Chapter 3: Troubles before the Holy War, and ...

"...Nah… s’no big deal…"

"Mnn…? Nnngh…"

"...Seibetsu!"

"Mmm… Aah… Mornin’ already…? Mornin’… Rentarou…"

Ugh… I’m exhausted. Lately, I’ve been spending most of my days off sleeping, so waking up early is brutal when you’re not used to it…

Rubbing my bleary eyes, I tried changing clothes—only for Rentarou to grab both my arms. C’mon, man… What’s the big deal? It’s just changing. Not like I can overpower you anyway, so I’ll play along, but still…

"Seibetsu, no! You’re a girl now…!"

"Ughhh… relax, would ya? S’just us here… barely even look different anyway…"

Aah… Man, I’m so out of it. Wait, why’s Rentarou even here?

Pretty sure this is my place… Did we have plans or somethin’…?

…Oh. Right. Plans. Actually, it’s all coming back now. As my head clears, so do my thoughts. Yeah—today’s the day the whole Rentarou Harem's going out together! Destination: Ranbuen Flower Park. Fancy-ass name, huh? For me, it’s my first date with the whole Harem.

"Crap, my head’s all fuzzy! What time is it, Rentarou?!"

"Nah, don’t worry, I woke you up with plenty of time to spa—"

He glances at the wall clock as he answers. Huh? Wait a sec… somethin’s off. The hands are just… ticking in place or somethin’…

"……Oh no. My bad, Rentarou… That thing’s busted…!"

"No way?! It was fine when I checked earlier… Plus, when the alarm went off, I saw your phone and—"

Aah… So he checked my phone too?! What kinda luck is this? These things always pile up, I swear…! D*mn it all (and no, that ain’t a typo).

"Well… ‘bout that. My phone’s kinda broken too. I mean, it works, but the time display and alarms glitch sometimes? Got paranoid, so I asked you to stay over and wake me… Haha…"

"Wait, so the actual time is—CRAP, we gotta leave in five minutes or we’re screwed! We gotta hurry—WHOA?!"

Rentarou checks his phone, then spins toward me—and immediately yelps when he sees me. What? I ain’t doin’ anything weird. Just changin’ outta my pajamas. So my shirt’s off and my pants are halfway down, underwear visible. Brrr. Gotta change fast…

"We’re in a hurry, so I gotta strip and change quick, right? Plus, you know I don’t wear shirts under my PJs… You’ve stayed over enough times…"

"But! Seibetsu’s a girl now—"

"How many times I gotta say it? ‘Cept for the chest, I look the same. Hell, back when I was a guy, we hit the pool and hot springs together. Why’s it a big deal now?"

"It is a big deal!"

Rentarou turns away, face beet red, hands clamped over his eyes. Pfft… Man, this is gold. More teasing material for later… Alright.

"Aight, gonna change real quick—"

I make exaggerated rustling noises as I strip. Not like pajamas make much sound, though.

"Hwah?! The fabric sounds…! I’m barely keeping my eyes shut—can’t even cover my ears…!"

"Seriously… This is way too late to get shy. I barely look different, so just imagine me like before. We even took baths together at your place not long ago—remember?"

"That was as guys! But now you’re my—STOP making me picture you naked! I’m tryin’ so hard not to think about it…!"

Oh, this is good. Get flustered, Rentarou. C’mon, let’s turn up the sound effects—swish swish. Huh… Guess makin’ noise while dressin’ is harder than I thought when you’re not payin’ attention. Learn somethin’ new every day.

"Ah—WHOA?!"

…Oh crap. Got too into the sound effects and now my pajama top’s stuck. Bad news—my vision’s completely blocked by fabric.

"Y-You okay, Seibetsu?!"

"Stuck! Can’t get it on! Help me out, Rentarou!"

"I’ll hel—WHOA?!"

Rentarou yelps, followed by frantic stumbling sounds. Did he trip backward? …Oh. Right. I’m mid-shirt-change. So my front’s fully exposed right now. That’d do it.

"Mgh… Your ch-chest… I can see…!"

"C’mon, man… I’m helpless here…"

"But I can’t look! It’s indecent toward my girlfriend…!"

Teasing him is fun, but time’s running out. Gotta move fast… Oh, got it. I’ll just walk toward his voice and shove my stomach where his hands probably are. Bingo.

"HYAH?! What’re you—?!"

"If you’re not gonna look, then this is the only way, right? C’mon, just feel your way up my body ‘til you hit the shirt… Perfect plan! And we’re outta time, so hurry!"

"That’s even worse! But… if it’s just my back, maybe I can survive…! Vanish, impure thoughts, vanish, impure thoughts, VANISH—okay!"

"I said hurry! Faster… Nngh…!"

"Alright, good… this texture’s gotta be the back… slowly moving up… up…!"

Seems Rentarou’s successfully suppressed his urges. Smooth, steady hands—this might work! Go, Rentarou! Do it!

"Mmph… Hwah?! S-Stop, that tickles…!"

I take it back. This is way too ticklish. The rough scrape of Rentarou’s calloused hands against soft skin. With my vision blocked, every sensation’s amplified tenfold…!

"…Huh? This ain’t the spine… somethin’ slightly raised… bug bite?"

"…Nngh?! Ah…! I said hurry! It’s ticklish, dammit!"

Whoa, whoa, Rentarou…! You’re gettin’ real bold there. But callin’ it out now’d be bad—if we stop, we’re screwed. Guess I’ll just tough it out…

"Done, Seibetsu! Now change fast!"

"Yeah!"

---

"Phew... Finally got changed, huh?"

"Finally done...! Felt like I waited an hour...!"

"Not just the clock - your sense of time's glitching too! That barely took two minutes!"

After somehow getting dressed and ready, we headed out. Man, good thing we made it. Only thanks to Rentarou we left early enough to walk there on time.

"Speaking of which, Seibetsu - you had heat rash on your back. Should treat it with some ointment..."

"Huh? Nah, that wasn't heat rash."

"It wasn't? Then what was that on your back..."

"Just part of my body. Actually, seems you got it wrong - you weren't touching my back. That was my front side."

"!?!?!?!?"

"Meaning those 'protrusions' were..."

"S-S-SORRY SEIBETSU! Didn't mean to! I can't believe I touched my girlfriend's... before marriage even! This demands seppuku...!"

"Whoa whoa hold up Rentarou! No harm done! Hell, I don't mind you touching me there anyway... You'll take responsibility, right? So it's fiiine!"

After desperately stopping Rentarou from drawing the dagger he'd somehow produced, we arrived at Flower Park while I made excuses. Close call... Almost got bloodstains on our fairytale garden path...!

---

After waiting a bit, the rest of the Rentarou Family gradually gathered. Rentarou, being the leader, went to handle the ticket payments. Gotta love how quick he is to take charge in these situations… sigh… love that guy.

"…And that’s what happened this morning. Man… that was close, huh?!"

While Rentarou was off paying, I casually recounted the morning’s events to everyone—only to get way more of a reaction than I expected.

"I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHERE TO START WITH THIS!!!!"

"Rentarou-kun in pajamas…?!"

"S-So shameless…!"

"[This is so far beyond us, we can’t even see the peak of the hurdle.]"

"Statistically, staying over is the most efficient way to close the distance."

This big a deal? Sure, the changing incident was kinda… yeah, but before that, wasn’t it normal? We’ve been friends for years—like, nine years? This kinda thing happens between close friends, right…?

"This is dangerous levels, Karane-san…!"

"Seriously… He acts all indifferent but he’s way ahead of us!"

"[The aura of a late-joiner who’s already broken the game… Truly another dimension.]"

"I never thought Kusuri’s drug would create such a formidable rival…!"

"Even if we optimized our approach now, the gap is insurmountable."

"Well? Nine years of friendship means something!"

…Kinda makes me happy, honestly. That I’m closer to Rentarou than the rest… Can’t help but grin a little.

"Hey, everyone! Got the tickets!"

Rentarou returned mid-chaos—only for Hanazono to immediately swoop in, latching onto his arm with unnatural determination. Trying to stake her claim, huh?

"Wha—H-Hakari?!"

"What’s wrong, Rentarou-kun…?"

She pressed her ample curves against him as she dragged him forward. Yep, this one’s predatory…!

"I-I don’t wanna hold your arm or anything, got it?!"

"You’re the one who grabbed him?!"

"Words and actions mismatched…"

"Kusuri, you’re also holding Rentarou’s arm."

"[Everyone has already inserted arm into arm.]"

"…Should I be the one pointing this out?"

The end result? A human circle with Rentarou at the center, everyone clinging to him like some kind of ritual. You planning to tour the park like this, guys?!

"Hm? Seibetsu, not joining?"

"Nah… I get to do this all the time anyway."

"[Is this the confidence of a veteran…?]"

"Wait… Are you saying you’re so deeply connected in spirit that physical contact isn’t necessary?!"

"STOP READING INTO IT! IT’S NOT THAT DEEP!"

After… all that, we strolled through the gardens, enjoying the flowers.

"Hah… hah…! Dammit…! My legs… can’t…!"

"You have less stamina than even Shizuka? Seriously?!"

"[He is the weakest of the Four Heavenly Kings…!]"

…Yeah. We had fun. Total fun.

---

"Bouquet toss?"

"It's this park's signature monthly event! The person who catches the bouquet gets to wear a special wedding dress decorated with park flowers and take commemorative photos with their lover!"

"What kind of event is this that looks like it'll start a bloodbath..."

"[A battle in ceremonial attire... A holy war, if you will!]"

"I don't think it's that extreme..."

The bouquet toss venue was packed with people, with one particularly noticeable group. Ahem - just to be clear, our Rentarou Family doesn't count as standing out, okay?

The most eye-catching group was the Gorira Union, a biker gang. Apparently they were after the bouquet too. With their huge flags waving and what looked like cheerleaders shouting, plus all their muscular members, they seemed like formidable opponents...!

Following Hanazono's suggestion, we decided to temporarily cooperate to get the bouquet. Since it would be dangerous to get caught up in it, Seibetsu and Yoshimoto stayed back to cheer while Kusuri switched back to adult mode to participate.

Come to think of it, this was where the name "Rentarou Family" was officially decided... I'd been using it in my head for so long because it was catchy that I'd forgotten that detail. My memories of the original story are fading too... Actually, how much had I even read? Well, if I can't remember, it's fine.

Finally, the bouquet toss began. Right after it was thrown, the Gorira Union started interfering under the guise of "training." That's not fair! That's cheating! But then Inda-san stepped in and challenged them head-on. Amazing... what incredible power! I should really try not to make Inda-san angry. Compared to that brute strength, I'm like an ant...!

As I kept cheering, Yoshimoto got caught in the wind pressure created by the Gorira Union and was sent flying into the air. Not good! I tried to chase after her to help by spreading out a towel the same way, only to get blown skyward myself.

---

The bouquet, caught in the wind generated by the Gorira Union, was about to fall into their hands when suddenly - a figure appeared beside it.

"Look up there!"

"Is it a bird?"

"A plane?"

"No...it's Shizuka-chan!!!"

Her name is Yoshimoto Shizuka. Using her light frame to her advantage, she maneuvered her towel like a glider and miraculously caught the bouquet.

But in releasing her grip on the towel, she lost her lift and began plummeting toward the ground... until, at the last moment! She was safely caught by three natural airbags - specifically, the back of one Aijou Rentarou - thus securing the bouquet in spectacular fashion.

The four cheered for their teammate's safety. Inda Karane exchanged gestures of friendship with the Gorira Union leader. Everything had been neatly resolved.

...Everything, that is, except for me still floating in midair.

"The wind's getting stronger and I'm just staying up here... actually I think I'm rising higher? Oh crap my arm strength is at its limit-!"

※What followed was Rentarou's back being sacrificed yet again

---

"Thank you for saving me..."

I bowed my head in apology while wearing a cardboard sign around my neck that read "I'm just useless dead weight" (crafted by Seibetsu Kawa).

As I bowed to Rentarou (whose back was visibly worn down), my handmade sign was mercilessly torn apart. Ah... and I was kinda proud of that one.

"Whether you were directly useful or not doesn't matter! Stop putting yourself down like that!"

"[My own triumph was merely a product of chance]"

"But..."

"You tried to save Shizuka-chan, didn't you? That's why you were up there! You probably saw her get blown away and tried to follow... right?"

"Uh..."

"[The desire to help is what truly matters]"

"Besides, your cheers definitely reached Kusuri and the others!"

"Everyone played their part to achieve this best outcome."

"It's not like... you didn't do anything at all..."

"This bouquet was caught by the entire Rentarou Family!"

.........Damn it. I can't argue with that. I did cheer them on. But I couldn't help directly... though it's true I didn't do nothing either... grrr.

"Tch... I give up...!"

"This wasn't a competition to begin with."

But I can't just leave it at this. Somehow... somehow I need to make myself useful! Emotionally! I can't be satisfied with this...! ...But nothing comes to mind. Well, I'll just have to repay the debt someday.

"Now then, let's decide who will take commemorative photos with Rentarou-kun..."

"Hold on a sec? I'd like to sit this one out... if that's okay?"

The entire group instantly turned to stare at me.

"Sei...Seibetsu... you don't want to take photos with me...?!"

Rentarou looked utterly dejected. No no, that's not it at all.

"What now! Are you skipping because you feel guilty about earlier? That's exactly the kind of thing we just said you shouldn't-"

"No no it's just that... this time I want to watch from the friend perspective, you know...!"

...Right. That's it. While wearing the dress as part of the girlfriend group wouldn't be bad, I find the friend perspective hard to give up too.

"What a troublesome personality you have..."

"If that's what Seibetsu wants, I won't stop you... but are you really okay with this? You're not just holding back, are you...?"

"Nah. You're definitely gonna make me wear one someday, right? A wedding dress. So I figured it could wait a little longer..."

"「「「「「KYUN...!」」」」」"

"Wha—?!"

"Guh...!"

"The fact you can say that with a straight face is incredible..."

"[To not doubt the future in the slightest—truly admirable.]"

"Efficient... to say it without a hint of embarrassment."

"Sei... Se-Seibetsu?! I mean, yeah, I'll take responsibility even if it costs me my life, but... that's embarrassing, you know...?!"

"Rentarou...!"

"KYUN...!"

Ugh. I didn't expect that counterattack. Even if I knew it was coming, hearing it directly still hits different. Well, I landed a critical hit too... Guess we'll call it even.

In the end, we drew lots without me, and Hanazono won. After some... developments, it was decided that while she'd be the one wearing the wedding dress, everyone would take the photo together. What even is this? Well... I guess it's just the kind of ending you'd expect from the Rentarou Family.

Of course, I made sure to save Rentarou in his groom outfit to my mental folder. What a sight. Even as a friend, I'm proud... I almost cried. Actually, I did cry.

---

.........Hanazono never came back from the changing room.

Apparently, she'd already left... but that's weird. She's not the type to just disappear without a word. And Rentarou was acting strange too—like he had some idea of what was going on.

On the way back, Rentarou said he had something to do and headed off in a different direction. Just as I thought. After tailing him (with about ten breaks in between), he arrived at a mansion. No way... is this Hanazono's house?!

I carefully approached from a distance, making sure not to get caught. From afar, I could see Rentarou... on the phone? The direction he was facing—was that Hanazono?! Why is he talking to her over the phone? Something's up...

Then Rentarou got grabbed by security! What the—?! After saying something... he just slumped his shoulders and walked away...

...This isn't good. I kinda get it, but not enough. I can't leave it like this. I have to hear what's going on.

Just as I was about to head toward Rentarou, I failed to notice the deadly claws approaching from behind—!

"MRRREOW!"

"Wha—WHAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!"