Chapter 44

Shin’s words echoed in my mind.

"Yuu, thank you."
"Having you here makes me so happy."

Those words he suddenly said after dinner—now, they pierce straight through my heart.

"......"

Come to think of it, he’s said something similar before.

It was near the end of May, when I made cookies. Back then, Shin also said he was happy. That he was happy because I was there.

What did I think back then?

...Right, I remember. I thought:
"Maybe, just maybe, I felt a little happy too—because Shin was always smiling so carefreely, and I got swept up in it."

...And now, hearing the same thing again, what do I think?

"...Ngh."

My chest burns unbearably. A warmth surges up from deep inside, one wave after another. Without thinking, I clutch at my chest.

"Having you here makes me so happy."

Shin’s voice keeps ringing in my head.

And every time it does, my body grows restless. Like I have to do something—like I can’t just sit here.

...Because, because—how could I—

"Having you here makes me so happy. ...I want to keep traveling together like this."

—Of course I feel the same way!

"...!"

These past four months… they’ve been so much fun.
Every day was happy. There was hardly any hardship—just warmth.

Waking up in the morning, cooking breakfast, watching him eat it with relish… that made me happy.
During the day, the house felt a little lonely by myself, but when I worked hard on chores, he thanked me.
In the evening, he’d come home, and we’d eat dinner together while chatting about nothing important.
At night, we’d relax—watching movies, reading side by side.

Those ordinary, uneventful days… they made me so happy. So truly, deeply happy.

"......"

I want this to last forever.
From now on, I want to do all sorts of things with Shin. I want to keep traveling with him.

Back in that other world, I used to dread the coming of morning. But now, I can’t wait for tomorrow to arrive.

"...Haaah."

My breath comes out hot, like I’m burning up. My chest feels tight—but not in a bad way.

...I have to go.

I can’t just sit here. There’s something I need to tell Shin—right now.

I lift my head and look toward the balcony, where Shin should be soaking in the hot spring.

...Reaching out, I grab the bag I’d prepared earlier. Standing up, I head for the balcony.

Somewhere in the back of my mind, the rational part of me whispers that I should stop. But the emotions welling up in my chest leave no room for resistance.

I stop in front of the balcony door, then reach for my clothes.

I slide the balcony door open and step inside. Pressing a hand against the flimsy bath towel to keep it in place, I walk toward the wooden tub in the center.

Fighting the urge to look down from embarrassment, I raise my head. Shin is in the bath, his back turned to me.

"Yuu? What’s wrong?"

His voice reaches me from behind. Steadying my trembling legs, I speak.

"...Yeah. I thought I’d join you in the bath."

The moment I say it, Shin freezes for a second, then turns toward me—only to immediately face away again.

...He saw me like this, even if just for a second.

The realization makes me want to collapse from embarrassment.

"...Um, I’m coming in."

But I can’t stop now. If I were going to stop, I wouldn’t have come here in the first place.

I pour warm water over myself with a bucket, then step into the bath. And then—I move closer to Shin.

"Shin."
"Y-Yuu?! Wait, what’s—?"

Even if he tells me to wait, I can’t. If I pause for even a step, I might not be able to move again.

"...There’s something I want to tell you, Shin."
"S-Something to tell me?"

I sit down right beside him, my back turned to his. Our backs touch.

"Shin, I feel the same way."
"W-What way?! H-Hey, Yuu, could you back up a little—?"

Shin sounds panicked, but I don’t have the luxury of caring. Just keeping my voice from shaking takes all my focus.

"...I’m happy too."
"Huh?"

I speak carefully, making sure each word reaches him.
I’ve felt this way for so, so long—that’s why I can’t afford to mess it up.

"I’ve... always been happy. Ever since I started living with you."
"...I see."

Putting it into words makes the warmth in my chest overflow even more.
It’s the same feeling that drove me into this bath in the first place.

"I’m happy too."

Shin, who had started to stand, settles back down. Now we sit with our backs to each other. His voice reaches me, close to my ear.

"Thank you."
"Yeah... thank you too."

Looking up, I see a beautiful night sky stretching above us. Countless stars shine—it’s so pretty, I can’t help but stare.

"...Haaah."

...I used to be a man.

I was born male, and until six years ago, I lived as one.
I thought I could never fall in love with a man. That the idea would repulse me.

That’s why I’ve denied it until now.
Falling for Shin? Impossible.
It’s wrong.

But...

The heat from Shin’s back against mine seeps into me.
A gentle, comforting warmth.

"...Heh."

...It’s so warm.
I’m so happy, my vision blurs.

...When I’m this happy, I can’t keep lying to myself.

"Hehehe..."

I’ll admit it.
That I used to be a man—none of that matters anymore.

...I love Shin.