Chapter 45: 2-1

The day after Hermione and the Weasley family stayed overnight together at the Leaky Cauldron. Escorted by Ministry of Magic cars, we were riding the Hogwarts Express. Welcoming Harry, who had been held up by Mr. Weasley right until departure, the compartment was full with Ron, Hermione, Harry, myself, and one other person.

"Who's that?"

Ron rudely stared at the fast-asleep man.

"Professor Lupin," Hermione said.

"How do you know that?"

"It's on his case, isn't it?"

"...Maria?"

Ron and Hermione's conversation had completely slipped past my ears. I finally brought my attention back to the children when Harry peered at me suspiciously. All three of them looked perplexed.

"No, it's nothing."

...I just wanted to gaze at him for a little bit.

"Are you sure? Are you alright?"

"It's nothing new for Maria to space out."

"Are you still thinking you want to go to that snob's place?"

"Ron!"

Ron was making the exact same face he did when teasing Ginny for staring at Harry, so Hermione snapped at him sharply.

For some reason, Hermione was kinder than when I was Harry. I felt like she was more caring toward Maria. Maybe it's because they're both girls.

"Sorry, Maria. Even though you usually hang out with Draco. But I wanted you to hear this too."

"It's fine, Harry. Draco is probably with other kids anyway."

"Oh, a girl?"

"Huh? Leaving Maria alone? Malfoy?"

"You, who detests Slytherin's Malfoy, probably wouldn't know this, but Malfoy is actually quite popular. Lavender was even saying, 'He's so calm and cool, I can't stand it!' Even Maria can't afford to be careless."

I barely held back a snort at Hermione's words. That Draco—Malfoy, calm? Cool? How hilarious.

Besides, it seemed my roommates all had a tendency to misunderstand things, but Draco and I weren't in that kind of relationship. Sure, there might be a certain closeness precisely because we don't see each other as male and female... Wait. Isn't this bad?

If our closeness is misunderstood even by people who don't usually interact with Draco... Astoria might misunderstand too.

"...Yeah, you're right. I'll be careful."

Ron and Hermione were taken aback as I nodded firmly.

"To think Maria understands this kind of talk..."

"Color me shocked."

What is that supposed to mean? Stop looking at me like I'm a hopeless child.

"Sorry, but Maria's stuff can wait. Can I talk now?"

The two hurriedly straightened their postures at Harry taking charge.

"—It's about Sirius Black."

Harry spoke gravely about the news reports, what Stan told him on the Knight Bus, and the superficial truth he had overheard from Mr. and Mrs. Weasley.

That's not it! — I masked the urge to scream those words with the pain of my nails digging into my palms as I clenched my fists. The gentle way Harry wrapped an arm around my shoulder only made it harder to bear.

I am, and always have been, proud to have been sorted into Gryffindor. However—this cunning ability to suppress what is precious for the sake of calculation is undeniably suited for Slytherin. The Sorting Hat was absolutely right.

I wonder if Dumbledore felt this way too.

Dumbledore, who couldn't tell Harry until the very end. That great, cruel man who used his own life as a pawn to pave the way for the future—

I cannot protect Sirius.

I cannot act selfishly. If I act on my desires and cause an unpredictable situation, I don't have the wisdom to turn it around. I can't let it be a repeat of the Chamber of Secrets. Even though I'm observing from afar like Dumbledore—I don't have his adeptness at completely killing his own heart.

All I can do is—follow the future that I, Harry, know, make tiny adjustments, and prevent the loss of even just one of the things I let slip through my fingers in the past. If I get greedy and try to save everything, I'll fail. That's who I am.

Don't forget, arrogant Harry Potter. ...I'm not an omnipotent god who knows the future.

"What's that sound?"

Harry and Ron, who had been looking awkward for having scared Maria with the talk of Sirius Black, suddenly looked up. —A Sneakoscope. The one I got from Ron for my birthday was shrieking loudly.

Why—Ah, right. Scabbers.

Harry hastily wrapped it in robes and hand-me-down socks and shoved it deep into his trunk. The man the three of them were worried about continued to sleep as if dead.

The topic shifted to Hogsmeade. Now it was my turn to comfort a dejected Harry. As we caught Crookshanks—whom Hermione had let out—before he could pounce on Scabbers, the four of us spent a peaceful time nibbling on Cauldron Cakes.

Clack-clack... clack-clack... The train's speed dropped along with the darkening sky. Ron's thoughts of dinner overlapped with Hermione's puzzled voice.

The lights went out. —They're here.

"Quiet."

Professor Lupin, who had awakened, restrained the panicking children. In a situation we couldn't understand, the presence of the only adult who could use a wand was massive. Everyone focused on his movements.

"Don't move."

Seeing Professor Lupin, looking so ragged yet with eyes sharp and alert, reminded me of him in battle. The teacher who taught me how to face my fears—'my' teacher.

The cold air poured in. I hugged Harry on reflex. By then, I couldn't tell who was clinging to whom. Was I trying to protect Harry, or was I just seeking warmth?

Even in the darkness, an even blacker, hooded shadow stood in the doorway. I readied my wand on reflex. There was a strange, rattling sound of breathing. It was sucking it all away. Happiness—memories—hope—

—Harry... Potter...

—Cedric! Cedric! My boy! My son!

—Severus... please.

—Dead, dead! Sirius Black is dead!

—Look... at... me.

—Nice one, James!

"Maria!!"

There I was, right in front of me. The me from when I was weak and tiny. With a pale face, tears pooling in his eyes. Because there was nothing else to do but cry. He cupped my cheeks, trying to share his body heat. What could such small hands possibly do? I... Ah, right. —You are Harry.

"I thought you two were having a fit."

Ron timidly reached out to us. It seemed Harry and I had both fainted under the Dementor's influence. I saw my wand rolling nearby. I let my guard down too much.

"Here, eat this. It'll help. I need to go check on the other students."

Handing us some chocolate, Professor Lupin disappeared into the corridor. As we somehow supported each other with drained bodies and sat back in our seats, Hermione and Ron took turns speaking, as if they couldn't wait any longer.

'There is no one hiding Sirius Black in here.' —With what kind of feelings did Professor Lupin say those words?

Two of the best friends he thought would be forever were dead, and the cause was said to be the betrayal of his other best friend—leaving Remus Lupin all alone.

If it were us, it would be like being told Hermione or Ron had betrayed us and fallen to the Dark side. —I can't even begin to imagine that. ...It must have been the same for Professor Lupin and Sirius.

"Did you hear it too, Maria? That screaming..."

"Y-yeah."

Harry was referring to Mom's voice. I nodded vaguely at that.

Screaming. Crying. Begging. —Laughing.

Professor Lupin returned to the compartment and gave a wry smile at the chocolate still in our hands. Flustered, I urged Harry to eat, and took a bite myself. Just doing that made my chest feel warm, yet painful.

"Thank you."

When the two of us turned to face Professor Lupin, he gave a small gasp.

"No... are you alright? Harry, Maria."

He patted our heads hesitantly, and together with Harry, who wasn't used to receiving affection from adults, I gave a weak, wobbly smile.

Having parted ways with him as we got off the train, Hermione muttered while following Professor Lupin's back with her eyes.

"Harry makes sense, but it's rare for someone to know your name too, Maria."

"...Really."