Chapter 8: The Eldritch Goddess’s Dilemma

Clatter, clatter went the carriage as it carried me back to the manor.

In this world, automobiles have already been invented—and even mass-produced.

However, to the general public, they were still unfamiliar contraptions powered by mysterious mechanisms. That’s why, even in our household, we still relied on horse-drawn carriages.

Still, as we rode through the streets, I could spot automobiles here and there. I saw one with an old-fashioned design chugging along the road with all its might.

I wondered if I could get Father to buy one for me if I begged sweetly enough... when our manor came into view.

But something caught my eye—there was a group in black military uniforms gathered near the neighboring estate. Those are... the State Gendarmes?

The State Gendarmerie is this country's equivalent of the police. They're not part of the military like the army, but rather under the Ministry of the Interior, handling criminal investigations and public safety.

That such a force was swarming around our neighbor’s house was... odd. What’s going on?

Just as I was pondering this, an ambulance—though still a horse-drawn one—pulled up in front of the neighbor’s home. From inside came the injured residents, escorted out one by one.

“What could have happened?”

“It’s of no concern to us, my lady,” said my maid in a composed tone as I tilted my head.

We passed by the neighbor’s estate, arriving at our own. There were no gendarmes or ambulances here. It really didn’t seem like we were involved in the incident at all.

“I’m home,” I announced as I stepped through the entrance hall.

“Welcome home, my lady,” the line of servants replied in unison, bowing their heads.

“Where are Father and Mother?”

“The master is in the study. The mistress has gone out to a meeting.”

“I see.”

A “meeting” probably meant something related to witches. Likely nothing good.

As for Father... he’s probably still steeped in madness. But I should at least inform him that I’ve returned. Even if he’s unhinged, he’s still my actual parent—and he’s the one paying for my education at the academy.

“Father, I’ve returned.”

I knocked on the door to the study and called out. With a loud bang, the door swung open, and Father appeared, eyes still wild and bloodshot as always. Terrifying.

“Iris, or rather, Ililith! You’ve returned! How was the academy? Surely, the pathetic attempts of those ignorant, lowly creatures to attain knowledge must’ve seemed utterly comical to one such as yourself. They delude themselves into thinking they understand the universe after glimpsing the tiniest fragment of it—blissfully unaware that a truly great being like you even exists. Oh, the pitiful shallowness of mankind! Heeheeheehee!”

“Y-Yes. I think I’ll enjoy my time there. By the way, did something happen next door?”

If I listened to Father for too long, I felt like I’d go mad myself.

“An incident? Ah, you mean the neighbors. A foolish man simply couldn’t withstand the truth. He became aware of your existence and could no longer bear the knowledge that he was nothing more than a lowly beast—just a human. Realizing that he was a worthless lump of flesh in the grand scheme of the cosmos, he lost his sanity. Then, with a shotgun in hand, he shot his wife and child, and finally himself...Kekeke… keheheheh!"”

Whaaa!? It’s my fault again!?

Please stop already! It’s starting to sound like I’m some kind of walking catastrophe! I mean, I can’t completely deny that, but still!

“More importantly, Iris—or Ililith—tonight is the gathering. A congregation in your honor. A great multitude of believers shall assemble to praise your magnificence. With flesh and blood, they will venerate you. There will be blasphemy, chaos, domination, and madness. Even the witches who worship you shall attend—those abhorrent half-blooded witches will arrive in numbers grander than on Walpurgis Night itself. Glorious, glorious! Hihaha, keheheh… keheheheheh!”

“O-Oh, I’m looking forward to it, Father.”

No I’m not! I absolutely, definitely don’t want to go to something like that!

I wanted to say it out loud, but he was in the throes of insanity. Provoking him could be dangerous. I’d rather play it safe for now.

“Look forward to the night. Even now, mankind still cowers before the darkness…”

And with those words, Father shut the study door and resumed one of his bizarre prayers.

“This is bad…”

I muttered to myself back in my room.

There’s no doubt the gathering is going to be something terrifying, but what worries me more is the potential collateral damage that might result just from me being there.

The incidental damage caused by my mere presence is no longer something that can be ignored. At this point, even a sneeze might be fatal to someone. If I could control this power, it might be useful—but I can’t. Not at all.

Seriously, what am I supposed to do…?

If the casualties were limited to the cultists who worship someone like me, I wouldn’t feel too bad. But our neighbors weren’t cultists. And I just heard that several students at the academy have already taken leaves of absence—or even dropped out.

Ah… so this is what it means to be an eldritch god.

An entity not of this world. A transcendent being ruling over the cosmos from a higher dimension. A calamity defined by maddened logic, incomprehensible thought, and values entirely alien to human understanding.

That’s why it doesn’t care how many humans die or lose their minds.

I saw my reflection in the mirror.

A beautiful, beautiful girl. A doll-like, artificial beauty. But beneath that perfectly crafted skin lay madness and writhing flesh.

“Well... I’m sure it’ll work out somehow.”

Smiling faintly, I said that to my reflection.

A Diary of Madness

Ah… Ah… The world has opened before me.

People look up at the sky and gaze at the stars. Yet they are nothing more than lumps of ignorant flesh, incapable of even imagining what truly lies beyond. They stare upward, never realizing that something is looking back down.

I have learned the truth. A grotesque, unbearable truth.

There are beings in the universe far superior to us. No—there are transcendent entities before whom we are lesser than insects.

We, the lowly beasts, have clung to comfortable lies. We worshiped gods—fabrications of man—under the guise of ancient teachings. How foolish we were. How meaningless it all was.

We begged for mercy. We strove to do good, to uphold order. But no such god exists. That was fantasy. Delusion. Lies. Gibberish. The babble of schizophrenic minds.

But now I know. I know what it means to behold a being truly worthy of the title “god.” One who is worshiped as master.

In the presence of that being, we humans are utterly worthless. Not even a speck of value remains. We are filth. We are worse than the maggots festering in corpses. We are meaningless. Valueless. Nothing but twitching meat, animated by mere chemical reactions and electrical impulses.

Worthless. Worthless. Worthless. Worthless. Worthless. Worthless. Worthless. Worthless. Worthless. Worthless. Worthless. Worthless. Worthless. Worthless. Worthless. Worthless. Worthless. Worthless. Worthless. Worthless. Worthless. Worthless. Worthless. Worthless.

No value! No meaning! Our joy, our happiness, our sorrow—none of it meant anything!

Ah… Ah… So I chose to free my family from this meaningless existence.

Surely, once others learn the truth, many more will do the same. When faced with something truly great, they will all follow suit.

…We should have known that the truth is always terrifying.

—From the diary of the late Gustav Overbeck, a wealthy man who took his own life.