Card Eight: The Hermit

Feather, Leocadies, and Kya all sat closely in a circle with their legs crossed, knees touching and elbows bent on top of their thighs with sinister expressions, his two companions naturally matching his aura. Because they knew what he must be thinking. That maybe it was his fault reality was collapsing the way it was. Feather was the one who usually set the tone for their meetings, and the woman knew he would want to speak freely, which was why Kya pulled out her tarot cards and activated her concept of divination, using the Hermit to bring the card’s powers into reality, giving them a small private space to talk so long as they only talked about inner truths and knowledge.

Though the two visibly relaxed when Feather leaned backwards, hands moving to prop himself up from behind as he stared at the dark starry sky, clearly deep in contemplation. “Kya, how likely is it that I’m the one who broke reality?”

“...if you want my honest opinion, I think things will have to have been more complicated than that,” she answered with genuinity, Feather continuing to stare at the sky as she proceeded with her thoughts. “Everyone in every world and universe has learned how to channel immortality, to the point the mortal lifespan of only ninety or so years is a long ago dream, and immortality itself has become genetic. Not to mention, humanity has been enhancing itself so much that we’ve managed to stretch the maximum number of concepts one can have to be six instead of four, which was where the world was at twenty thousand years ago. And it’s also important to consider that in recent years, concepts themselves have begun to become more convoluted and complicated in how they work. I think all of these things are stretching reality far past its limits, and that your usage of the concept of anything might’ve just been what pulled the trigger. Though, if you’re to ask me, this fate was most likely going to be inevitable regardless of what you did, as humanity will only continue to expand. If you had not been the trigger, then something else would have been.”

And Feather slowly considered this, mulling the words over in his mind while he let them settle. It took him a moment, the wide waxing moon filling his blue eyes to the brim, but he eventually blinked, and spoke again. “And what do you think, Leocadies?”

The ginger-haired man had been awaiting this question to be directed at him, as well. He may not be as wise as Kya, but he knew Feather still valued his sensible judgment. Still, as he eyed his leader, blinking at him with those wide orange eyes of his, he stared long and awkwardly enough that Feather had to look at him. And his dark face that was the color of caramel remained very serious, Feather wanting to shy away from the intensity. But Leocadies wouldn’t let him, and answered swiftly, “I think it’s going to end up being your problem either way, boss.”

Which… that line really was so simple. So simple that Feather hated it, and quickly tilted his face back up to the sky as he shut his eyes tight.

Feather didn’t like responsibility. He abhorred it, despised it. It always made him miserable. But it’s not like he wanted more people to keep dying, either. The thought of other people dying made his chest hurt, and the thought of anyone going through the painful experiences he had made him feel very empty, like it was causing him personal pain. He didn’t like feeling that way, so he always tried to save as many lives as possible without labeling it as his responsibility. It was just something he liked to do… something he wanted to take part in. His actions, no matter how helpful, were all just whims he acted on for his own satisfaction and personal peace of mind. He didn’t do things because they were his responsibility, he did them because he wanted to. Because those actions made him feel good.

But if he were to choose to stay with Cirrus, saving reality would turn into a responsibility, wouldn’t it? Usually, he ran away from responsibility because it tied him down and stripped him of his freedom to do what he wanted. But if he were to choose that responsibility for himself, wouldn’t that be a little different? Maybe it would feel slightly less restricting. Maybe… or maybe not. Feather kept trying to have that make sense as his mind scrambled to make it work, sitting back up to place his hands on his knees while his back slouched. His bright, sky blue eyes were stuck on the ground in between their legs, but Leocadies was still busy staring at him with his flaming orange irises and narrowed cat-like pupils.

“Why does responsibility have to be something so restricting?” he asked after a moment, essentially reading Feather’s thoughts, as they knew each other well. After all, Leocadies had raised Feather ever since he’d been little, having been assigned as the man’s personal guard since birth, and he knew him better than anyone else. After dedicating the majority of his life to him, it would be a shame if he didn’t. So many centuries he could’ve spent doing other things, like continuing to climb the ranks as a soldier the way he’d dreamed of doing since he was a child, or following his own intimate desires and running into his lover’s arms, the same lover he hadn’t seen face to face in over four hundred years… or perhaps even going to visit his parents and three older sisters, who now thought he was dead after he’d framed his death to run away with Feather and Kya. All of these things he’d done for Feather’s sake, all of these hard decisions he’d had to choose between, and never once had he ever regretted any of his choices. Leocadies knew he never would, as he’d already sworn his loyalty to this very man and that would never waver. And he didn’t ever want Feather to think that he wasn’t worth it, either.

“You know, I view you to be my responsibility,” Leocadies spoke calmly, Feather’s blue eyes widening as he reflexively straightened his back. It felt weird that Leo wasn’t calling him boss, which only made him pay more attention to the man’s genuine words. “I may view you as my responsibility, but I’ve never once viewed that to be a bad thing. It’s because I want to serve you. I chose this path for myself, I chose this responsibility, and I have never once regretted it, because it’s something I truly care about, and you are a person I would gladly protect with my life if you ever needed it. I chose this responsibility, and I chose this purpose, because I knew I would regret it if I didn’t. And Feather… if you turn away from Cirrus now, and if you ignore reality’s cracks until they’re right in front of your face, possibly letting millions of more people die in the meantime… wouldn’t you regret that, also?”

He watched as Feather’s eyes faltered, Leocadies’ words sinking into his mind slowly and deeply before he ducked his gaze, fumbling nervously with his hands while Leo continued. “Responsibility isn’t always something you don’t want. It ends up being something you have to do, yes, but it’s not necessarily something you don’t want to do, either. Those things can coexist. And believe it or not, I think you’ve already been carrying a heavy responsibility on your shoulders for a long time. You always go out of your way to save everyone you can, and you break laws to preserve more lives, and you always do your best to help those who are ill or in need… was that not you taking responsibility for all of those people? Just because you wanted to do it doesn’t mean you hadn’t made it a responsibility.”

That… such words… Kya was always amazed when Leocadies said things like this. Her bloody red eyes were wide with her mouth a sliver open, her pale skin feeling as if goosebumps were crawling along it. In all truth, she often found herself being the voice of reason when the two men got too energetic or stopped thinking ahead, but it was always Leo who managed to get Feather to recognize those simple truths and who would help him realize what he was feeling and what he truly wanted to do to move forward. And really, all of it sounded so simple when it was said like that. And it wasn’t like Feather was oblivious to how much these two had sacrificed for him. He knew both of them had sacrificed their jobs and being with their families just to travel with him on his aimless journey across the Udimeia, with no destination or end in sight. Without them, he didn’t know where he would be.

Still, he didn’t know how to acknowledge these feelings of his out loud. It felt better knowing that Leocadies and Kya already knew how thankful he was, because… of course they knew. They’d raised him. Leo used to change his diapers and read him bedtime stories, and even though Kya hadn't been assigned his bodyguard while he was that young, she'd still guarded him when he went on adventures outside the castle and would help him pick out jewelry that complimented his features as well as bringing him books that she thought he'd find interesting. He liked to look at those two as if they were his older brother and sister, so he didn’t need to say anything sentimental out loud. He knew they already understood. So he merely let Leocadies’ words settle before smiling, swaying back and forth on his hips as he began to grin. “Alright, I guess I can be a little responsible and help Cirrus out! You know, since he clearly needs me ‘cause I’m so great.”

And he only smiled brighter when Leo finally smiled as well, the ginger man’s expression softening at his arrogant antics, before he burst out into an equal grin and leaned towards Feather with earnestness. “That’s right, boss! You are great, and you’re amazing! The amazing-est!”

“Exactly, I am! Thank you for saying so, Leo!”

“Of course, any time, boss! You know I never lie.”

“Hehehe…”

Well, that was nice. It was good they were joking around again, the heavy mood hadn’t been good for anyone. Though, as Kya looked back and forth between the two men, she knew she needed to speak up and bring something else to their attention that they had yet to discuss. So she slowly raised her hand, red eyes flickering between the two as she interrupted calmly, “Well, I do agree that you’re very amazing and all, but, um... you told Cirrus that you’re just a healer. He doesn’t seem to realize you have any other power besides that. Are you going to continue with that cover, or are you going to tell him the truth?”

“...”

“...”

“...”

Silence reigned, Feather and Leocadies both turning to stare at the woman in great shock. They had both clearly forgotten about that. She doubted they’d even remembered Feather had lied to begin with. And, well… oh. Right. Feather had indeed forgotten… but, well… in the end, it did work in his favor, so… did he really have to do anything about it? Lying to Cirrus never hurt anyone, right? Haha… it wasn’t like he needed that pushover to trust him anyway…

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“Are you sure we can trust those three, Cirrus?” Jayce was the first to protest inside their large tent, determined to be the voice of pessimism. And it only made him more concerned because, for some reason, ever since that serious-looking black-haired girl had pulled out some kind of card, they hadn’t been able to hear what they were saying no matter how hard they tried to listen, so they'd quickly given up trying. But now it was time he spoke some sense into his prince's mind, as this entire situation was completely unreasonable. “That guy, Feather or whatever his name is. He’s insane! And he slapped you! We can’t just let him join!”

“Ah, yes, I understand why you’re against it,” Cirrus smiled politely, and Jayce absolutely despised seeing that pathetic look on his face. “But this is the man Ruba was saying I must recruit above all else. She’d already told me he wouldn’t respect me, so I was expecting this—”

“Oh shut it, you bastard!!” Jayce roared, already extending a hand to pull at Cirrus’ collar, jerking him towards himself as he got up on one knee to position himself above him. “Why are you okay with this?! You shouldn’t be okay with him treating you like that!! Stop being a pushover!!”

At this, the scruffy man suddenly heard someone snort in the background, his nature green eyes flashing over to the sound as he glared at where Eve was giggling behind her hand. “Haha, well, Feather did keep calling him a pushover prince, so maybe he kinda had a point,” Eve snorted, Jayce quickly letting go of Cirrus to quip at her, the prince only moving to absently smooth down his tunic like nothing had happened.

“Shut it, Eve! You don’t have the right to insult Cirrus like that!”

“But you also called him a pushover, Jayce. Is it only alright when you do it?” Achitha remarked firmly, and the scruffy brown-haired man had no choice but to shut his mouth at that remark, and stiffly sat himself back down to brew, all while glaring daggers at Cirrus.

And, well… it wasn’t like he couldn’t understand where Jayce was coming from. Cirrus knew how he must look. It was just that… Ruba had told him to win this man over by any cost, and… he really didn’t know how else to win people like Feather over without letting himself get walked on. Feather was most definitely right, he really was a pushover prince… though, he already knew that’s what he was, so the insult didn’t bother him. He had thick skin, so people couldn’t call him the sensitive prince, at the very least. That did make Cirrus feel a little better about himself.

Still though, perhaps everyone was a bit too eager to be calling him a pushover today, so he was immensely relieved when Achitha changed the subject back to business despite her passive aggressive remarks, the woman sitting cross-legged while she leaned back on herself, her long burgundy hair tied up above her as she prepared for sleep. “I do agree that I wish Cirrus was better at standing up for himself, but we all know that’s not going to change, so we should focus on something more serious… like why Feather seemed so familiar with Cirrus in the first place,” she instructed, Cirrus wilting a bit at her passive insults while Jayce and Eve both nodded.

“Yeah, that was weird. His response was even weirder when Cirrus asked about it,” Jayce agreed, green eyes bright and alert with the fur on his neck still tense and splayed. His concept, one of the werewolf, allowed him to be more alert during the nights and made it to where he didn’t need to sleep as often as regular humans, and the fact he could go several days without sleeping made him a perfect guard dog.

But Eve was busy trying to recall what exactly Feather had said, rubbing her jaw and squinting before she made a gasp, hitting her fist into her palm with a bright exclamation, “Oh, that’s right! He said they hadn’t met in this life! What do you think he meant by that?”

“And there’s also everything else he was saying,” Achitha continued on that note, moving around to fetch for a blanket as she balled it up in her lap, moving her arms around it to have a small cushion. “Back when he was having his fit, a lot of his insults seemed like they were just random, but I think that’s not actually the case. Some of his insults were especially pointed, after all, like when he claimed that Cirrus didn’t have an inch of a backbone and that he only did whatever his mother told him to. There was also that particular comment about him saying he had no freedom, which I think is a very personal belief that shows he knows you well, or at least he thinks he does. Just who would know those things? Who would even be able to say the kind of stuff he said? It’s also important to note that Cirrus and Nadia don’t talk all that much in public, so how would he know that Cirrus is only following his mother’s orders? In fact, the woman has put in much effort to have the public think the opposite, that Cirrus is acting and making these decisions on his own. It may not be true, but that is what everyone is conditioned to think. How does Feather know otherwise?”

“I… I didn’t catch any of that… it’s just more reason why we shouldn’t trust him…” Jayce frowned heavily, Achitha giving a small nod as she continued.

“He was definitely speaking from personal experience, however that may be possible. I just have no clue when he and Cirrus would’ve actually met. Cirrus, do you have any recollection of him at all? Anyone who might resemble the Feather we see?” she turned to her prince, Cirrus’ eyes widening slightly at being expected to answer such a thing. 

He really didn’t know what to make of any of these statements, only allowing himself to be amazed with Achitha's acute memory. So… did Feather know him? But when he’d used his all-knowing eye on him during their conversation, the blond hadn’t been lying when he’d said they hadn’t met in this life… but then what did that mean? Why did he say it like that? It was all so confusing, and he felt himself visibly frowning as he tried to decipher it all… which, his mind had never been good with puzzles. It also didn’t help that he had never met another man like Feather in his life. It wasn’t until a blunt, honest voice spoke up did Cirrus finally pause to let himself breath, Eve’s voice clear and straightforward as the group turned to listen.

“Um… excuse me for overstepping my boundaries as the youngest and most inexperienced here, but I think we’re jumping to conclusions a bit too much. From what I gathered, I just assumed that Feather doesn’t like prophecies,” the younger woman shrugged, carefully brushing at her pale check with a finger as she spoke her mind. “He kept talking about how he didn’t like responsibility, and how he didn’t want to be tied to responsibility for theoretically a hundred years or something like that. He clearly values his freedom. And yet, at the same time, he says he’s met Ruba before…”

“Yeah. So what?” Jayce snapped, but Eve visibly ignored him and kept on with what she was trying to say.

“He says he’s met Ruba before, and it’s not like your grandma is always at the palace, Cirrus. She explores a lot, and is often traveling to other universes to hand out prophecies as the most powerful oracle in the Udimeia. It’s very possible she met Feather on one of those journeys, and judging by how he’s acting, she probably gave him a prophecy, and he didn’t like it, so he’s trying to rebel. Which means that he’s rebelling against you by default as well, since you follow your prophecy so openly. Not to mention, maybe he feels that he knows you so well, in such a superficial sense, because Ruba talked about you to him. After all, he said it’d been over four hundred years since he’d spoken with your grandmother, and from what I know about you, you were incredibly quiet, passive, and much more insecure back then, ten times worse than you are now. You’ve grown a lot. But if that’s all Feather has heard about you, his opinion makes a little bit of sense, right?” Eve explained her thought process well, everyone staring at her in a bit of shock at how much that made sense. “Perhaps Ruba just didn’t tell him the most flattering stories about you along with giving him a prophecy he clearly hates. Or at least, that’s my take. I don’t know how to make sense of everything otherwise,” the woman finished, and Cirrus couldn’t help how wide his eyes were, incredibly thankful for this young snow maiden’s wisdom yet again, and quickly turned in on himself to ponder. 

“I see. That makes sense. Ruba does like to talk, and often doesn’t have a filter once she starts talking about the past… I can definitely see her doing something like that,” he nodded along, his thoughts quickly coming together like clockwork in his mind before his amber eye darted back up to Eve. “So Feather’s heard some bad stories about me! Well, that doesn’t make me feel too good about myself, but I suppose it’s better than what we were thinking before…” he sighed, entirely defeated by this new turn of events. But, well, at least things made more sense now. 

Achitha was also thinking about it, and in the end, she felt she liked Eve’s theory quite much. Not only did it make sense, it also followed the timeline perfectly, and it was easier to comprehend than whatever nonsense Feather had been trying to make them think. “I also believe this is a good start when it comes to understanding him. Understanding him will be crucial if we’re meant to work with him for a long period of time, especially if Ruba has given him some other sort of prophecy to fulfill. I don’t think he’ll be willing to share that information any time soon though, so we should be patient and keep carrying out Ruba’s orders.”

Ahh, everything was finally starting to calm down. Only Jayce clicked his tongue while scratching at his olive-toned skin, feeling awfully itchy under the moonlight that was seeping in through the flaps of the tent, his irritation only making him more susceptible to growing fur he couldn't control. Not to mention, it was almost the full moon again, which only made his powers stronger. Man, what a headache. Both the moon and this newfound psycho he was now having to deal with. Why did he always have to be surrounded by such nuisances? “Tch. I still don’t trust him, and I never will. He’s crazy.”

“Well, we don’t have to trust him. We just need to work with him,” Achitha pointed out sensibly, although Jayce didn’t seem too happy with that either, which caused her look to soften. “Of course, trust always helps when it comes to working with others… but it’s not necessary.” 

“Great. So in other words, we’re gonna be suffering all the time now. How lovely.”

Yet, contrary to his gloomy and moody mood, Eve just beamed, still looking rather happy about all of this as she gave a wide shrug. “I think it’ll be fun! He was a bit… er, very disrespectful at first, but once Cirrus started targeting his morals, he seemed to really be shaken up and changed his mind really quickly! I think he’s a good person!”

Ah, she was ever the optimist, a great contrast to Jayce’s constant pessimism. Sometimes, it made the group want to follow her idealistic beliefs that could feel so wonderful when you let them embrace you, and Cirrus found that thought process to be truly comforting. And yet the dream was suddenly shattered when they heard screaming from outside of their tent, Jayce immediately flinching as dark brown hair sprouted along his arms and neck, the man already half transformed into a wolf before he stuck his head out of the tent to bear fangs. And of course, he only had more reason to be angry when he saw Feather’s hands reaching upwards towards the starry sky, the moonlight illuminating his platinum blond hair into a glowing white while his iridescent eyes reflected the shining rays of the moon, the insane view slightly breathtaking as it reached Cirrus’ eye. 

“Hahah!! As of today, I am Feather the wanderer, just a lowly healer who goes around doing absolutely nothing unless he feels the opposite! I am amazing and wonderful and glorious and better than everyone, and I’m going to be so useful that Cirrus will be so jealous of me he’ll suffer so much he’ll have to gauge out his eyes!!”

“Or better yet, cut off his tongue,” Kya threw in there for jazz, already well aware that Feather had just broken the spell she’d cast using the card of the Hermit so that the other group couldn't hear them, as the moment Feather had decided to lie, the conversation of knowledge and enlightenment was lost.

Though Leocadies was still laughing brightly as he gave an excited clap of his hands, enjoying the way the group of four were peeking out of their tent all at once to see what they were screaming about. “Yeah, yeah! He’ll be so jealous of you he’ll have to crawl under a rock and suffocate just to feel good with himself!”

“Exactly, exactly! You two see my vision! And then I’ll heal him and make him my pet!”

“Great idea, boss. What kind of animal do you think Cirrus is?” Kya asked rather curiously with a rare smirk crossing over her features, Feather only giving a triumphant smile as he placed his hands smugly on his hips.

“Obviously a dog. I should buy him a collar.”

“I’m going to fucking murder them,” Jayce seethed, about to crawl out of the tent and attack where attacking was due, only for Cirrus to place a careful hand on the ground as ice came jutting in front of the flap, stopping his childhood friend from impulsively leaving in his anger while giving a polite, yet firm smile.

“Leave them be, Jayce.”

“But Cirrus, didn’t you hear them?!” the olive-skinned man whipped around, bright green eyes glaring as he met his best friend’s serene face. “They said—!”

“I’m very aware of what they said. And I’m saying leave it be,” he reiterated cooly, his ice only hissing at Jayce before his friend jumped away from the snapping cold, forcing the hair on his arms and neck to smooth back down as he could only growl at the dirt, his claws digging anxiously into the soil to try and relieve any of his tension.

Cirrus was aware many people might view him to be a pushover. And he was very aware that his current teammates were no exception to that. But he had his reasons for being lenient. Ruba had told him that he must recruit Feather no matter the cost, and that he would be imperative to stopping the collapse of reality alongside the miracle worker. So in the wake of that knowledge, dealing with a few offensive jokes was nothing he couldn’t handle. It was a small loss of pride in exchange for reality, so he was confident in his actions, even if it made others view him like a pushover.

Still… if Eve and Achitha were right with their theories, and his grandmother really had given Feather some sort of prophecy that might coincide with his, that made Cirrus feel overwhelmingly relieved, even if they hadn't yet found the miracle worker. Because if he didn’t have to carry things alone anymore, then he would gladly survive humiliation and disrespect. If he could find someone to share his burden, the burden that had weighed on his shoulders since the day of his birth, then it was okay for Feather to act like this… because to him, if Feather were to take half of his burden away from his tired shoulders, then he really wouldn’t care how he was treated at all.