Chapter 108: Awaken Now

——Maybe I’ve just forgotten why I started running in the first place. Maybe that’s why I’m scared now.

In front of me is the me from long ago, her eyes sparkling as she watches TV. Sitting beside her is “me”—or rather, “him”—and the two of us are watching an old Apollo Rainbow race together.

This place is the deepest part of my heart. It’s the only place where the two mixed, merged personalities can speak freely.

He strokes his chin and casually says,

“It might be my fault.”

The meaning behind those words is obvious: the very foundation of my dream is starting to waver. I was surprised by his sudden appearance, sure—but I’d already sensed that the problem might lie within me.

“…No, if anything, I’ve been saved thanks to you. This is my issue.”

“Nah, our memories are all jumbled together, so I can’t say I’m totally off the hook. I mean, my only real achievement was finding Tomio. And if anything, I’m the one who smeared mud all over your debut record in the junior class…”

…Back in April, when I entered the junior class, I was in complete despair. I’d made it into Tracen Academy, sure, but right from the start, I was crushed by the incredible level of those around me.

My confidence shattered almost immediately. The classroom stuff was fine, but joint training sessions were pure hell. I couldn’t help but be compared to the other girls, reminded constantly of how powerless I was.

I’d made it in solely because of good grades and solid stamina, and for someone like me, Tracen Academy—with its insanely high standards—was nothing short of a nightmare.

At the end of March, my parents sent me off to the dorms. Come early April, full-scale classes and joint training began, and that’s when I realized just how delusional I’d been.

First off, there were way too many talented girls my age. Special Week, King Halo, El Condor Pasa, Grass Wonder, Seiun Sky—the list goes on. Even if I didn’t directly compare myself to them, it was painfully obvious that my abilities didn’t even measure up to the average student.

My roommate in the dorms even said as much, sighing about it—but she, Guriko, clearly had more talent than me. She was known as a promising sprinter, especially rare in our generation, so I couldn’t tell if she was mocking me, being considerate, or genuinely believed what she said… Either way, I didn’t like her.

When we first enrolled, we didn’t have individual trainers. We trained under instructors as a group, meant to get us used to Tracen’s system and build a foundation.

But the instructor phase didn’t last long. And their training style wasn’t exactly tailored to individual strengths. Before I knew it, the selection race was fast approaching.

Most girls didn’t show notable improvement in group training, so any performance gap present at enrollment would likely remain unchanged during the selection race. If I went up against a top contender, I’d obviously lose. And even in races without any stars, I’d be lucky just to make the top five… That kind of analysis kept me up night after night.

Before the prep period for the selection race, we had a mock race under the instructors’ watch. I placed 11th out of 11. A flawless defeat—no excuses.

I couldn’t even raise my head, suffocating in frustration and humiliation. I’d come to Tracen clinging to a faint dream of becoming the strongest stayer, and even the smallest glimmer of hope had been shattered.

Somewhere in the back of my mind, I recalled stories of girls who left Tracen. Those used to feel like distant tales about someone else. After all, I’m the main character of my own life—so isn’t it natural to expect to be the protagonist of my story?

But I wasn’t. I was the kind of forgettable background character no one remembers. The regret, the disgrace, the sheer helplessness—it all consumed me. A week passed since the entrance ceremony, and I still didn’t feel like I belonged.

But facing that reality, I had a strange shift in mindset. If a mediocre girl like me wanted to become something special, I couldn’t live an ordinary life.

At the very least, I’d give it my all until the selection race. Struggle, fight, claw my way into a trainer contract. And if it didn’t work out… I’d just apologize to Mom and Dad.

That’s how I ended up running along the riverbank every evening, right up until curfew. And one day, when I came to, I was standing—before the statue of the Three Goddesses.

…You know the rest. That’s when “he”—that happy-go-lucky idiot from who-knows-what-other-world—showed up. He didn’t care about my hesitation, or my pain, or even the obvious lack of physical ability. This weird new personality just kind of took over.

He called me cute and turned that into endless motivation. He didn’t even know how to run at first, but somehow, he managed to win the selection race. He started interacting with Guriko and Spe-chan and the others without hesitation… It was thanks to “him” that I caught a good tailwind at the start of my junior year.

Not to mention, it was his achievement that led to the creation of the “Extreme Front-Running” style. He said it was thanks to his knowledge of horse racing and games—though I still don’t really get what that means even though we share memories. I know his past life was just a regular person, but I was stunned at how much of a difference motivation alone could make.

The old me was quiet and introverted. “He,” on the other hand, was bright, reckless, and impulsive. The new me, born from the full fusion of the two of us—blending our best traits—is the reason for my success now.

By the way, during the early part of junior year, before we fully merged, “he” had a pretty strong grip on the body. After I “fell for him”—a concept I somehow absorbed along with his weird vocabulary and knowledge—we now move the body about 60-40 in my favor. Our minds are completely fused now, so it’s hard to explain, but that’s the general idea.

And from this fusion came a distortion—a crack in the foundation of our dream. A hole caused by the uneven melding of memory and spirit.

Of course, I don’t blame him. He’s the one who found Tomio. He taught me that completely insane running style. I owe everything to “him.”

He folds his arms behind his head and gently pats the head of the little Apollo Rainbow. She narrows her eyes and smiles blissfully at the touch.

“Hmmm, what went wrong, I wonder? I mean, we saw signs of this back during the Stayers Stakes… It’s just frustrating we haven’t found a solution yet. Isn’t there something we can do?”

“…This one’s on ‘me.’ Sorry, but I don’t think there’s anything you can do to help.”

“What about asking Tomio for advice?”

“Hmm… I’d just be burdening him. I doubt he’d come up with a fix.”

“Seriously? He’s our trainer, y’know. I think we should rely on him.”

“…It’s not the kind of problem you can just talk through and fix. It’s… complicated.”

I don’t even fully understand what’s causing this issue. If I did try to talk to him, it’d just trouble him more. I can’t even recall what race we saw on TV. I don’t remember the face of the winning girl. Heck, I’m not even sure if it really happened.

Telling Tomio about some random memory fragments would just stress him out even more, especially during this brutal work stretch. “He” thinks, “Tomio’s our trainer, so you should be free to lean on him like a kid,” but…

“…Still, I can’t shake the feeling that I am part of the problem.”

“…Why’s that?”

“Well, you probably already know I used to want to be a pro athlete or game developer. But I graduated school like normal, joined a regular company, started working a normal job… and somewhere along the way, I think the ‘me’ that chased dreams and the ‘me’ grounded in reality started to split. And maybe that’s what’s messing with you now. I can’t explain it well.”

He gave up on his dreams and chose reality. But somewhere in his heart, he kept thinking, “I’m not the kind of guy who should rot away in some office.” “If the real me got serious, I could be a soccer player, a game dev, whatever.” “I’ve got hidden talent no one knows about.”

That mindset helped him endure reality, sure… but maybe that delusion got a little too strong. He ignored reality and just projected everything onto a dream—to avoid looking at things that weren’t going well.

And that way of thinking… ended up mixing—badly—with me, caught between reality and dreams. That’s what led to the missing piece at the heart of Apollo Rainbow’s dream. At least, that’s how he sees it.

“That fuzzy feeling we’ve had probably started after we won the Kikuka-shō and began thinking about Europe. We saw the reality of long-distance flat racing over there… and maybe that’s when we realized the gap between our dream and the real world.”

“Ah… yeah, that makes sense.”

“You thought Europe would be as passionate as Japan. But it turns out Japan’s just weirdly intense. Over there, it’s more normal—or even a little less. And you thought Japan was normal. That shock, combined with all my worst traits flaring up… led us here. Right?”

I only became a top Japanese racer because our strengths aligned perfectly. Especially his motivation, boosted by having his TS fantasy fulfilled—it was incredible. The guts and tenacity I have now, I owe that to “him.”

His explosive energy was insane. He’d played Uma Musume Pretty Derby before, so the moment we got into Tracen, he knew it was a place of infinite possibility.

He backed me up with near-superhuman effort and drive. When training got too tough, he used my looks to stay motivated. A

dd in the fuel of my budding love for our trainer, and enjoy normal social interactions with friends, all while hungrily devouring the Twinkle Series—something he never experienced as a human…

——Yeah, he’s basically a lunatic. But that lunatic is the reason I got this far.

However, he had already learned the truth about horse racing in Europe. When I won the Kikuka-shō and turned my eyes to Europe, I couldn’t help but think, “Ah... the popularity really is fading,” and that thought cast a shadow over my mental state. It was just plain bad luck.

After we finally reached a conclusion about the emotional issue, he looked genuinely apologetic. But I didn’t feel the slightest urge to blame him. On the contrary, I thought: This is a wall I must overcome myself.

“Taking on a normal person’s soul instead of a racehorse’s… it’s kind of a punishment, isn’t it? You okay with that?”

“I’m not really sure, but yeah. I’ve been relying on you all this time, so this must be a trial given to me by the Three Goddesses. If I can break through this wall, I think I’ll grow stronger.”

“…You’re already strong enough. Since we’ve settled this, I’ll be stepping back.”

Saying that, he began to fade away. But I grabbed his shoulder to stop him and decided to ask something I’d been wondering about for a while.

“Can I ask you one thing?”

“What is it?”

“Why did you choose Tomio in the first place?”

“Love at first sight. He just seemed like a really good guy, so I picked him without hesitation… Wait, you already know that, don’t you?”

“……”

“Come on, it’s fine. He was clearly fired up about training a stayer and looked like someone who’d agree to partner with us. He fit all the conditions perfectly.”

“Well… you’re not wrong.”

“But you seriously fell head over heels for Tomio, didn’t you? I mean, I like the guy too, sure, but your love? From where I’m standing, it’s a bit too intense.”

“W-What!? You’re totally in love with him too!”

“Shut up! I like him as a partner, okay? It’s like, not love. You get that, Miss ‘Love’-struck Apollo?”

“Ugh, shut up shut up shut up! Just go away already!”

“Your reaction’s priceless. What, are you gonna die if you kiss Tomio or something?”

“K-Kiss Tomio!???!!?”

“……”

Just imagining kissing Tomio turned my whole body hot, like I was boiling over. I put a hand to my cheek, caught in a dreamy daze—then snapped out of it, shaking my head, hugging my head in panic, doing all sorts of erratic things from embarrassment at how I’d react if that ever really happened.

he shrugged, then gave a smug, gross smile and started petting the small Apollo Rainbow. She looked back and forth between me and him with innocent eyes, tilting her head slightly.

“You’re gonna grow up to be one of those hopelessly lovesick horsegirls. Watch closely now~”

“Really~?”

“Yep, really~”

“Yaaay! I’m gonna be a hopelessly lovesick horsegirl too!”

“S-Seriously, shut up! I haven’t forgotten, okay!? That time you got really flustered around Tomio! You’re just as hopeless in love as I am!”

“Shut it.”

“Don’t just say ‘shut it’!”

“I don’t wanna hear anything inconvenient.”

“Don’t go declaring your selfishness out loud like that…”

As he continued patting her head, the little me dozed off completely. I moved closer, laid her head on my lap, and we gently patted her back together.

Through sharing the same body and mind, a strange friendship had formed between us. We revealed both strengths and weaknesses without hiding a thing, pushing each other forward toward the same goal. We were born in different worlds, different ages, everything was different—yet our hearts were surprisingly compatible.

Once I confirmed the small me had fallen asleep, I let out a sigh, thinking about Tomio.

“…Sigh. I wonder if Tomio likes me…”

“Pretty sure he does. I mean, look at you—if a girl with your looks was broadcasting ‘I like you’ signals full-blast, every guy in the world would fall for you.”

“You really think so…?”

“No doubt. He even said Apollo Rainbow is his ‘forever,’ remember? That says a lot.”

“Then… if I confessed, do you think he’d say yes?”

“Ahh… that’s not gonna happen.”

“Why not?”

“Because Tomio’s an adult. He sees you very clearly as someone he has to protect. He might be a bit suspicious sometimes, but he won’t cross the line. You’re a kid, and he’s the guardian. Until you graduate, he’ll keep that distance.”

“…After I graduate, could we be together?”

“No idea. I really do think he likes you, but Tomio is super solid when it comes to stuff like that. You’ll just have to wait till you grow up.”

“…Till I grow up, huh.”

“Whoa, what’s with that lonely look on your face!? You’re way too into Tomio!!”

“…So annoying. …Ah.”

“Oh?”

The little Apollo Rainbow, whose head we’d been petting, suddenly perked up her big horse ears and woke up. She abandoned the TV and took off somewhere, shouting, “Mama, Papa, wait!” He slowly lowered his hand, reluctant to let go, then stood up with a wistful expression.

“Seeing kids that age really makes you think, huh.”

“…Makes you want to go back to childhood?”

“Nah. That’s a separate thing.”

“Don’t you ever want to redo mistakes or regrets from when you were a kid?”

“Heh. Successes and failures—they’re all good memories.”

“……”

With that, he vanished, melting back into my heart.

I hadn’t found the ultimate solution to the core of the dream, but I’d managed to sort through where I stood now. I have a reliable trainer, friends I can count on. I’m blessed with kind seniors and acquaintances. If I just keep running with everything I’ve got, maybe one day I’ll understand it all.

I gently closed my eyes, slowly surfacing into reality—

---

"...Apollo. Apollo."

A gentle voice called my name, and I lifted my head. The warmth and faint scent that enveloped my body completely could only belong to Kaif Tara-san.

I tried to bury my face into her chest again, wanting to stay asleep a little longer, but the rustling sounds of the forest, like gentle ripples, brought me back to reality.

What happened after that? I feel like I was dreaming about something important. Wrapped in Kaif Tara-san’s inner world, I had delved deep into the core of my own heart—

Did I actually fall asleep in Kaif Tara-san’s arms? The moment that thought crossed my mind, a wave of intense embarrassment surged through me.

"Where... are we?"

"The Forest of Chantilly."

"I don’t even have to ask… I totally fell asleep, didn’t I?"

"You did."

"I-I’m so sorry, Kaif Tara-san..."

"Don’t worry about it."

As I lowered my gaze, trying to endure the shame, Kaif Tara-san gently wiped away the tears that had gathered at the corners of my eyes. “Tears don’t suit you. You’re more of a sweat-and-drool kind of girl,” she said—whether it was meant as praise or an insult, I couldn’t tell—as she stood up from the turf where she had been sitting.

"You must’ve been really worn down."

"It’s kind of embarrassing..."

"...No. Not long ago, I thought all the carefree types—everyone but me—never really had anything to worry about. But I was wrong. Turns out, everyone’s carrying burdens, big or small."

"......"

"And you, I think, have a particularly big one. One you probably couldn’t tell anyone about."

When she pulled me to my feet, I found myself face-to-face with her golden eyes. It seemed she had stayed by my side past the dorm curfew until I woke up. Still held in that same pose, I flicked on my device screen, and the dim light revealed the numbers: 23:41.

My eyes nearly popped out of my head. That was an incredible curfew violation. I tapped on my message app, which was filled with notifications, and immediately saw panicked messages from

El-chan and Angely-chan: “Scary! Alfrance-san is furious!!” and “Apollo-chan, do you know where Kaif Tara-san went!???” They were in total panic.

I glanced at Kaif Tara-san, who’d been peeking at my messages, and our eyes met. We both burst into laughter, and our voices echoed through the forest in the dark of night.

As long as Kaif Tara-san was with me, I felt like I could endure any scolding, no matter how harsh.

"Apollo. You looked so much more at ease while you were asleep."

"It’s all thanks to you, Kaif Tara-san."

"...That makes me honestly happy. But are you sure you're okay for the Yorkshire Cup? If it's too much—"

"No, I’m fine. I am a Uma Musume, after all… I’ll run through it and solve everything!"

"...I see. Then win the Yorkshire Cup on your own strength. And the next time we race, I’ll show you—personally—what Europe is really made of. The pride and will of European stayers isn’t dead yet… and you’ll learn that firsthand."

—Kaif Tara-san was trying to look cool when she said that, but afterward, she got a full-on scolding from Alfrance-san and ended up on the verge of tears.

“What were you thinking, entering the forest in the middle of the night~?” “And breaking curfew by that much… Mind if I hear your excuse~?” she was grilled, and her usually dignified face turned into a dejected teary mess. It caught me off guard—she actually has a cute side too.

Of course, I ended up bawling too. The forest at night is dangerous, so I guess we deserved the earful we got.