Chapter 12: Only a Madman Pours Water Into Boiling Oil

A rare midday gathering for the Rentarou Family—usually we only meet after school, but today, we’re all eating lunch together.

A crisis struck: Kusuri-senpai forgot her lunch. So Rentarou, the saint, offered his own. Now a full-blown food exchange is happening right in front of me.

What they don’t realize? I’m the one who made that bento half the time. Sure, Rentarou mentioned it when listing "101+α Things I Love About Seibetsu," but who knows if they actually heard him.

Today’s no different. Perfectly balanced for Rentarou’s tastes (and his terrible eating habits). My portion? Literally just my favorite stuff. Whatever—he’ll survive.

Actually, lately—since I became a girl—there’s a theory Rentarou’s been adjusting his flavors to match mine. Not that it matters. We already like the same things.

"Trade for my tamagoyaki!"

"My karaage!"

"[Onigiri.]"

"Supplements."

"Shark fin soup."

Hah. Typical chaos. Wait—Nano. Those supplements will wreck the nutritional balance! And Hahari-san—that’s not even a bento item?! (Though shark fin soup… Maybe for a special dinner. Not lunch.)

"Supplements alone’ll skew your diet, Nano. Want some of this? Leftovers from when I cooked with Rentarou—"

"…! Efficient use of leftovers. I accept."

"M-me too!"

"I’ll take some as well!"

"[This… one humbly requests.]"

Whoa, whoa. You think I just—actually, yeah, I do have enough.

"Here’s Hahari’s, hakari’s, Shizuka’s—"

"H-how many portions did you BRING?!"

"Enough for the whole Family. Bought extra ingredients so Rentarou could eat his fill… and, well."

"If combined, this would equal one full bento."

"……Oh."

Damn it. If I’d realized sooner, I could’ve been sharing my lunch with Rentarou right now—!

Lunch break. I was so unsatisfied that I decided to borrow the cooking room after school to make some snacks for the whole family, but apparently someone had already reserved it. And that someone was... Rentarou?! What on earth was he trying to make?

When I went to the cooking room, there was Rentarou trying to coat what appeared to be a hamburg steak with batter after washing it in water.

"Hey idiot, stop that! If you do that—"

"Kawaru?! Why are you— AHHHHHHHH!!!!"

SIZZZZZLE!!

"Moron! What did you think would happen if you did something that stupid?!"

Because he'd thrown a water-washed hamburg steak into hot oil, the situation was disastrous. The splashing oil gave him burns, and it could've been way worse. I quickly ran his burns under water and patched him up with the band-aids I always carry.

"Listen up, Rentarou! You NEVER put anything wet directly into frying oil! What do you think kitchen paper is for?!"

"And you know how squid tentacles make oil splatter like crazy? That's because the moisture between the skin and flesh heats up! So don't you dare pull that stupid stunt again...? It's not just about the mess—it's dangerous as hell!"

"O-okay..."

Unbelievable. How reckless can you get? Not that I'm one to talk, but this was practically suicidal. If his reflex to the oil splashing had made him knock over the whole pot of oil, what then? The cook would've ended up deep-fried himself. No thanks—I don't want any "Crispy Rentarou" on the menu.

"...Well, I get what you're trying to do now. Might as well help out a bit?"

"Thanks! But this time I want to make it all by myself... for that girl."

"...Fine. But! At least let me handle the sauce? Whether you use it or not is up to you."

"If it's just that... then please!"

"Leave it to me... and done!"

And so began the special sauce-making session. As for the snacks, I'll skip those details—just some quick fried bread. Gotta love fried bread. This time I'm frying small pieces for snacks. Just dunk the cafeteria bread in oil, coat it with sugar, and done. Kinako powder would make it even better—the classic fried bread everyone knows. Though normally no one brings kinako to school cooking sessions...

...Well, except me of course! Obviously. I planned to make fried bread today. Nobody carries around rare stuff like kinako without a purpose. So I coat the pieces with kinako and sugar, wrap them in plastic, and they're ready to transport.

...But that's not the point right now. Sauce time. Feels like a cooking show today, might as well narrate the process.

From what I gathered, he's trying to recreate the school's minced cutlet. The leftover sauce from cutlet sandwiches would work, but why not enhance it to make everything taste even better?

The secret ingredient I brought is my special homemade sauce. Not needed for today's snacks, but it's versatile enough to be handy. I prefer adding sauce to lunchbox cutlets right before eating rather than pre-soaking them.

I simmer my special sauce with various ingredients from the cooking room—cooking sake, ketchup, sugar, and soy sauce. Medium heat until it thickens nicely, then mix in a bit of yakisoba bread sauce, and done! Pretty good for such short notice!

The final product is a sweet base sauce deepened with yakisoba sauce's richness. I place it next to Rentarou's minced cutlet sandwich, clean up, and prepare to leave.

...Even though I made the sauce. The fact remains—this guy who usually only helps with cooking pushed through the pain to single-handedly make this sandwich in such limited time. So... yeah. I'd just be intruding now—best to make myself scarce. But this vibe... let me make a prediction. He's probably gonna get another girlfriend!

"Eh...? A minced cutlet sandwich?! And this sauce next to it...?"

"Here, try it! Try a bite first, then dip it in the sauce!"

"B-but... I don’t remember ever asking you to do this for me..."

"Ah, got it, got it! Then let me help you with half! Just like yesterday!"

"Mmh... Mmmhh~!! ❤︎"

"You made this minced cutlet sandwich... and this sauce?"

"Ah, that was my best friend—he happened to be in the cooking room for something and made it for us... Wanna try it?"

"Yeah... Th-this is so good too~!! ❤︎"

"Why... why are you being so nice to me...? Someone like... someone you don’t even know... some rude, worthless girl like me... And even your best friend... he only knew about me from what you told him..."

"No... That’s not true. You do have good points. The way you cherish food, the way you eat with such genuine enjoyment... I find that really charming. And my best friend felt the same way—even though he only heard about you from me. That’s why he helped out... Well, I was being stubborn, so he only made the sauce, but still... That just proves how much he was drawn to seeing you enjoy your food."

"Hah...?! I-I’m just... eating normally...!"

"And that’s exactly what makes it so appealing."

"...S-so... Hic... W-will you... keep eating meals with me from now on...? L-like... y’know... as m-my... b-boyfriend... or something...?"

"Thank you...! I was hoping you’d say that...!"

Man... What a heartwarming scene...! Would’ve been even better if I hadn’t been here to overhear it. Yep, that’s right—I’m still here. Even if it was quick, cooking takes energy. And after rushing to finish everything and clean up, I was completely drained.

Yup. I’m still in the cooking room. Heard the whole confession...! A-awkward...! But that’s Rentarou for you... I love how cool he can be when it counts...! But now I can’t even leave on my own... Help me out here, Rentarou...!

"Yeah... Kawaru's fried bread really is delicious as always!"

"I am a little worried about the calories... but still...!"

"The temptation is just too strong to resist!"

Man, this feels great...! Seeing someone enjoy my cooking like this makes it all worth it. For me, cooking takes almost all my energy, so its value probably weighs heavier on me than most. Oh, by the way, Rentarou did end up helping me out afterward. Thank goodness that girl didn't notice...!

But I'm still just at an amateur level... One day, I wanna be able to make truly amazing dishes. Stuff that's good for your health—meals that make managing your well-being easier just by eating them. Like food that aids digestion... Wait. Kusuri-senpai. If I could incorporate toned-down versions of her medicines into cooking, it might work. I should try that next time. As long as I use weaker formulas to minimize side effects, it should be fine... probably.

"Kusuri-senpai! There's this kind of medicine I was hoping you could make..."

"Hmm hmm... How intriguing!"

—The next day.

"And so, under these circumstances... would it be alright for me to welcome Kurumi Haraga as my new girlfriend...?!"

Just as I predicted. Well, I was there for the confession, so...? Seeing how happily she devoured that minced cutlet sandwich, it was obvious they'd hit it off... but—

"Let me make one thing clear... I have zero interest in getting chummy with anyone besides Rentarou-senpai."

"Indeed, needless interactions between fellow girlfriends would be inefficient."

"Needless?! What's that supposed to mean?!"

"After all the time we've spent together...!"

"I thought we were friends! How cruel!"

Whoa, bombshell dropped. Not that there isn't a reason behind it. Why? Just a hunch. Lately, I've started sensing that everyone's growing closer, and unless someone says something completely out of left field, there's usually some hidden meaning. Still catches me off guard sometimes, though. Nano of all people saying that...

Wait... Is she putting on a tsun act to match Kurumi-chan? Considering the total lack of dere, it probably isn't related to Karane, but...!

"I spend time with all of you not out of obligation, but because I genuinely like you."

N-Nanooo...! So that's what she meant earlier...! Sorry... I knew there was more to it, but... I never expected that...!

"I like Nano-san too..."

"W-well, me too...!"

"Kusuri too..."

"Mama too..."

"[Me too...]"

"I-I do too..."

"What is this...?"

"What's wrong with these people...?"

As everyone huddled in and squeezed Nano (I kept just a little distance—still not brave enough to dive in headfirst), I caught Kurumi-chan staring at us like we were insane.

"This might be harder than I thought. But damn... Normally, this is how things go, and if there's a trigger... Oh, right. Sorry, Rentarou—I know you've got your own plan, but mind if I try my idea first? ...Alright, got your permission."

"Then, as a token of friendship—here, try this."

While everyone was still clinging to Nano, I slipped away and approached Kurumi-chan, pulling out a bread roll from my bag. Though, wow, they’re really glued to her. Can they even see or hear what’s happening over here? ...Eh, whatever. What I handed Kurumi-chan was my special sauce cutlet bread. Taste-wise... well? I’d say it’s on par with—or maybe slightly better than—school cafeteria level. I did go all out, after all.

Normally, making just one lunchbox would wipe me out, but this time, a single sauce cutlet bread took everything I had. That’s how much effort I poured into this thing. (And yes, Rentarou had to carry me to school afterward. Piggyback rides rule!)

"Sauce cutlet bread?! But... that doesn’t mean I’ll just—hic—become friends with you...!"

"I see... Then forget ‘friendship’—just eat it because it’d be a waste not to. Okay? C’mon."

"...Fine."

"...Mmh... Mmmhh~!! ❤︎"

Man, she really enjoys eating, huh? Makes the effort worth it. If you just looked at the scene, it’d seem like a classic "instant fall" two-panel gag, but when someone’s savoring your food this much, you stop caring. Honestly, I just want her to keep eating.

...Hah! Is this what motherly instinct feels like?! No, no—I can’t lose control like Hahari-san! Besides, I can’t cook huge quantities, and given this girl’s appetite, she’s probably still far from full. Even from what Rentarou told me, it’s obvious she’s always starving.

"Wait... This taste feels familiar...?"

"Yep! Remember that minced cutlet sandwich Rentarou made for you before? I was the one who made the sauce for it! Used my special recipe this time too—pretty proud of how it turned out."

"...That was you? But Rentarou-senpai called you his best friend..."

"Accurate! I’m his best friend and his girlfriend!"

"What is wrong with you people..."

...Hmm. Not working, huh? Yeah, I’ll admit it’s a little weird. Not impossible, but definitely unusual.

"Hey, everyone... Did you know about this?"

With my options exhausted, General Rentarou took the field. His words finally snapped the group out of their Nano-hugging trance. On his phone screen, the words "Food Fight Festival" gleamed.

"It’s team-based, up to 11 people! Though ‘male’ or ‘adult’ participants count as two, so it’s perfect for all of us!"

...Wait. Something feels off. I do remember hearing about this festival, but wasn’t the team limit 10 people? It’s been like a year since I checked, but would they really change the rules...? ...Hm? Rentarou, why are you making eye contact with Hahari-san? And winking?

...Oi, hold up. No way. No way. Did Rentarou and Hahari-san... change the festival rules?! You’re kidding! That event’s supposed to be steeped in tradition!

Sure, the original rule would’ve kept us from participating as a full group. But to bend the regulations just for that...?!

...That’s... That’s just... TOO COOL!!