Chapter 40

To tell the truth, I never really cared much for traveling.

Just staying home and watching a movie together was more than enough for me. And if we did want to go out, somewhere nearby would do. I never understood the point of going out of our way to take an overnight trip. Home was comfortable—familiar. That’s how I saw it.

Lately, I’ve started to realize something else. Maybe the reason I’m so uninterested in travel… is because I don’t have a single good memory associated with it.

Not travel, exactly. A journey.

Back in the other world, when I was ordered to go somewhere far away, all alone.

In short—work. If I were to put it in modern terms, it was more like a business trip.

Spending entire days riding stiff, uncomfortable horses, constantly prepping for camp, scavenging for supplies—it was exhausting. Even when I did finally make it to a supply point, there was nothing worth calling “equipment.” If you had a blanket infested with fleas, you were one of the lucky ones.

By the end, even the horses gave out, and I was running the rest of the way on foot.

…Though, in truth, I’m faster than horses anyway. And once I didn’t have to care for them, traveling actually got easier.

Of course, I know the trip Shin planned this time isn’t anything like that.

But that’s not the point. It’s about the image in my head. All those bad memories I still carry have colored how I see “travel” now, like a negative filter I can’t turn off.

So… I wasn’t exactly excited about this trip.

Shin said he wanted to go with me, and I figured, well, if he really wants to, I’ll come along. That was about it. Even when we were picking the destination, I wasn’t particularly into it.

…But now that I’m here, seeing it for myself, I’m starting to think—maybe it’s not so bad.

"Thanks for waiting!"

“Whoa…”

The server set down our order in front of us, and the words slipped out of my mouth before I realized it. I’d never had anything like this before.

A glass bowl piled with shaved ice, drenched in matcha-green syrup, topped with ice cream, red bean paste, mochi balls—everything laid out beautifully.

To me, kakigōri was just shaved ice with colorful syrup poured over it. I didn’t even know it could look this extravagant.

I took a spoonful and tasted it.

A complicated flavor spread across my tongue—sweet, with just a hint of bitterness. It wasn’t that cheap flavor I remembered.

“…It’s good.”

“It really is,” Shin agreed from across the table.

I glanced up. Shin was carefully holding back the sleeve of his yukata as he brought another bite of kakigōri to his mouth.

…A yukata, huh?

It was strange, seeing Shin like this—unfamiliar, but somehow refreshing.

Right now, the two of us were wandering through a hot springs town in yukata. We’d just finished browsing the souvenir shops when we spotted this café and decided to try the local specialty kakigōri.

I was wearing a yukata too, along with a pair of geta.

I wasn’t used to either, so walking felt awkward and clumsy. But somehow, that only added to the sense that this was something different, something out of the ordinary. It made me feel kind of… excited.

“Ah, my head…”

“Pfft…”

Shin groaned and held his head. Probably because he’d been scarfing down the kakigōri too fast.

I wondered just how recklessly he’d been eating it. Eyes squeezed shut, hands off his spoon, fingers massaging his temples.

Shin had these moments, every now and then—like a little kid. Especially when food was involved. It reminded me of that time with the cookies.

Still with his eyes closed, Shin reached out blindly across the table. There was a glass of water just ahead of him.

He was probably aiming for that.

I reached out to hand it to him—

“Ah—”

Our hands bumped right before I touched the glass.

Startled, I pulled mine back.

“Yuu?”

Shin cracked one eye open and looked at me. For some reason, I felt embarrassed and looked away.

“N-no, it’s nothing.”

“Okay?”

This time, Shin finally got the glass and took a sip. For a brief second, just the movement of his hand caught my attention.

…

Come to think of it, there was this morning too.

Right before we left, Shin suddenly reached toward me, and I wondered what he was doing—turns out, he was just trying to carry my bag.

I really wished he wouldn’t do confusing things like that.

Because for a second there… I thought… he might be trying to hold my hand.

“…Tch.”

The thought made me feel weird, so I shook my head to chase it away.

I gripped my spoon and brought another bite of kakigōri to my mouth. This time with a bit of ice cream too, so the flavor was different again. The coldness helped cool my head.

…Lately, I’ve just been off.

Things that never bothered me before suddenly won’t leave me alone.

It started after we came back from Shin’s family’s place. That was already two weeks ago—and I still haven’t shaken it.

If anything, I feel like I’m getting worse by the day.

What is this?

…

When I looked up again, Shin was still attacking his kakigōri like nothing had happened. Just watching him made something unfamiliar stir deep in my chest.

…No. That’s not it. It can’t be.

I used to be a guy. That means there’s no way.

Someone like me—who used to be a man—could never become Shin’s girlfriend.

I pressed my hand to my chest and took a deep breath.

I needed to calm down.

…Besides, there’s no reason I’d ever fall for someone like Shin.

It’s not like he has that many good qualities. I know that.

If I had to name them, I guess… he’s kind. And he’s always smiling, which makes him easy to be around. He eats every meal like it’s the best thing he’s ever tasted. And when I ask him questions, he always answers them gently.

Other than that, well… he does thank me every day, over and over, like a broken record. And his parents are good people, I guess.

That’s all there is… right?

Wait—no, no. That’s it. I’m sure the rest of what I just thought was a misunderstanding.

Shin doesn’t have that many good points.

“…Tch.”

My face was starting to heat up again, so I copied Shin and shoveled a big bite of kakigōri into my mouth.

The cold felt amazing.

Then, right after—bam. That ice pick to the brain feeling hit.

…Oww.

With one hand on my temple, I used the sleeve of my yukata to wipe away the tears.