Chapter 6: Westermarck effect

It’s been a month since we started going to school together every day.

By now, it’s become part of my routine to pick him up each morning, and we’ve started talking more at school. In the past, for some reason, he always kept his distance from me during school hours, so we never really had many chances to talk. But as I persistently struck up conversations, we naturally began spending more time together—even during lunch breaks.

The lukewarm stares from my friends are a little awkward, though.

Yes, we’ve been spending more time together. Our physical distance has closed all at once.

And yet—!

"Are you guys really not dating?"
"I've told you a million times—we’re just childhood friends. There’s absolutely nothing like that between us."
"Really…?"

As I eavesdropped on the boys’ conversation, one thing became painfully clear—the emotional distance between us wasn’t shrinking at all!

It wouldn’t have hurt for him to at least look a little flustered or embarrassed when asked such things, but no. Ren denied it with the same blank, listless expression as always. And honestly? That irritated me just a little.

I was shocked. During the fireworks festival, I had secretly hoped—just maybe—that he was at least a little aware of me. But given how things are… it’s obvious. He still only sees me as a friend.

Could it be that Ren is… gay?

I know it might sound weird coming from me, but I think my appearance is pretty well-put-together. A beautiful girl picks him up every morning—does he even realize how blessed he is? If I were in his position, I’m confident I’d fall for me in seconds.

Somehow, I’m starting to feel envious…

Sigh…

"Sumi-chan, what's wrong? You've been sighing a lot lately."

"Ugh… it's nothing…"

"Come here, there, there."

My best friend, Kanna-chan, pulled me into a hug and gently stroked my head. Is she an angel?

We’ve been friends since middle school. Back then, she was always so quiet, either reading books or sketching alone in her notebook. I felt an odd sense of closeness to her, so I started talking to her—and that was the beginning.

Before I knew it, she started following me around everywhere. And honestly? She was ridiculously cute.

Somehow, over time, she completely transformed into this bubbly, outgoing person. I have no idea what happened, but the way she is now—so innocent and full of energy—is absolutely adorable.

Besides, I’ve always been into girls, so getting to hug her like this without hesitation? Definite perk.

Maybe I should just forget about that idiot Ren and go down the yuri route with Kanna-chan instead…

I mean, I already love her.

As I escape into my thoughts, I start wondering what to do next. If even after all this effort, nothing has changed… maybe I’ve just lost my charm.

Over the past few months, my self-esteem has taken a serious hit.

No. That’s not it. My approach was wrong. I can still turn this around—I just convince myself.

Maybe it’s because we’re childhood friends that he doesn’t see me as a romantic interest. It’s like the Westermarck effect. Reality and fiction are completely different. In romantic comedies, falling for your childhood friend is practically inevitable, but in real life? Not so much. I never even considered that possibility.

Then again, in my past life—no, my past self—I barely had any experience with romance, so this kind of thing is unfamiliar territory. Maybe it’s time to change my approach.

If pushing doesn’t work, try pulling—so say countless romance guides. Not that I’ve read any, of course.

Still, taking some distance might be worth a shot. Maybe if I pull away, that idiot will finally realize how good he had it all along.

Yeah. That sounds like a solid strategy.

I usually walk home with Ren, but today, I decided to go with the girls instead.

They kept asking, "Are you sure about this?" but I had already made up my mind—I wasn’t going home with that guy anymore. I wasn’t even going to message him on LINE for a while.

At the bus stop, our group splits into three. Some head home on foot, others take the bus, and a few board a different one. I’m in the group waiting for the very last bus.

Since my house is the farthest away, I sit and watch as one by one, my friends get off. Eventually, I’m the only one left.

Lately, Ren was always next to me. Now, sitting here alone feels… strange. I guess I’d gotten used to having someone beside me.

When I step off the bus, the quiet streets feel unfamiliar—like the path home has somehow stretched longer than usual.

“I’m home,”

As I step inside, my mother’s voice calls out, “Welcome back.”

I wash my hands and head straight to my room. It’s a simple space—not particularly girly, with barely any decorations.

Even I sometimes wonder what kind of impression it gives as a high school girl’s room. But really, being a high school girl is just an outward label.

Glancing around, all I see are reference books and entertainment novels. No flashy posters, no cute trinkets—just a quiet, orderly space. This kind of room feels more comfortable to me than something bright and lively.

I absentmindedly pull a few reference books from the shelf and flip through them. Studying has become a habit, a routine. Even though I know I have support, I sometimes catch myself wondering—why do I study so much? But at this point, it feels more like a curse, deeply ingrained from my past life.

Yes, in my past life, I studied even harder than I do now. A shiver runs through me as unpleasant memories resurface.

To drown them out, I bury myself deeper in my studies. Focusing on textbooks helps me forget—at least for a while.

That’s when I suddenly remember the assignment from school. With a sigh, I dig into my bag and pull it out.

But, honestly? I’ve done this so many times—countless, even, if I include my past life. School assignments are finished in an instant, barely even a challenge. Even the reference books I have on hand feel dull. I’ve read them all before.

What should I do?

I have free time, so maybe I’ll call Ren or something. The thought crosses my mind as I pull out my smartphone and open LINE. But just as I tap on our chat screen, I hesitate.

That was close. That was really close.

I almost ruined the plan from the start. I swore I wouldn’t contact him for a while, that I’d shake things up and create some distance.

But… well.

If he ends up coming to me, desperate and miserable, I guess it wouldn’t hurt to talk to him a little. Yeah, if he calls me, then maybe I’ll answer.

Or something.

While reading a novel, I find myself absentmindedly opening and closing the chat screen, passing the time without realizing it. Just then, my mother calls from the living room, telling me that dinner is ready. It seems quite a bit of time has passed without me noticing.

When I get to the table, my father is already home, and the whole family gathers for dinner. Our family is pretty laid-back when it comes to mealtime, so we eat while watching TV. Tonight happens to be the broadcast of my mother’s favorite show. Without needing to ask, my father automatically switches the channel to it.

I usually enjoy this show too—for various reasons. But today, for some reason, none of it sinks in. The voices from the TV feel distant, like background noise passing through my ears. No matter how much I watch, I don’t feel entertained. Instead, there’s this odd emptiness, a hollow space where my usual emotions should be.

So, I give up. I look away from the TV and just focus on eating.

"Did something happen, Sumire? You seem down today."

My mother’s voice pulls me out of my thoughts. Maybe she noticed the way I’ve been picking at my food absentmindedly. It feels like a lot of people have been worried about me today.

Am I really acting that different?

I shake my head and force a small smile. "It’s nothing."

After dinner, I clean up the dishes and start the bath. It’s automatic, so all I have to do is press a button and wait.

While the bath fills up, I pass the time in my room. Hoping for something — anything — I check my phone, but there are no notifications from Ren.

Maybe I’m being too anxious. It’s only the first day. Ren might not even realize I’m keeping my distance. It’s frustrating, but Ren can be painfully oblivious to things like that.

I sigh, telling myself not to overthink it. I should just be patient.

As I ponder what to do tomorrow, the bath’s notification chime echoes through the house. I grab my change of clothes and head to the changing room.

When I glance in the mirror, I see myself — pale complexion, expressionless face.

No wonder everyone’s worried.

I hadn’t even noticed how drained I looked. Caught up in my thoughts, I wasn’t paying attention to how I appeared to others.

I squish my cheeks with my hands, forcing the corners of my mouth into a smile.

There. My usual beautiful girl self.

Satisfied enough, I step into the bathroom. I quickly wash my body and slide into the tub. The water is set a little hotter than usual, making my hands and feet tingle. My fingertips, colder than usual, gradually warm up.

I tie my hair up to keep it dry and lean back, letting myself relax.

My hair’s gotten long. It’s a little annoying.

Sigh...

As I glance down at my body — slender, with barely any curves — I realize just how accustomed I’ve become to it.

After all, I’ve already been a girl for sixteen years. Every little mannerism, every unconscious gesture, feels naturally feminine now.

Lately, I’ve had more chances to notice that.

Maybe the only trace of my past life is this lingering sense of my original gender. And when that thought crosses my mind, a faint chill creeps through me, despite the warmth of the bathwater.

After finishing my soak and completing my usual care routines, I sit down at my desk. Studying after dinner until bedtime has long been part of my daily rhythm.

I flip through a vocabulary book I’ve reviewed countless times, making sure the words stay sharp in my memory.

What should I teach at the next study session?

Gradually, my thoughts shift to lessons for Ren. I grab the notebook I use for teaching and start drafting explanations for the trickier concepts. This, too, has become a familiar habit — one that flows naturally.

Ren’s progress is faster than I expected. Maybe it’s time to move on to Math III.

Hehe, I should praise him for finishing so quickly.

I want to wrap up limits and differentiation by the end of the year. And integration... yeah, that’s a weak point for him.

As I refine the lesson plans, the hours slip by without me noticing. By the time I check the clock, it’s already bedtime.