Chapter 15: You and Me

No matter how long I live, no matter how my relationship with Yuri changes... our daily life remains the same.

Perfectly ordinary.

"Yes—the 'ordinary' of an exorcist.

---

"Ugh! Seriously, what a pain!"

Dawn was approaching.

Yuri and I stood face-to-face with a demon.

Our location? A remote area southwest of the holy Leyline—a day's train ride followed by half a day's trek.

Unlike the sacred lands, this place was thick with heat and humidity. The soft earth beneath our feet was dotted with trees, some patches so waterlogged they were practically mud.

A river near the sea, where saltwater and freshwater mingled. A glossy tree grew along its banks.

And here we were—exorcists on a mission to slay this demon.

"Elsie! Behind you!"

"I know!"

My legs were sunk deep into the foul mud, hindering my movement. Meanwhile, a serpentine shadow—the demon—slithered through the muck at terrifying speed.

A massive snake, twice our size. That was its form.

It reared its head from the mud, jaws gaping—and fired a glob of sludge straight at—

"Yuri!"

Not me. Yuri.

"Huh?! W-Wah— blurgh! "

A fist-sized wad of mud smacked him square in the face, staggering him. The demon coiled, lunging for the kill.

Its power? Mid-tier at best. The mud projectiles couldn't pierce Yuri's ether-infused defenses.

But a direct bite? That could be fatal.

"Take this! "

I swung my sledgehammer down—only for the demon to dive back into the mud, vanishing.

Again.

This had been going on for two days.

The creature was cunning—the moment we posed a real threat, it fled into the sludge, waiting until daylight to disappear entirely.

"Don't think you're getting away this time!"

I drove a small silver stake into the muck, then leveled my hammer, channeling holy ether.

"O Lord—"

A chant. A mimicry of miracles.

"—shine upon the wicked who defy Thee!"

"Holy Array!"

Ether surged between the stakes, forming a barrier. The trees I'd prepped earlier lit up, sealing the area.

A radius of hundreds of meters, saturated with holy energy.

Now, even hidden in mud, its general position was exposed.

The demon didn't understand the "miracle" I'd woven—but it was cautious, already retreating.

Not fast enough.

"Freeze—"

A shortened chant. Less precise, but quicker.

"Frostbite!"

The ground ahead of it iced over.

Mud, rich in water, froze instantly.

A crack echoed as the demon collided with the frozen earth. I expanded the icy zone, trapping it further.

Finally, it burst from the sludge—just as—

"...Yuri!"

He'd already recovered, kneeling in the muck, greatsword in hand—left arm outstretched toward the demon.

A deep breath—

"Hah—!"

He hurled the claymore.

The blade split the air, homing in—

The demon turned at the sound—

—and that was its last sight.

It reacted—but couldn't dodge.

The claymore impaled its face, splitting it vertically. The serpentine body writhed—

—but the momentum didn't stop.

The blade pierced through.

The demon collapsed, faceless, lifeless.

"...Phew."

I plopped onto my rear, exhaling.

The demon crumbled into gray ash.

Finally.

What a nuisance.

Ambushing us at night, fleeing at the first sign of danger—only to strike again when we least expected.

A cowardly demon.

Then—squelch.

Footsteps behind me.

"...Elsie."

Yuri's voice was pitiful.

I glanced back—and understood.

Even the parts of him above the mud were caked in filth. Especially his face.

...Thanks to that sludge shot.

Not that I was much better. My torso and shoulders were a mess.

I gave a wry smile at our mutual misery.

"Heh... Back to camp for now?"

"Y-Yeah... Let's... ugh."

He wiped his face with his sleeve—

—only to smear the mud further.

"Guh..."

His sleeve, also muddy, made things worse. His grimace was almost comical.

Seeing his dismay—

"Pfft—"

I couldn't help but laugh.

"……Y-You didn’t have to laugh…"

Yuri pouted slightly in protest, and the sight of it softened my expression.

Somehow, over something so trivial, I felt… warm.

---

A short distance from the wetlands where we’d fought the demon, inside a simple barrier I’d created through mimicry of miracles, was our current campsite.

Covered in mud, Yuri and I sat facing each other on a fallen log.

"It’s half a day back to the village from here… but like this, we can’t exactly return."

"Yeah… the mud’s weighing us down."

I lifted the mud-caked sleeve of my habit close to my face.

"And it’s gotten under my clothes. Disgusting."

Peeking inside the collar, I saw mud clinging directly to my skin.

"……Y-Yeah."

Yuri’s gaze darted away.

"What?"

"N-Nothing!"

Thanks to rolling around in the mud, it had seeped beneath my clothes, sticking to my skin and making everything feel gross.

"……Weird."

On top of that, the mud had multiplied the weight of my habit several times over.

It wasn’t unbearable… but if possible, I wanted to deal with it.

But without a change of clothes, the only option was—

"Yuri… I’m going to use mimicry of miracles to wash my clothes here."

"Yeah… Huh?"

Yuri nodded at first—then froze as he looked at me.

His eyes blinked rapidly.

"Uh, Elsie? What are you going to wear while your clothes are drying?"

"Isn’t it obvious? I won’t be wearing anything."

"……H-Huh?! B-But—"

Watching Yuri fluster, I sighed.

He’s not a teenager anymore… Wait, is he actually at that age?

If I counted my past life’s years, I was long past adulthood.

"Hah? What? Are you that embarrassed about seeing me?"

"It’s not that, but…"

It’s not like we had to look at each other.

And it’s not like Yuri would do anything even if he saw me.

"Then what’s the problem?"

"W-Well, it’s not about me! What about you?! A-Are you really okay with it?"

"Of course. It’s a little late for modesty, don’t you think?"

Yeah, way too late.

We’d already slept and eaten together in all sorts of places.

Though, admittedly, this would be the first time we’d seen each other naked.

But it’s not like I’d lose anything if he looked.

And if it’s Yuri… I don’t think I’d mind.

Probably.

Yuri averted his eyes under my stare.

"……If you’re fine with it… then I guess it’s okay… But, uh… I’ll try not to look…"

His reluctant nod made it clear he wasn’t fully convinced—but he didn’t want to argue.

With another sigh, I began peeling off my mud-soaked habit.

---

We’d brought in some dried wood from outside and lit it using a “miracle”… then hung our monastic robes nearby to dry.

Elsie had washed them for us—using a water-generating “miracle.”

Mine included.

The mud-stained robes were clean now, but… even with the use of a miracle, it looked like they’d need at least another hour to dry.

Until then—

“……”

I sat in front of the fire, wearing nothing but my underwear.

Thanks to Elsie prioritizing our undergarments for washing and drying, I was spared from being completely naked… though they still felt a bit damp.

Elsie was the same.

“……”

I kept my eyes averted, but she was sitting right there beside me… in her underwear.

I absolutely, positively couldn’t look at her.

My face was burning.

And I was pretty sure it wasn’t because of the fire.

“Yuri, once the clothes are dry, we’ll head back to the village… and from there, return to the Holy Land Leyline.”

“Y-Yeah, got it…”

My voice cracked.

I was extremely on edge… yet Elsie spoke so casually, as if none of this was a big deal.

“Even if the villagers insist on thanking us or whatever, don’t go along with them, okay?”

“Y-Yeah, I know.”

I was definitely the only one feeling awkward here.

Pathetic, I know… but still, when the girl you like is sitting next to you dressed like that, it’s not like I can help it.

“And also—”

I felt like curling into a ball and hiding my face.

There was no way I could let Elsie see me like this.

So easily thrown off balance by something like this—

“…Hey, Yuri. Are you even listening?”

I hadn’t heard what she said.

“Huh? Ah… s-sorry. Did you say something?”

“…Haaah.”

I apologized honestly, if clumsily. She sighed.

I couldn’t see her face right now, but I could tell she was exasperated.

Ugh, seriously… I just want these clothes to dry already.

I bit my lower lip, trying to contain the anxiety.

And just then—

“Yuri.”

She called my name.

“Y-Yeah?”

As I responded uncertainly, I heard the sound of footsteps approaching—soft, deliberate.

I didn’t look. I couldn’t look. Even by accident.

And then—

“Look at me.”

“…Huh?”

The voice came from right behind me.

Elsie… half-dressed, was behind me.

And yet she was telling me to look at her?

“E-Elsie? But—”

“It’s okay.”

What did she mean, it’s okay?

Had her clothes dried already? No… that couldn’t be it.

Still, I couldn’t ignore her when she said that, so—hesitantly—I turned around.

I turned to face her.

“Wha—”

And there she was.

Exactly as I feared. Or maybe expected.

Elsie stood there… in nothing but her underwear.

“H-Hey, Elsie…!? What are you—”

Flustered, I tried to look away.

But she gently cupped my face, keeping me from turning.

Her body filled my field of vision.

Smooth, pale skin. Firm and unblemished in some places…

But not all.

“See? Even when you look at me like this… it doesn’t really matter, does it?”

Her body was covered in scars.

Scars that hadn’t faded, even with the help of miracles.

Hairline fractures running along her arm from shielding me.

A long gash stretching from her navel to her inner thigh.

A burn-like scar beneath her arm.

Miracles hadn’t been able to erase them completely. They still looked painful.

“So you don’t have to make such a big deal about it—”

“O-Of course I do! I… I can’t just ignore this!”

But it wasn’t just the pain of it.

Seeing her skin stirred all kinds of feelings inside me.

I tore away from her touch and looked down, away.

“…Yuri?”

“B-Because… I’m a guy, okay!?”

My heart pounded.

I knew it wasn’t right. This wasn’t the time for those thoughts. But still, I was… kind of excited.

“But… even so—”

I didn’t understand why Elsie acted like her body had no value.

Because to me, to me—

“That’s not true… You’re beautiful. You really are.”

Beautiful. That’s what I thought.

Those scars were proof of everything she’d been through as an exorcist.

Proof of her fight to save others.

Some of them were from protecting me.

So no… I didn’t feel disgusted at all.

Even if she was self-conscious about them, I—

“…R-Really?”

“Yeah… Wait, did I just say something super creepy?”

“……”

“Ah, no, I mean— That’s not what I meant! Or, it is, but it’s not like that—!”

Flustered. Tongue-tied.

If I’m being totally honest, yeah, of course I want to look.

I’m a guy. Wanting to see the girl I like—it’s instinct, I guess.

But that kind of thing… it should only happen between people who are actually together.

We’re not dating, so it’s not okay for me to look.

And if I tried to say all of that out loud, Elsie would probably think I was some kind of creep.

As I panicked, unsure of what to do, Elsie—

"O-okay, I get it... I'm sorry, Yuri."

I could sense him shuffling away from the spot.

"Ah."

It was over.

I replayed my own words and actions from earlier in my mind.

I had seen Elcie half-naked and said, "You're beautiful."

What kind of pervert does that? Oh right—me.

No doubt, she must feel disgusted with me now.

This is the worst.

I want to take back what I said.

I’m embarrassed.

Pathetic.

I slump down onto the ground.

Overcome with self-loathing, I bury my face between my knees.

If only there were a hole to crawl into.

"……………"

"……………"

Neither of us speaks a word.

An awkward tension hangs in the air, mingling with the scent of something burning.

The only sound is the crackling of wood in the fire.

---

Yuri is right beside me.

The smell of burning wood lingers.

I hug my knees.

I want to hide my face.

Even though I’m half-naked, my body feels hot.

Especially my face.

I replay what just happened in my head.

I wanted to prove to Yuri that I—as a woman—had no worth.

To make sure he wouldn’t see me as a romantic interest, knowing how little time I have left... That’s why I did it.

...But it was a mistake.

Any rational person could see that.

This just makes me look like some kind of pervert.

I’m so embarrassed, so ashamed, that I bury my face deeper.

Yet my heart pounds so hard it feels like it might explode.

"…………"

My gaze drifts down to my own body.

It’s covered in scars.

I’ve lived recklessly, fighting demons.

To protect others. To reduce the number of grieving people.

To compensate for my own weakness, I disregarded my own well-being.

These scars are the result.

I don’t regret them.

But every time I see them in the mirror... I can’t help but feel something like resignation.

As if I were some ordinary girl my age.

Even though nothing about me—my true age, my gender—fits.

And yet, I still long for the same happiness as anyone else.

Only to immediately give up on it.

"…………"

I know.

These feelings are a mistake.

They’re not something I should have.

I mustn’t give them a name.

I mustn’t acknowledge them.

If anyone knew—if I fully realized them—no one would be happy.

So it’s better if I don’t know.

I hug my knees tighter, as if clinging to myself.

"…………"

Yuri is a good person.

Kind, hardworking, always acting for others’ sake.

So I want him to be happy.

Forget the original story, forget the plot—none of that matters.

Not as the "protagonist," but as Yuri, I want him to find happiness.

I want to see him smile.

I don’t want to see him cry.

So... I won’t name this feeling.

I won’t examine what it really is.

I’ll look away from it.

For his sake.

For mine.

I let out a long, deep sigh.

---

The villagers tried to throw a feast for us—the heroes who saved the village—but I ignored it and left.

I didn’t want to get tangled up in unnecessary trouble.

By the time the sky turned crimson, Yuri and I were already on the train.

The usual facing seats were full, so we ended up sitting side by side on a larger bench.

Close enough that our shoulders touch.

The train sways.

The sunset-stained scenery flows past the window.

This train arrives in the morning—meaning it’s a special overnight service.

I would’ve preferred one of the private sleeper compartments, but...

Yuri, sitting right beside me... looks awkward, his eyes fixed on the passing view.

The aftermath of what happened earlier must still be weighing on him.

After seeing this scar-covered body of mine—

"You're beautiful."

My face burns.

My heart races.

I can’t even mock Yuri for this.

Is my mind being influenced by my body’s age?

But more than anything, it’s just awkward.

The scenery outside isn’t even interesting, yet Yuri keeps staring at it.

In the silence, I feel the faint vibrations of the train.

I consider just going to sleep, but my heartbeat is too loud to let me rest.

Tap.

My finger brushes against something.

It’s Yuri’s hand. He turns to look at me.

Our eyes meet.

"Ah—Elsie... s-sorry."

"It’s... it’s fine, really."

And just like that, his gaze wavers again.

"…………"

"…………"

Silence fills the space once more.

Even if I try to say something, the words catch in my throat.

I feel a flicker of irritation.

Why am I the one getting nervous around Yuri?

Why is he trying to avoid me?

I know neither of us is at fault.

But it still irritates me.

Fine, I’ll get mad.

I’ll scold him, even if it’s a little unfair.

I’ll say something.

Here goes—

"Uh... Y-Yuri."

...But what comes out is a weak, shaky voice.

"...Elcie? What’s wrong?"

Wait, why does he sound so calm now?

Stumbling over my words, I meet his eyes properly—

"Elsie...? Uh, why are you glaring at me? Did I do something wrong?"

That's what he had to go and say.

"Nothing. At. All. Why?"

"Huh? Oh, uh, right! I didn't do anything, right?"

Hearing Yuri's flustered response, I averted my gaze just as the train's food vendor arrived.

"...Yuri. Dinner?"

"Ah, sure...? Yeah, I'm hungry. Let's eat."

We bought two train meals from the vendor and set them on the fold-down table. Two cans of dark brown beef stew (sans vegetables) and two loaves of dense rye bread. I dipped my bread into the stew and took a bite.

"...It's alright. A bit salty though."

"Probably made strong to taste decent even when cold."

It was seriously salty. Enough to make my throat dry...

I drank from my bamboo-textured canteen. As I gulped loudly, I noticed Yuri staring.

"What? Want some water?"

"Ah, no... not really. I've got my own canteen..."

He was still hung up on earlier. Not that I wasn't either... but this was getting tiresome.

More than that, I never realized how stressful it'd feel to struggle holding normal conversation with Yuri. So—

"...Forget what happened earlier."

"...Earlier?"

"You know what I mean."

"R-right... I'll forget it."

His stiff laugh betrayed his words. ...Why did I ever feel that way about someone like...?

Wait, no. That's not it.

With no particular reason, I jabbed Yuri in the ribs.

"Ow! Hey—Elsie?"

"...Hmph."

I snorted and looked away, crossing my legs to turn my body from him.

...Objectively speaking, I was acting like some violent anime heroine.

Except I'm no heroine. Absolutely not.

Then what? A workplace harasser? Yeah, that fits.

My thoughts spiraled in dizzying circles until my face burned.

I was completely losing it—

"Elsie, your face is red... you okay?"

"Hah? Worrying about me is a decade too early!"

My vision swam. My head felt foggy...

"...Elcie? Sorry about this."

Before I could react, Yuri pressed his hand to my forehead. The sudden contact shocked me—flustered me—until my face burned crimson.

"...Thought so."

Thought what? Could he tell what I'd been—?

"You're burning up, Elcie."

"Burning up?"

I touched my own neck. ...Hot.

So... what? All that heat in my face, the dizziness over Yuri... wasn't because of... that? Just a fever?

"...I see."

"'I see' nothing! You've got a fever... probably from going out naked in the rain..."

I slumped into my seat with relief as Yuri fretted.

Yes, relief. Because now I understood. Those weren't special feelings for Yuri—just feverish delusions. That explanation satisfied me.

What a relief. Dreaming of unreachable futures hurts too much. Now I could rest easy knowing I never wanted that. Never...

Ah, good.

With awareness came fatigue, then drowsiness.

"...Yuri, I'm sleeping. Wake me at the Holy Land."

"Y-yeah. Got it... but we're visiting the clinic afterward. I'll carry you if needed."

"...Do what you want."

I closed my eyes. Having pulled an all-nighter fighting "demons" yesterday, sleep came easily.

In the gently rocking train... like a cradle...

---

Early morning.

I awoke to find my head resting on Yuri's shoulder. Flustered, I jerked away from his sleepy face only to notice a blanket draped over me.

He must've borrowed it from the attendant. Thoughtful.

That same Yuri looked at me now... and smiled softly.

"...Morning, Elcie."

I must still be sick. Because my fever's clearly not gone yet.