Chapter 7: Westermarck effect (Part 2)

Beep beep beep.

The sharp beeping of the alarm clock drags me out of sleep’s grasp. My eyelids feel heavy, and my vision is still murky as I blink away the last traces of drowsiness.

5:30 AM.

I rub my eyes and force myself upright. That initial movement—that’s the key to waking up early. If I can just push myself out of bed, the rest will follow. My body will adjust. My mind will catch up.

Still groggy, I shuffle to the sink, brush my teeth, and splash cold water on my face. The sensation jolts me further awake. After casually applying some lotion and finishing my morning routine, I change out of my pajamas and into my uniform.

By the time I step into the living room, breakfast is already waiting. My mother must have woken up early to prepare it. Ever since I started taking the bus to high school, our mornings have shifted earlier. I wonder if it’s been a burden on my parents.

It’s not fair to have them adjust their schedules just for me.

That’s why I’ve decided to have them make breakfast around the time I finish getting ready—it keeps their usual routine intact.

After finishing my meal, I grab my bag and step outside. My feet move on their own, following a path they’ve taken countless times before. Before I realize it, I’m standing in front of Ren’s house.

I freeze.

That’s right… starting today, we’re not going together.

A quiet sigh escapes me. With a small shake of my head, I turn on my heel and retrace my steps toward the bus stop instead.

The streets are still empty at this hour. When the bus finally arrives, I step onto the nearly vacant vehicle, settle into a seat, and pull out my phone.

As the bus rocks gently along its route, I absentmindedly go through my usual mobile game login and complete the daily tasks.

Surely, when I arrive at school, Ren will feel lonely and come clinging to me tearfully. There’s no doubt about it.

If that happens, well… I guess it can’t be helped. I might even agree to go to school together again starting tomorrow. Yeah, after all, it’d be pitiful to leave him like that. Just this once, I’ll be nice.

Right as I finish my daily tasks, the bus reaches the station nearest to the school. Since I arrived early, the streets are still quiet, with only a few students making their way toward campus.

When I step into the classroom, only three female students are there.

“Oh, it’s Onodera-san. You’re early today. Did you have a fight with your boyfriend or something?”

“It’s not like that!!”

We’re not even dating, yet somehow, among the girls, the rumor has already spread. They never miss a chance to tease me about it.

Most of them are the studious type—serious, focused on their future, and not particularly interested in romance. Maybe that’s why they latch onto gossip like this whenever they can. A little secondhand excitement makes things more interesting, I suppose.

The girls I’m close to still haven’t arrived, so after exchanging a few polite words, I dive into my English grammar book. My top recommendations are Vintage and Frequency 1000. Maybe I should suggest that Ren buy them next time.

As I focus on the pages, the classroom gradually fills with students. I glance around, but there’s still no sign of Ren.

"Good morning, Sumi-chan! You’re early today."

Kanna-chan’s voice rings out as she enters with a group of girls, their chatter blending into the rising buzz of the room. The morning classroom is already alive with movement—desks scraping, laughter bubbling, conversations overlapping.

Right behind them, a group of boys files in. At this point, nearly everyone has arrived. The usual noisy morning.

Then, a little while later, Ren finally walks in. His laughter is easy, effortless, as he jokes with his friends. He doesn’t even glance in my direction before heading straight to his seat.

For some reason, the sight of him smiling so easily with his friends unsettles me. I find myself watching as they gather around him, their loud voices filling the room.

They seem to be having fun, as always. But today, for the first time in a while, Ren is at the center of it all.

No, it’s not that it’s unusual. They often gathered like that—at least, until I started talking to them at school. That’s right. It was always like that before I began going to school with him.

It just feels unfamiliar now because I haven't seen it in a while. A month, to be exact.

In my previous life, I never quite fit into that so-called boys’ vibe. I couldn’t. No matter how much I tried, there was always an invisible barrier keeping me on the outside. Maybe that’s why, watching them now, I feel a twinge of envy.

And then, for some reason, the image of Ren, laughing so easily, lingers behind my eyelids. No matter how much I try to brush it away, it stays.

※※※※※※

In the end, even when lunch break arrived, Ren didn’t talk to me.

Well… if I think about it, it’s only natural. Until a month ago, he almost never approached me on his own. Actually, wait—did Ren ever once start a conversation with me, even in this past month?

When I carefully look back, I realize something unsettling.

It was always me. I was the one reaching out, the one initiating every single conversation. Not even once did Ren go out of his way to talk to me first.

"Ha… haha…"

A dry laugh slips out before I can stop it.

Why does my chest feel so tight just from putting a little distance between us for a single day?

It’s ridiculous. I know I’m overthinking things. And yet… a suffocating weight presses down on my heart.

Could it be… to Ren, I’m not even a friend?

Was I just clinging to him one-sidedly this whole time? Did he secretly find me annoying?

I don’t know. I don’t understand. In my previous life, I never even had normal friendships. The idea of "distance between friends" is completely foreign to me.

But I do know one thing—I've rarely ever seen Ren laughing and chatting so freely like he is now. Especially not with me.

The more I try to shake off my doubts, the deeper they sink in. Like a splinter beneath my skin, they refuse to leave.

I bury my face in my desk, hiding from the world.

Maybe… maybe Ren had wanted to talk to his other friends all along. And yet, I was always there—always in the way.

Even after all this time, even after all my efforts, he still doesn’t see me as a girl.

If I really think about it, it makes sense. If his opinion of me was already in the negative from the start, then there’s no way he’d ever see me as someone of the opposite sex.

A wave of self-disgust washes over me.

How pathetic. I let myself fall into a victim complex, wallowing in self-pity over something I brought upon myself.

Sigh… Why did I ever think that just because I was reborn, someone would naturally like me?

My thoughts spiral downward, sinking deeper and deeper.

Maybe this is why I can’t even make one friend.

Someone like me—someone who gets paranoid over nothing, who overthinks things and gets hurt over imaginary wounds—must be such a pain to deal with. No one would want to be around someone like that…

……………………

I suddenly lift my head from my desk and slap my cheeks with a sharp peshitto.

The student next to me jumps in surprise.

Alright. Mental health mode: over!

There’s no point in dwelling on things I don’t even fully understand. I don’t know if Ren dislikes me, so there’s no reason to let my mind run wild.

For now, I should just switch gears.

But… maybe it’s better if I put some distance between us for a while.

※※※※※※

Today, not a single word of the lesson stuck in my head.

Not that it really mattered—I had already finished the entire high school curriculum long ago. Still, to avoid getting scolded by the teacher, I dutifully copied down the notes from the board.

Keeping my hands busy helped. At least for a little while, I could push aside the thoughts I didn’t want to deal with.

My handwriting was unusually neat today. A pointless observation, but one that distracted me for a moment.

At least today wasn’t a test. In this state, I might’ve actually lost my first-place ranking for the first time ever.

…Had Ren really taken up that much space in my mind?

But it couldn’t be helped, right?

He was the first friend I ever made.

---

The final class ends, and as soon as homeroom is over, the classroom erupts into motion.

Boys dart out of the room as if speedrunning their way home.
A few girls gather at the back blackboard, exchanging notes and quiet laughter.
And then, a group of boys leaves together, joking and nudging each other as they go.

Among them is Ren.

I watch the scene unfold as if through a screen—distant, detached. Everything feels strangely unreal.

As I sit there, lost in thought, a soft sensation envelops me from behind.

"Hey, what’s wrong? You’ve been acting really strange today, Sumi-chan."

Kanna-chan wraps her arms around me in a gentle hug.

The warmth of another person melts some of the tension I hadn’t even realized I was holding.

"Did something happen with Shimada-kun? If something’s bothering you, you can talk to me anytime, okay?"

That’s right. Even if Ren doesn’t see me as a friend, I still have Kanna-chan, don’t I?

"Really, I’m okay. I was just overthinking things and getting caught up in my own feelings. But thank you. Thanks to you, Kanna-chan, I feel better."

I tighten my grip on the hand wrapped around me from behind.

Unlike in my previous life, there’s someone who cares about me like this.

And that alone is enough to make me happy.

※※※※※※

While walking home with Kanna-chan, wrapped in her warmth and affection, my mood, which had sunk so low, finally lifted—just a little. But even so, by the time I reached home, a quiet loneliness had settled in again.

Tonight, I managed to enjoy watching TV, if only a little.

My mother looked relieved.

After taking a bath, I skipped my usual studying and flopped onto my bed.

I was exhausted—not physically, but from thinking too much about things I shouldn’t.

Sigh…

I unlock my phone and open LINE.

The chat history stares back at me. Rows of conversations. Call logs.

Outgoing calls. Only outgoing calls.

How did I not notice this before?

Before we started going to school together, we used to talk on the phone at night. I thought it was because we couldn’t talk much at school.

But… it was always me calling.

Even the messages—he only ever replied.

Never once did he reach out first………

I bury my face in the pillow, my chest tightening painfully.
I know it’s pointless to dwell on this, but now that I’ve noticed, I can’t ignore it.

Still, in this life, I’m lucky to have many friends — including Kanna-chan.
That alone brings me some comfort.

Tomorrow’s forecast: cloudy, then rain.
It feels like even the sky is reflecting my heart.

---

Yesterday was strange.
For the first time, there was no morning pick-up.

Thinking it was just one of those days, I went to school alone. But since it had been a while, my friends swarmed me with questions — mostly about Sumire.
It was a bit exhausting.

During lunch, Sumire, who usually runs up to me with a bright smile, just sat at her desk, staring into space.
I figured she probably wanted to be left alone, so I spent the rest of the day keeping my distance.

And now, it seems like I’ll be going to school alone this morning too.

For the past month, Sumire had made a habit of waking me up — usually by smacking me until I dragged myself out of bed. Embarrassed that she kept seeing my half-asleep face, I’d started setting my alarm earlier to avoid that.

But today, the house was quiet. The usual noisy Sumire never showed up, and I was left to start my morning in silence.

I’d gotten used to her presence, to the chaos she brought from the moment I opened my eyes. Without her, the quiet felt oddly lonely.

After finishing my routine and stepping outside, I was greeted by a stuffy, damp wind.

I’d hoped that the cloudy sky might bring some relief, but instead, the heat clung to me, heavier than usual — like the day itself was determined to drag me down.

Melting under the oppressive warmth, I finally boarded the latest bus.
Inside, the air conditioning hummed softly, cool air washing over me like a quiet relief.

As I absentmindedly scrolled through my phone, I opened LINE out of habit. That’s when it hit me.
Come to think of it, Sumire hadn’t sent me a single message yesterday. Or today.

Usually, she bombards me with texts, filling my notifications to the point of being a little overwhelming. But now, the silence felt strange.

At night, she always calls without warning, catching me off guard.
There were times when her sudden calls interrupted… well, private moments, leaving me flustered.

Even so, I always found myself looking forward to it.

Our conversations were rarely about anything important.
Sometimes, we didn’t even talk at all — just stayed connected, the quiet presence of each other lingering through the phone.

Drenched in sweat, I climbed the hill from the bus stop to the school, trudged through the noisy hallway, and finally reached the classroom.

But the moment I opened the door, a friend tackled me at full speed and dragged me back into the hallway.
A weird, involuntary noise escaped my throat.

What the hell is going on?

“Hey, what did you do?! Look at that — it’s a disaster.”

He whispered urgently into my ear, his voice low but sharp.
I followed his gaze, and my breath caught.

Sumire sat at her desk, her entire presence eerily muted.
Her face was drained of color, eyes vacant as she stared into nothingness.

Every now and then, she let out a heavy sigh — the kind that sounded like she’d given up on everything.

The lively, energetic Sumire I knew was nowhere to be found.

"You! How dare you do that to our Onodera-san?! Just let me punch you once!"

“Hey, stop it!”

For now, I push my friend aside and step into the classroom. Sumire remains motionless, still wrapped in a heavy, negative aura. I have no idea what’s going on — could something bad have happened?

Yesterday, I thought giving her space was the best choice, but this... this is definitely not normal.

I make my way toward Sumire’s seat.

“Ah, eh, Ren?”

“Yeah, it’s me.”

“Eh? Eh? You’re asking what’s wrong? I should be the one asking you that!”

What is she even talking about? (I’m lost.)

“Well, it’s just... you’ve had a face like you were about to jump off a building since this morning.”

“Eh? Did I really look like that? S-sorry... It’s nothing, really.”

She hurriedly pats her cheeks with her hands, her movements flustered and frantic. It seems like she didn’t even realize she was radiating that suffocating aura.

But looking closely, while she still seems a bit off, she doesn’t appear as shattered as before. If she doesn’t want to talk, I won’t force her.

“Well, I won’t pry, but everyone’s worried about you. If something happens, just tell me, okay?”

“There really is nothing, though. Thanks.”

She says this with a small, shy smile — the first smile I’ve seen from her since yesterday.

It was weak, fleeting... but at least she smiled.

※※※※※※

Oh no, oh no, oh no—this is bad.

The rain is coming down like crazy, and I don’t have an umbrella or a raincoat. I’m completely screwed.

"Hey, we’re friends, right? Of course, you’ll let me share your umbrella, right?"

"This is your punishment for making Onodera cry. Struggle all you want!!"

And with that, my so-called friend runs off, laughing like a maniac.

"Hahahaha!!"

I glare at his retreating figure. Curse you, traitor!!

Huh? What now?

Every single friend I approach just waves me off like I don’t exist.

"You guys aren’t even human..."

Left with no other choice, I stand by the window, watching the rain pour down, lost in thought.

I just don’t have the courage to sprint home while letting my textbooks get completely soaked.

Just then, I spot Sumire at the entrance, umbrella in hand, about to leave.

She’s my last hope.

"Sumire! I’m sorry! Please let me use your umbrella!!"

I rush over and plead desperately. She looks up at me, blinking in surprise.

For a moment, we just stare at each other in silence. It’s awkward. Just as I open my mouth to say something, she suddenly chuckles.

"Ahaha, isn’t it usually the other way around?"

"It can't be helped, okay?! You’re the only one left! Please!!"

"Heh, well… alright."

With that, she suddenly steps out into the rain, moving faster than I expected. Panicked, I hurry after her.

She stopped, and without turning to face me, raised her umbrella slightly and let out a soft "Hm," signaling me to step closer.

Gratefully, I slipped under the umbrella, and we started walking at a leisurely pace.

The umbrella wasn’t very big, and my shoulder ended up getting a little wet. Noticing this, she quietly closed the distance, pressing closer to me.

A faint, sweet fragrance reached me, making me feel lightheaded. I glanced at her, and for a brief moment, I caught sight of her cheeks, faintly tinged with red. I wonder if she’s a little embarrassed too.

It’s been years since we last shared an umbrella like this—probably not since elementary school. Back then, I was too innocent to think much of it. But those days, when being close to a girl didn’t stir anything in me, are long gone.

I wonder what she would think if I told her how I feel. Maybe she’d find it disgusting. Maybe she’d say she feels the same way.

Either way, I couldn't take that risk—not when it meant losing this small privilege of being close to her, even if only under the pretense of circumstance.

But this moratorium won’t last forever. Sooner or later, things will change.

Someday, I’ll have to make up my mind.

As we walk slowly, I remain hyper-aware of the warmth at my side—the subtle sensation of her presence against my right arm. By the time we reach the covered bus stop, she quietly closes her umbrella and brushes off the rain.

For a while, neither of us speaks.

"Hey… isn’t this kind of close?"

I break the silence, shifting uncomfortably. Even without an umbrella, she’s still sticking close. Normally, she’d laugh and tease me or ramble on about school, but right now, she’s quiet.

The silence lingers.

She doesn’t answer.

And somehow, that unsettles me more than anything.

What is this?

What kind of atmosphere is this?

The silence is awkward… suffocating.

As it stretches on, my senses sharpen unnaturally. The sound of swallowing, the faint rustling of clothes—everything feels too loud, too intrusive. Silly thoughts creep in, making me self-conscious. Do I seem weird right now? Do I look nervous? Am I acting like some socially inept kid, bracing for something that isn’t even there?

And then—

"Hey, we’re friends… right?"

Her voice cuts through the rain, breaking the silence.

"What are you saying? Of course, it’s obvious."

"Yeah…"

"If we weren’t, wouldn’t that mean the standard for friendship is ridiculously high?"

I answer without thinking, still unsure why she even asked. But once my words fade, the silence returns, heavier than before.

Did I say something wrong?

I glance at her profile, but her expression is unreadable.

"I’m always the one calling. Always the one starting the conversation. I wonder if I’m being a nuisance..."

Her quiet murmur lingers in the space between us. Ah, I see...

She’s always been like this—always a little lonely, even when surrounded by others. Maybe my passiveness made her uneasy, made her feel like she was the only one reaching out.

If that’s the case... then, honestly, I’m a little happy. At least it means I matter to her.

"It’s not a nuisance at all."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Is that why you were feeling down today?"

"...Yeah."

Wow... is she too cute?

So, she was feeling down because she thought I didn’t like her?

An overwhelming urge to hug her rushes through me. There’s no way I wouldn’t be happy if the person I like said something like that.

Wait… could it be that she likes me too? (Misunderstanding mode: activated.)

"Sorry. I guess I’ve just been too passive... but honestly, I’m really grateful that you’ve always talked to me. Thanks."

"...Is that so?"

For a second, my hand twitches, almost reaching to pat her head—but I hold back. That’s not something you do with a friend.

But then again, this closeness doesn’t feel very “friend-like” either.

And thanks to that, a different kind of problem is starting to arise.

I can feel my face heating up, partly from the cheesy line I just blurted out, but mostly because of how close she is.

Feeling the awkwardness creeping in, I turn my face away.

After a while, I noticed Sumire had gone silent. Curious, I glanced at her—only to find her staring right at me.

Before I could react, she giggled.

Crap. Did she notice my face turning red?

Flustered, I quickly turned away, but she giggled again, softer this time. Damn, this girl...!!

"Why are you embarrassed?"

Still laughing, she leaned in even closer. W-What the hell is she doing?!

Even through the fabric, I could feel her soft body pressing against me. Then, for some reason, she placed her hand right on my chest.

My brain short-circuited.

"W-W-What the hell are you doing!?"

I stumbled back in panic. What is up with her today?! She must be exhausted. Yeah, that’s it. Her behavior is too weird...

But then she tilted her head and smiled mischievously.

"Hey... are you excited? Your heart's racing."

"!!??"

She's a demon. She’s toying with my pure heart…

But wait—does this mean what I think it means?

I don’t know why, but… are we in some kind of romantic atmosphere now? Since when? Was there ever any sign of that?!

While I stood there, dizzy and agitated, she slowly moved closer.

Too close.

Our breaths almost touched.

Her cheeks flushed slightly, and her gaze softened as she looked up at me. Those eyes—captivating, unwavering. I couldn’t look away. My heart pounded harder, my breath hitched.

As our faces inched even closer, she leaned in and whispered near my ear.

"Actually, I'm nervous too... Do you know why?"

At that moment, I swore my heart nearly burst.

At this distance, with that face… those words… the impact was overwhelming. My pulse pounded so loudly I could no longer hear the rain. My hands trembled. My feet felt like they weren’t even touching the ground anymore.

She pressed even closer.

She must hear it.

The deafening rhythm of my heartbeat—thundering like a King Engine.

My entire body froze. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t run.

Not that I wanted to.

But… isn’t this already a confession?

I should just hug her right now. No, I need to.

"Um…"

"Hahaha, your face is really red."

Just as I tried to speak, she interrupted me—laughing. And then, suddenly—she pulled away.

Huh?

What?

"You’re fun to tease, huh? Could it be that you’ve fallen for me?"

...Huh???

Wait. What?!

I stared at her, completely dumbfounded.

She was facing me, smirking—a malicious, knowing smile.

And then it hit me.

I remembered.

Sumire is a hardcore prankster.

So I was just… teased?

Huh??

Seriously...?

Huh???

Really??

I swear I almost died just now, and she’s laughing? I glance at her again—she’s still grinning like a mischievous little devil.

…This girl is dangerous.

That was close… Too close.

If I had hugged her just now, I would’ve been teased for life.

I glance at her—she’s blushing too.

If she’s embarrassed, she should just stop it…

I clutch my chest, feeling my heart still pounding like a war drum, refusing to settle.

"That was funny."

"Shut up!! I’m a guy too! There’s no way I could’ve endured that!!"

She tilts her head, grinning. "So… you’re aware of me as a girl, huh? Hmm, I see..."

This girl… She’s finally awakened as a brat.

Fine. I’ll make her understand one day.

There are things you can and can’t do.

I’ve liked you since elementary school. If one day I lose control and attack you, you better not complain.

Try being in my shoes, constantly enduring temptation.

…While I was forming my master plan for revenge, the bus pulled up.

She kept smirking at me the entire time.

I ignored her.

And went home.

---

I decided to play a little prank. Payback for the mental distress I was put through.

(A bit of misplaced resentment, maybe.)

But… it worked way better than I expected.

He’s weak to this kind of direct flirtation, huh?

A healthy high school boy—too easily flustered.

Hehe. This reaction… it’s kind of addictive.

A little mean, maybe.

But, well… too late now.

Then, I noticed it.

My hands—trembling. My legs—unsteady.

Ah…

A wave of disgust welled up inside me.

What am I doing, trying to seduce a guy?

My face burned as I realized—I’m embarrassed too.

The rain swallowed up everything, leaving only the sound of my own heartbeat.

…No, I don’t need to confirm this.

I don’t need to check.

I refuse to check.