Chapter 23: To You Who Still Can’t Say “I Love You”

In the end, Rinaria and Yous’ engagement announcement was a resounding success.

The grand speech, theatrical in its delivery, and—above all—the decisive word of the Duke of Austroheim made it effortless to steer the audience toward celebration. As the banquet reached its peak, some nobles began to depart due to prior engagements, and the attention on Bronze Star gradually waned.

Seizing the opportunity, the party members enjoyed their meals in a corner of the venue—all except their leader, Golem Randolph, who walked alone.

His destination was a hallway slightly removed from the main event.

And there, as if by fate, the host of this party—Drestred Austroheim—passed by.

"Well, well~! There you are, Dresty-poo!"

"...You. Still as insufferable as ever, Golem."

Their long-standing acquaintance needed no explanation.

But the way Golem happily threw himself at Drestred, and the latter’s immediate evasion, spoke volumes about their relationship.

"You must be exhausted, Dresty. Today was quite the ordeal, wasn’t it?"

"...A complete defeat. To think Yousrid would become an S-rank adventurer without ever leveraging his status."

Drestred spat out the words.

When it came to Yous and Rinaria’s relationship, Drestred had miscalculated in two ways.

First, Rinaria had never revealed her true nature.

And second—Yous had been hiding his.

The former was something Drestred couldn’t comprehend. After all, he himself had suffered due to his own skewed sense of financial responsibility.

But the latter…

"...You played me well, Golem."

"Oh my~! I merely sided with those who wished to be happy."

"Wished to be happy, huh?"

The reason Drestred had failed to uncover Yous’ hidden identity was largely due to Golem’s interference. He had positioned himself between Yous’ group and Drestred, mediating their interactions.

And then—

"...I truly am a wretched man."

"Yes, you are."

Without hesitation, Golem agreed with Drestred’s self-deprecating mutter.

"A little sympathy would’ve been nice."

"Oh? And where, pray tell, would you find any? Do you have any idea how much suffering your actions caused Yous and Rinaria?"

That wasn’t hardship fit for children, Golem implied.

Could you even call them children? Drestred nearly retorted—but held back.

At this point, both Yous and Rinaria were adults who knew better.

"You’re the worst. And those two truly fought hard. The only thing you did worth praising was letting them kiss in the end."

"...I see."

Drestred said nothing more.

—He, too, had his reasons.

Burdened by countless responsibilities—none of which he was permitted to voice—he had cornered Rinaria and Yous.

In the end, he had been the one in the wrong. They had been right.

He had no intention of denying that.

But even so—

There was one thing.

One thing only Drestred could perceive.

"However... Rinaria never once said it, did she?"

"...Said what?"

Golem tilted his head, uncomprehending.

Seeing that, Drestred concluded that if even Golem hadn’t noticed, then the two must have appeared that perfect together in the eyes of others.

Those two undoubtedly loved each other.

They wouldn’t have proposed an engagement otherwise.

But—

"—Has Rinaria ever, even once, confessed her feelings to Yousrid?"

Rinaria had never told Yous she loved him.

"...What did you just say?"

"I thought as much."

Golem’s gaze sharpened.

That reaction alone confirmed it.

—Yes, without a doubt.

"Golem, the matter between Rinaria and Yousrid isn’t settled yet."

"............"

Drestred felt no particular emotion about it.

It was no longer his concern.

This had nothing to do with luck or noble status—it was Rinaria’s own personal struggle.

"Rinaria has an inherent problem. She can’t bring herself to confess her feelings to him."

—That’s right.

Rinaria had learned to act under the assumption that she loved Yous.

Crossing that line had made it possible for her to believe it.

But even so—

She could show it through her actions.

Yet she had never been able to say it out loud.

---

—To Escape the Ballroom’s Bustle, I Headed for a Certain Place.

Midway there—

"……Rinaria."

—I found Parareya sitting on a chair outside the mansion, resting while letting Sonariya sleep on his lap.

“Parareya-san? Something happen?”

“…Yes.”

He answered curtly and gestured toward Sonaria-san.

Looking closer, I saw that Sonaria-san’s cheeks were slightly flushed.

Ah, so she drank.

—Sonaria-san is a terrible drunk. The kind where, if she even accidentally gets a sip of alcohol, she flips like a switch.

She probably didn’t realize something she ate had liquor in it and ended up ingesting some.

Realizing it was bad, Parareya-san must’ve brought her out here and laid her down to rest.

“Rough night, huh.”

“…Indeed.”

In any case, I didn’t have business with Parareya-san, so I gave him a quick greeting and started to walk past him—

“—Yous already passed through.”

“…!”

Apparently, he knew exactly why I was here.

He must’ve guessed that, just like me, Yous had gotten tired of the noise and come this way to get some peace.

In other words, I’d hoped to catch him somewhere quiet to talk.

“Thanks, Parareya-san. I owe you one.”

Just as I was about to pass by him—

“…What is retribution, I wonder.”

“Hmm? What brought that on?”

Parareya-san let those words slip almost absentmindedly, and I turned to face him.

“What does retribution really mean?”

“Getting a bit philosophical out of nowhere, huh?”

“…I think of it as something that always comes back to you. For better or worse.”

I took in Parareya-san’s unusually verbose response.

Retribution… The word kind of has a negative ring to it.

Like, karma or ‘getting what you deserve.’

But the way he said it—he seemed to mean it as something that includes both good and bad outcomes.

“Not just the bad, but the good comes back too?”

“…Exactly.”

“Well, as long as you didn’t mean it in a depressing way. I’ll keep that in mind. Thanks.”

I waved as I said that, and Parareya-san returned the gesture.

Somehow, just hearing him say that made me feel a little happy.

I wonder why? Maybe part of me knows what he meant.

Anyway, I hurried to where Yous was.

Because there’s something—

—something I have to tell him.

---

It was a flower garden.

Unlike the wild blooms back at my family’s estate, this one had been carefully arranged and maintained as a proper garden.

Not that the flowers back home were completely untended—magic protections were in place there, too—but this one had clearly been designed down to the last detail, from the layout of the flowerbeds to the types of plants.

You couldn’t really call it “natural.” But still, it was—

An enchanting place, no question about that.

The Austroheim estate had a lot of places like this.

Apparently, the family has always had a fondness for gardening. And these days, Austroheim’s gardens are even renowned across the country.

One reason balls like this get held at our home is because so many nobles want the chance to see these gardens in person.

“—There you are, Yous.”

“Hey, Rina. …This place really is something else.”

So, how did the garden get this way?

That was thanks to my mother—Lady Elenasia Austroheim.

She had been so moved by the original garden here that she enhanced it further with magic, turning it into something with an extraordinary level of refinement.

My mother was a highly skilled wizard. To give you a better idea: she served as the attack wizard for the adventurer party Platinum. That should tell you how powerful she was.

Now, standing in her crowning achievement, Yous was gazing around in awe.

During the day, this place would be filled with nobles enjoying casual conversations.

But now, it was nearly empty.

Maybe the dim lighting gave the place an eerie feel, keeping them away.

But for adventurers like us, this kind of atmosphere was more like a reward after a long journey.

“Right now, it’s all ours. Pretty amazing, huh?”

“Haha… I just needed a break from all the dancing.”

“You can't dance for crap anyway. Well, I’m not exactly a fan myself—would rather be swinging a sword.”

“Then… oh, right. There was something I should ask you first.”

As we talked, Yous seemed to remember something and turned serious.

“What are you going to do now, Rina?”

“What do you mean?”

“…You’re Rinaria Austroheim. A duke’s daughter.”

Ah. I see.

“Well, yeah, that’s true. But Rina the adventurer and Rinaria Austroheim are two separate people. I’m still going to be an adventurer.”

“…And that’s okay?”

“It is. That’s how it’s been decided. So I’ll take that good luck and roll with it.”

—Yes. There are a lot of problems that would come up if people started treating adventurer Rina and Rinaria Austroheim as the same person.

That’s why, officially, we’re considered different people.

And honestly, the fact that no one’s figured it out yet proves it works. Even back when I was using the name Rinaria as an adventurer, no one caught on.

Rina never shows up in front of nobles, and Rinaria never shows up in front of adventurers.

“So, that said… we’re twenty now. Even if I keep at it, I’ll probably only be an adventurer for another ten years, tops.”

“After thirty, your body starts to wear down. If you’re S-rank, you should retire while you’re still at your peak.”

Especially since I’m a noble—eventually, I’ll have to live that life instead.

For example—

“…If we had a kid, that might be the time to step away.”

"...Wh-Why are you suddenly bringing this up?!"

"I mean, come on. A guy and a girl who've already crossed that line—not thinking about this stuff would be way weirder. Actually, after what happened the other day—"

"This is not the time to talk about that!"

...Yeah.

Well, even I start getting embarrassed the more I talk about it, so I’ll avoid going any further.

Lately, I’ve been blurting things out like that and self-destructing a lot more.

Gotta reflect on that. Seriously.

"—Anyway, I still want to see more of this world with you."

"Same here."

"...That’s why, listen to me, Rinaria."

—Yous’ tone had changed.

I could hear the wind gently brushing through the flowers.

And at that moment, I understood.

Yous was about to say that.

"Meeting you, being drawn to you... But the circumstances of our birth didn’t match."

I clenched my hands tightly against my chest.

Why? Was there something I needed to brace myself for?

—That Yous was drawn to me? That’s nothing new.

He doesn’t even need to say it—I've known that all along.

"But now that we’ve overcome that, I believe I’ve finally earned the right to say this."

—Wait.

Am I... shaking?

Why?

It wasn’t from emotion. Or excitement. I knew that right away.

My body wasn’t warm at all.

Not like back then, when I was swept up in the heat of the play and rushed at Yous.

And yet, my head felt like something was pounding away at it—clouding everything.

Why?

Yous just wants to tell me one thing, right?

That is, in other words...

"...I love you."

A confession.

An expression of affection.

A declaration that he wants me.

That he wants to walk forward with me.

Something I should have been prepared to hear.

"I—I..."

"Rina."

—What is this?

Why am I just...

Yous is reaching out his hand to me.

And all I can do is stare at it.

"Please, say something."

—Why can’t I do anything?

I’m not trying to run away.

It’s not like I hate him.

But I can’t answer him either.

Why?

If I love him, then I should just say so—right?

All I have to do is take his hand, the one I was holding over my heart...

And say I love him. That’s all.

—But I can’t.

"A—"

My hand won’t move.

I can’t reach out.

"...Rina?"

I ask myself what I really feel.

Do I want to be with Yous? Yes.

Do I want to respond to his words? Yes.

Do I want to take his hand? Yes.

—Do I love him?

There was no answer.

"Ah...!"

Ah, I see.

"Rina? What’s wrong?"

"Yous! I...!"

I—

"I don’t know... what I’m supposed to do...!"

—I don’t know how to respond to a man.

That’s the last issue still lingering between me and Yous.

My own gender identity.

—I’d spent all this time looking away from it.

Telling myself it was resolved. Sealing it away.

And at that moment, for the very first time...

I was forced to face it.