Chapter 17: Hit Right on the Mark, So I Resolve Myself

"Hoshiko!"

As soon as Hoshiko returned home and retreated to her room, I stepped out of mine and barged into hers, immediately cornering her.

"L-Luna-nee… Judging by your face, it didn’t go well, huh?"

"It’s ’cause you had to go and say weird stuff, making me self-conscious!"

I ground my knuckles against her temple—not seriously, of course. Just a light, controlled punishment. Hoshiko seemed to understand, squinting her eyes playfully.

Talk of resolve and responsibility—what a load of crap. Haruto’s just trying to turn me back.

…There’s no way he sees me as a romantic interest.

"Sooo, Haruto-san doesn’t like you, nee-chan?"

Once I let her go, those words slipped out—words I couldn’t just ignore.

—Wrong.

I wanted to deny it outright, but that’d just be arrogance. The "like" Hoshiko meant and the "like" Haruto probably felt for me were different. The former was something beyond friendship, a step further into… whatever.

"Nee-chan, fight-o!"

Her careless cheer only irritated me. What the hell was I even supposed to fight for?

"Huh? Nee-chan, you don’t like Haruto-san?"

Apparently, I’d muttered it aloud. Hoshiko didn’t even bother hiding her curiosity as she prodded.

"…I do. But as a friend."

I tacked that on before turning away with a huff. Damn, this was annoying.

"Really?"
"Yeah! Got a problem with that?!"

What was up with Hoshiko today? She was weirdly persistent.

"Then… can I confess to Haruto-san?"

—My thoughts screeched to a halt.

.

.

.

"N-No, you can’t!"

Snapping out of my freeze, I grabbed Hoshiko’s shoulders and shook her violently.

"Ow—ow, nee-chan, my shoulders! J-Joking! I was joking!"

"…Good."

I must’ve used more force than intended. Not that I could bring myself to apologize.

With a defiant sniff, I let go—only for Hoshiko to smirk.

"Hey, hey, nee-chan. You panicked just now, didn’tcha?"

"Hah?! Of course I did! Haruto’s a no-go. That guy’s got zero life skills. You’d be miserable."

I mean, he lives in a dump.
Eats instant meals three times a day without batting an eye.
Lacks common sense.

So, no. The only kind of person who’d be happy with him is some extreme masochist. Hoshiko definitely isn’t that.

Even as I glared at her with all my might, Hoshiko’s grin didn’t waver. If anything—

"Suuure~. What if it was some other girl, then?"

—she teased, tossing out another scenario.

"……"

Haruto, with someone who wasn’t me.

…And the first person that came to mind was one specific girl.

I gritted my teeth hard enough for the grinding to echo in my skull.

"Nee-chan, you’re making a really scary face… Still gonna pretend?"

—Some thick, sludgy emotion must’ve spilled out, because Hoshiko’s voice was laced with concern, her eyes slightly wary.

"Yo-nii’s always been kinda slow, huh…? Like last Christmas—oops, I did it again. Sorry, nee-chan."

"Nah, it’s fine…"

Her slip-up eased the tension. Deciding to put some distance between us, I plopped onto her bed. Hoshiko, as if it were the most natural thing, sat right beside me.
…A proximity that’d have been unthinkable back when I was Youta.

Since that day, Hoshiko had started occasionally calling me by my old self again. Sometimes, she’d even bring up things from back then.

Mom and the others, too—their memories seemed jumbled, acting similarly. If that was thanks to Haruto’s efforts… honestly, I was grateful. I’d never deny it.

But once you’ve tasted this, there’s no going back to how it was.

Because those past six months? They were agonizingly lonely.

I’d even doubted whether Youta had ever really existed. Without Haruto, I might’ve given up early, my mind shattered beyond repair.

I could never thank him enough for that.

But his goal is to return me to my old self.

He’s working hard for that. I should be happy, so why does it feel so… tangled?

…The truth is, after six months, I’ve settled into life as a girl.

Even when I ate with Haruto, the outfit I chose was a dress—one that suited me perfectly. Like it was the obvious choice.

It took me half a year to finally accept becoming a girl, and now…

—What’s the point of going back now?

"Just returning to how things were" sounds simple.

But it’d be like tearing open a wound that’s barely healed.

Human consciousness isn’t some coin you can flip between sides.

It’s more like building a foundation, stacking layers of identity on top.

What Haruto’s trying to do—this so-called "returning to normal"—is less a fix and more a destruction.

Wouldn’t it just undo everything I’ve built over these six months?

And wouldn’t that just mean… suffering through the pain of changing genders all over again?

Maybe… that’s what I really feel—but I turn away from that thought, distracting myself with another excuse.

“…Sis, did Haruto say something to you?”

Hoshiko peers into my face.

I must’ve looked a little down without realizing it. That was probably what tipped her off.

“Nah, well… just something like, he doesn’t see me as a girl.”

I can’t exactly tell her everything, so I give her the short version.

But it hits Hoshiko harder than I expected.

“…That’s awful of him.”

Now she’s looking at Haruto like he’s some kind of villain.

“N-No, it’s not his fault. I told him I was his best friend.”

I rush to cover for him.

He’s just keeping his promise—to still see me as the Youta I used to be.

He’s only acting out of care for me.

But that only makes my chest ache even more.

Maybe it was how desperate I sounded, but Hoshiko seems to take it in a positive light. Her expression softens.

I’m relieved—she seems to understand. But then—

“I get it. You want Haruto to see you as a girl, don’t you?”

Ugh.

I flinch. She hit the mark, dead on.

I instinctively look down, trying to hide the heat rising to my cheeks.

“…You’re so cute!”

But of course, that just backfires with Seiko.

She lunges at me with a hug and knocks me back onto the bed.

She ends up on top of me.

Even though she’s the shorter one…

“Alright! Then let’s do our best so Haruto will notice you!”

“W-Wait! Don’t go doing anything weird!”

Something about the way Hoshiko’s getting fired up sets off alarm bells in my head, and I try to stop her—but she’s already lit up like a firecracker.

“Because you don’t want anyone else to take Haruto, right? Then you’ve got to act!”

When Hoshiko gets like this, she’s unstoppable.

And once again, she hits the nail on the head.

“If you wait too long, it might be too late, you know?”

That one nearly finishes me off.

She’s right—I hate the thought of that.

The image I imagined earlier flashes back in my mind.

“But still…”

There’s a reason I’m hesitating.

But Hoshiko probably wouldn’t understand.

“It’s okay. You’re a wonderful girl, Sis.”

Maybe she’s just trying to cheer me up.

But her words still give me the tiniest bit of courage.

…A good idea comes to mind.

I’ll show Haruto that I can live as a proper girl.

That way, he’ll stop worrying about me and trying to turn me back into a guy.

He might even say, “Stay just the way you are.”

—And so, from that day on, I decided to try just a little harder.