Chapter 50: IF End: A Broken Shota-kun

IF End: A Broken Shota-kun

I love myself. I treasure this body that Mama gave me, and I also love Mama and my little sister, who are just as precious to me.

...Daddy? Yeah, I love him too. He's such a good person, it'd be hard to hate him.

So, my thoughts on the recent blessing of having a little sister can be summed up in one word:

Wonderful!

The moment when a child's admiration and pure trust were tainted. It was so delicious. I want to cut out that expression and her usual energetic demeanor, frame them, and put them side by side.

The alternating sweetness of cuteness and the sweetness of despair create an endless spiral of sweetness. I should be careful about diabetes.

Yes, it felt so good.

It felt so good to betray my little sister's trust and heart, which I'd say is about 30% of me, and to inflict such a huge wound. 

I had the illusion that I had been hurt, and even I cried afterwards for having done it.

The viscous, empty emotion that filled my heart at that moment. I want to call this love. You may not understand what I'm saying, but my vocabulary limits my ability to explain it, so please forgive me.

Now, even after eating my little sister, I won't be satisfied and stop.

It was delicious, but my little sister is just an appetizer after all.

It's so sad that her life has been twisted, driven to the point of distrusting people, yet she's still treated so carelessly like an appetizer.  

That's so cute.

All of this happened because my little sister is a bundle of talent.

If you want to hate someone, hate your own talent and me. I'm the one to blame.

"It's all my fault! I'm sorry!"

I thought, in a hissy fit, and completely agreed. Even though I thought I was affirming myself, my self-esteem had dropped. It's a little strange.

By lowering my self-esteem in this way, I took on the mood of someone who was depressed because they'd failed at something.

I'm basically a bundle of self-esteem and never fail, so it's hard for me to feel depressed. But I needed to be downcast in the upcoming flow, so I tried hard to feel depressed. If I were to be cruel to my little sister, I might feel better, but I wouldn't be depressed.

Mama and Daddy were just as worried about my little sister as I was, so I told them I was trying to encourage her but it had failed... what should I do... and when I told them I was sad, my parents were good and honest, but they believed me, even though they were a little suspicious.

This ended up hurting my little sister again, but that's another story.

By the way, they were only suspicious because they thought, "It's strange that Hikari would fail..." so it wasn't because they were suspicious of me.

Blind parents are so cute. Dad is cute sometimes too

Anyway, after the appetizers, it's time for the main course.

This time, the main course is Shota-kun, the always-energetic karate kid.

They say he's always energetic, but recently he's calmed down a bit. I wonder what that was all about right after we reunited, when he said, "Let's have a duel!"

Well, it's easier for me if he's a little calmer, so that's fine. Small, animal-like guys who constantly bite and growl are only fun in stories, but if they were actually around you, you'd want to kick them.

"...Mashiro, you've seemed to be having a hard time lately. Is something wrong?"

I have to appear a little downcast so that Shota-kun can realize, while still keeping others from noticing anything.

This is quite difficult.

Satoshi-kun has a high level of sensitivity, so he'd notice right away, but Shota-kun is insensitive. It takes skill to make sure only one person can speak to me.

It may sounds like I'm bragging, but everyone likes me. Lots of people will talk to me if I'm feeling down.

After about three weeks of pretending to be depressed, he finally said those words.

So slow!

If I were Rabbit-san, I'd let my guard down and take a nap. Does he have no pride as an athlete?

Hiding my inner impatience towards Shota-kun, who was so slow, I objectively explained what had happened recently.

My little sister failed the entrance exam, and I tried to encourage her but failed, which only resulted in her hating me. I'm feeling down, thinking there must have been a better way.

...Why speak objectively? If I were to include my own subjective opinions, I'd be showing Shota-kun the true nature of a shitty reincarnated person.

I can't show such filthy things to such an innocent child. If I let my brain run wild, it would probably rated R15. Shota-kun is only 15, after all.

I wondered if I should even consider the possibility of some kind of mental exhibitionism, but after I'd finished giving him the gist of the story, Shota-kun looked at me sympathetically.

The one he really should be sympathizing with is my little sister, not someone like me, but he doesn't seem to realize that.

That's what happens when you listen to me through your biased eyes.

"No matter what Mashiro's sister thinks of Mashiro, what she tried to do and how she felt was not wrong. ...I don't think you need me to tell you this, but Mashiro is not wrong. Even if someone else denies it, I will support Mashiro."

I'm definitely wrong. No matter who else supports it, that fact remains, but when you become blind like this, you can't even see that.

Words like "being an ally" or "will support" should only be used after understanding both sides' points of view. 

I know that it's definitely not something I should use just on my own, but Shota-kun likes me, so it's not surprising that this happens.

The only men who can resist comforting the girl they love when she's feeling down are either incredibly rational or a twisted elementary school kid.

The latter will only make things worse if she's feeling down. I'm not one to say this, but do they have no compassion?  ...They have feelings, but they just don't understand. It's different from me, who understands and enjoys it.

By portraying myself as the girl everyone loves and who only shows her vulnerable side in front of him, I managed to capture Shota-kun's heart, going out with him, cheering him on at club match, and giving him advice that may or may not be useful.

It's strange how when I do things like that, the people around us start trying to bring us together.

My female classmates will benefit slightly from me no longer being single, while the boys will benefit from Shota-kun's disappearance. He wasn't very smart but was reasonably popular thanks to his looks and athletic ability. The boys were upset that Shota-kun would get a girlfriend in the process, but I guess their interests were aligned.

Maybe they also didn't like Tomohiro-kun, who was unremarkable but got along well with a beautiful childhood friend.

"He's a good kid in his own way," I thought, pretending that only I knew his good points, and with everyone around me cheering me on, I secured Shota-kun with their blessings.

With everyone pushing me forward, I finally made it to the finish line. Thanks to everyone's support, Shota-kun will become a great main dish in the future.

Considering that this is a hellish future for Shota-kun, it makes sense that the road to hell is paved with good intentions.

Thank you for making it easier. Now we're all accomplices.

With a smile on my face, I told my parents, and also my little sister.

The screams coming from inside the room I'm no longer allowed to enter must be a song of congratulations to me. She who I had ruined everything for myself but is trying to be happy on my own. There's no way such a painful voice can't be a blessing.

Hehe, Onee-chan is a little embarrassed to be congratulated like that.

I find it amusing to think that if I keep doing this, my little sister will stab me one day, and as I periodically kiss him, my relationship with Shota-kun deepens.

This pure girl would probably faint if she found out what I'm doing. I must tell her when I'm done, hehe.

Now, I've obtained a delicious main dish, but of course I won't do something vulgar like eating it straight away. I'm a very modest Yamato Nadeshiko, after all.

I will always be there three steps behind to support my precious boyfriend, so that he can grow up to be a fine person.

...How can a villainous reincarnated person like me be a Yamato Nadeshiko? Apologize to the real thing!

Surprised by being suddenly yelled at, I tremble before quietly muttering an apology. It's okay now that no one else is around, but I need to be careful when other people are around.

Otherwise, they'll think that my modest and refined self is being unreasonably harassed by my boyfriend.

Now is the most important time for Shota-kun, the boy I've raised with such care. I've helped him with everything from training menus to adjusting his form, so he can fully demonstrate his abilities. I've managed everything he eats to ensure he's in the best possible nutritional condition. Finally, he's finally starting to show promise as a professional, and he's graduated from being a bumbling dreamer.

It would be devastating if rumors started spreading that he's harassing his girlfriend at a time like this.

I have a much better future for Shota-kun, and it would be ruined if he was let off the hook with such shoddy cooking.

By inspiring myself with such righteous indignation... righteous indignation? I can maintain my motivation and continue to support Shota-kun, and when his grades start to improve, it'll be time to eat him.

It wasn't just my imagination, but Shota-kun really does have talent, and before I knew it, he'd become a famous athlete.

He's not at the top yet, but he has the talent to reach that level in the not-too-distant future, which is wonderful.

And in my cooking, this is Shota-kun's peak.

Right now, he's in a position where he's almost at the top. In this situation, the sweetest thing would be to lose the dream that's right in front of him.

Of course, I have several plans ready for how to make him lose that dream. Test positive for drugs, get him involved in an accident, or antagonize public opinion.

My personal favorite is the last one, antagonizing public opinion to the point where he can't play sports properly, but there's a loophole in this. If Shota-kun doesn't care about public opinion and silences them with results, or if he starts competing in a foreign country where public opinion doesn't matter, my plan will fail. And the Shota-kun I've raised has a strong enough mental strength to do that. I put too much emphasis on mental training. That's my mistake.

While yelling at my past self for overdoing it, I choose to have him get into an accident.

Testing positive for drugs wouldn't be so bad, but since it's not something he really did, it will be fixed if he wait patiently.

Losing a healthy body, on the other hand, is a sure thing. So it's a choice I'll make.

I'm going to have Shota-kun get into an accident.

There are several types of accidents, right?

Self-harm, perpetrator, and victim. Naturally, the ideal situation is to be the victim, but if that seems difficult, then self-harm.

...Perpetrator? Sure, the mental damage would be the biggest, but don't you feel sorry for the victim who gets caught up in it? Isn't it shameful as a human being to think that it's okay to involve innocent people in order to achieve your own goals?

I could never do something so terrible, so I'll aim for victim type. If that seems impossible, I'll aim for self-harm type.

That said, it's not like I can just try to cause a victim accident, so incorporating self-inflict type into my plan is fine.

I'm the type of reincarnated person who doesn't have any special powers, so the best I can do in a situation like this is pray to God.

...Praying to the god who reincarnated me might be better than receiving some mediocre power.

There's no doubt that it has superhuman powers, and that it's a higher being who is definitely interested in me. If praying would make my wishes come true, I'd pray as much as I wanted. But I'll still pray even if they don't come true.

Of course, I'll proceed under the assumption that this won't come true, and create a situation where Shota-kun will have an accident that feels right.

I could have an accident while I'm with Shota-kun, but if it's the same accident, I'd rather lose my dream in an accident that's my own fault than in an accident that's someone else's fault. Then I won't be able to hold others responsible.

It was hard work researching the environments where traffic accidents are likely to occur and preparing in a way that was arbitrary and objective, but my efforts were worth it and I managed to create a good environment.

All that's left now is to spend a few days adjusting Shota-kun's physical condition, and by my estimate, he'll have about a 50/50 chance of having an accident.

The fact that it's only a 50/50 chance despite all this preparation is due to my inexperience.　

While I was shopping, thinking like that but not showing it at all, Shota-kun, who was out with me, looked at me worriedly.

"Don't worry, I was just thinking about how to make you break nicely, so don't worry about it."

"More importantly, that boy over there seems to be a fan of yours. Why don't you give him an autograph? Celebrity-kun."　

Of course, I avoid the first half of the conversation by not saying anything and diverting his attention from me to a boy passing by.

My mind isn't working very well right now because I have a lot on my mind and I'm sleep-deprived. If I talk in that state, I might accidentally blurt out something strange. It's important to keep my mouth closed.

"...HIKARI!"　

As I was thinking about this and stifling a small yawn, Shota-kun, who seemed panicked, suddenly pushed me away.

There was no way my soft body could withstand his well-endowed body, and I rolled over and over.

What the hell did he do to me out of nowhere? How violent!

I thought to myself, and reflexively took a defensive stance to check on Shota-kun, just as a convenience store killer missile passed over where I had been moments before.　

At the same time, Shota-kun's body was pushed sideways by the car and fell diagonally behind me.

The pain of the fall had cleared my mind, and I quickly realized that I had nearly died. And that Shota-kun had realized this and saved me.

Before I could even be surprised that Shota-kun had become a victim of an accident in such a place, I made sure that Shota-kun was safe.

I had wanted Shota-kun to become a victim, but I didn't want him to lose his life.

In fact, losing his life would be a negative thing considering the time and money I had spent up to that point, and even if that wasn't the case, I didn't want to see someone I was close to die.

So I frantically checked to make sure Shota-kun was okay, and was relieved to find that his life was not in danger.

Fortunately, while I was panicking, a passerby had called an ambulance and the police, so I was able to just stay by Shota-kun's side.　

I played a distraught girlfriend who were involved in an accident... I got into an ambulance, genuinely distraught, and was taken to the hospital, where I listened to the doctor's explanation.

...What the heck? Even I get distraught sometimes, you know.

I'm not really distraught by most things because there aren't many unexpected things, but I get surprised by unpredictable events like thunder on a sunny day.　

According to the doctor, I only have a scrape from rolling around. If I get plenty of sleep, I'll be better soon. And as for Shota-kun, his left leg was broken. While I was worried, I kind of expected it to be broken because it was bent at an angle that it shouldn't be, but it seems that it was indeed broken.

After that explanation, the doctor said with a very serious look on his face, "With this leg, you can't play sports anymore...", and Shota-kun hung his head as if he had expected those words.

At that, I suddenly broke down in tears. I had naturally expected this too, so I was fully prepared to lament. I never thought he'd be involved in an accident at such perfect timing, so I suppressed my urge to express gratitude and say, "Hikari, how amazing!" and it was easy enough to lament the dreams of my lover lost.

"It's my fault for not realizing... I'm sorry! Your dream was ruined for someone like me..."

I apologize. Shota-kun was looking a little confused, and I enjoy watching it as he tries to say that it wasn't true but can't.　

It's only natural that he can't say anything.

After all, it was Shota-kun who had dedicated his life to sports, and it was Shota-kun himself who ruined it. And it's an undeniable fact that this was brought about by his attempt to help me. And because it's the truth, and because he knows it, Shota-kun can't deny what I say.

After all, there's no way someone could ruin something they'd staked their life on and then be happy that their lover was safe without any hesitation.

He finds himself thinking, "If I hadn't saved her at that time..." and then, once he's thought that, he feels disgusted with himself for ever having thought such a thing.

...Some people might say, "Yes, it's your fault! Apologize!" but Shota-kun isn't that type of person.

The sparkle I love doesn't just have to be talented; it also has to have a good personality. 

Otherwise, all the effort of degrading it won't be very enjoyable. We get excited when an innocent girl is treated badly, but we just laugh and feel better when a scumbag is treated badly, right? The goodness of the subject is the most important thing in art. Romeo and Juliet says the same thing.

Just like that, take a bite and then continue eating leisurely.

I try to make it a little obvious so Shota-kun doesn't watch TV, I act excited every time he asks me for something, I shake my shoulders every time I hear his low, sleepy voice.

When he was obviously being considerate to me, I acted in a way that made it clear I was worried, which made him remember the past, the accident, every time we interacted.

He had lost his bright future, and every time he saw his precious lover he felt stressed.

If a situation like that continued for a long time, it was easy for people to go crazy. He had been prone to depression since the accident, but it got worse and worse, he became less talkative, and gradually stopped smiling.

In the end, all that's left for Shota-kun is his attachment to his lost past, his guilt towards me, and his helplessness towards himself. The fact that he still doesn't treat me rudely or insult me ​​even after I push him to this point is proof of his good nature. Very good.

"Hikari. It's fine now. I can walk on my own now, so there's no need for you to stay with me forever. I'm sorry for keeping you with me for so long."

After living like that for about two years, Shota-kun, who had lost his identity as karate athlete, broke up with me, looking very distressed.

He said that without karate he no longer had any value, so he felt bad about me being tied down to him forever.

He wanted me to do more of what I loved and live a more meaningful life.

Of course, I'd trample on Shota-kun's feelings. What I love is degrading things, and thanks to Shota-kun, I've already achieved what I wanted to do.

It would be too greedy to ask for more, and I have to take responsibility for what I've broken.

...Besides, I also like to tease Shota-kun when he's feeling down like this.

[Shota-kun Route: END]