood Friend: She lived an emotionless life, but while killing time by browsing online, she came across a piece of woodwork that looked familiar. She immediately bought it and negotiated a higher price, then reported it to the police when she found out that case was enclosed. She has no regrets or remorse.