Chapter 13

"Sword Saint Rex-sama, and the swordswoman among your party members—it’s a pleasure to make your acquaintance. I am Emma, serving as Deputy to His Excellency General Penny of the Pedian Empire."

With a crisp, clear tone, the girl—her round eyes shimmering, her smooth chestnut hair cascading to her shoulders—adjusted her attire with practiced ease as she introduced herself.

"Ah, um…"

"My deepest apologies for the unsightly display earlier. It is shameless of me to ask, but I would be grateful if you could kindly forget what you witnessed."

With that, the young girl bowed her head meekly. Taking a proper look at her now, she had slightly upturned eyes that gave her a stubborn impression despite her childish appearance. If she grew up, she’d undoubtedly become a cool beauty.

Though Emma looked like a child, her demeanor was strikingly mature. Her cheeks were faintly flushed—perhaps from embarrassment over being seen in such a compromising situation—yet she maintained an unreadable expression, speaking calmly.

Honestly, she was handling this like an adult.

…Don’t tell me—was she actually of age? Just her appearance alone was already criminal, so the general was definitely guilty, but given Clarise’s precedent, looks could be deceiving. Maybe she wasn’t really a child. If she was an adult, then we’d just committed a massive blunder.

"Hey, Emma… san?"

"Yes?"

"How old are you?"

"I’m ● years old."

"Yeah, that’s a crime."

────Death to lolicon. No mercy. Still half-naked, I drove my foot into the head of the prostrating general.

"Hey, Penny… Didn’t I tell you? Just because they like you doesn’t mean you can go after actual little girls. Clarise-chan is at least technically an adult, but Emma’s a hard no, right?"

"...Emma was just too cute. I couldn’t help it. I regret nothing."

"I’m so happy, Penny-sama…"

"Hey, Rex. Can I kill him? He’s the kind of person who should be killed, right?"

"Unfortunately, Penny’s the Empire’s top military officer, so no. We’ll report him to the proper authorities and let the law handle it."

Rex glared at Penny with eyes colder than ice. I felt the exact same way—this man deserved to die.

Penny, the disgrace of this nation, shamelessly started getting handsy with a little girl in public. I was honestly so ashamed of being born here that I seriously considered defecting to a neighboring country.

Who in their right mind would give him command of the military…?

"Fufufu. I anticipated you’d say that, Sword Saint Rex-sama. However, there’s something I’d like you to see."

"...What? What am I supposed to be looking at?"

"Here. Behold—this marriage certificate. Under the king’s mediation, Penny-sama and I entered into a marital union this spring. That’s right! The highest authority in this nation guarantees it—I am Penny-sama’s lawful wife! Therefore, there is no illegality in his touching me!"

The young girl proudly brandished the so-called marriage certificate. Sure enough, it bore the imperial seal, identical to the one on the request form.

"Hey, Rex. Wanna go kill the king?"

"That’d collapse the country, so no. Instead, let’s make Penny take responsibility and die."

"Hahaha, Rex! Come now, no need to get so heated. With such a cute girl by your side, shouldn’t we talk this out calmly?"

General Penny laughed boisterously, utterly unrepentant.

…Wait, who did he think I was?

Oh, right—me. Since we were alone together here, he must’ve misunderstood. I should probably correct him before—

"WHOSE FAULT DO YOU THINK IT IS THAT THE MOOD’S RUINED, YOU DAMN LOLICON?! WE WERE THIS CLOSE!"

"Oh? Trying to impress her, are we? If it’s a spar you want, I’ll gladly oblige."

"Do your best, Penny-sama~!"

"SHUT THE HELL UP, I’LL MURDER YOU!"

Before I could clear up that horrifying misunderstanding, an enraged Rex lunged at the general, sword drawn. Hey, at least deny it first!

…And what exactly were you planning to do with those “few more seconds,” huh?

By the way—

"Justice prevails. Evil perishes…"

"PENNY-SAAAAAN?!"

Foolishly attempting to fight Rex barehanded, General Penny was promptly embedded into the ground, KO’d in seconds. That he lasted even that long against Rex was proof of his skill as a general—he was at least decently strong.

By the time Rex had cooled off, the surrounding couples—perhaps sensing danger—had already vanished. With General Penny still unconscious over Rex’s shoulder, we decided to head back to our hideout.

Now that our full team for the request was assembled (including this mess), it made sense to regroup at our base where Clarise was staying. At the very least, we could hold a proper strategy meeting there.

As we walked, I held hands with Emma—who was visibly dejected after her "husband’s" knockout—and took the opportunity to grill Rex for details about Penny.

"Rex. When you called him ‘serious,’ what exactly did you mean?"

"...You mean Penny? Well, last time we met, he swore he hadn’t laid a hand on Emma."

"Turns out he had. Are all the Empire’s generals this unhinged?"

"────But here’s the thing. Even so… compared to the other generals? Penny’s still probably the most decent of the bunch. Like, even if you ignore the whole ‘lolicon’ thing…"

Rex’s answer only made my headache worse. Decent? This walking red flag qualified as decent in Rex’s book?

"That bad, huh? The Empire’s military’s that rotten?"

"Penny’s desire to ‘protect the common folk’ is genuine. Even if it’s just ‘protecting children’ specifically… At the very least, he’s the only one who actually gives a damn about the people."

"Huh… So he does sincerely want to protect civilians."

Rex’s opinion of the other generals was downright scathing. If Penny was the best of them, what did that make the rest—monsters?

"Also, I refuse to accept that I’m ‘ten times more ridiculous’ than him."

"Dude, his fetish isn’t even funny. It’s just criminal."

"Ah, you meant it that way."

So it was literal "ridiculousness" he’d been judging. Meaning I was the laughable one. I’ll murder him someday.

"To play devil’s advocate, though—Penny’s got no real talent. He just trained like a madman to protect kids from bandits and monsters. Through sheer effort and experience, he saved countless villages single-handedly, clawed his way up to general, and probably has more lives saved under his belt than anyone else in the Empire. That part, I respect."

"...After my family was killed by monsters, Penny-sama took me in and raised me. I truly… love him with all my heart. So hearing him criticized hurts."

"Whoa… Okay, maybe Penny is kinda decent… aside from the fetish."

The achievements Rex described were impossible to reconcile with the pervert we’d just met. But if even half of it was true, Rex’s "serious and stoic" assessment made a twisted sort of sense.

"Thing is, he’s got no ulterior motives. Neither he nor Clarise. Most people with power turn scheming or arrogant, but Penny? Nothing. He’s just… a lolicon."

"That last part’s a pretty fatal flaw."

"Agreed. But let’s face it—flawless people don’t exist. Well, except me, of course."

"...Hey Rex, your crotch looks────"

"SHUT UP OR I’LL MAKE YOU CRY, YOU LITTLE—!!"

The "flawless" existence (●pparently not) was already on the verge of tears before I finished my sentence. Guess he’s real sensitive about his size.

Meanwhile, Emma was sneakily eyeing Rex’s groin with way too much interest. Huh. So she’s curious about other men’s ‘measurements’ too? What a shameless little gremlin.

Back at the Hideout

"Hm? You hadn’t heard of Penny’s marriage? Truly, joyous news!"

"What’s joyous is how empty Clarise’s head must be."

Upon arriving, Clarise greeted Penny’s unconscious form with a radiant smile. Apparently, she wholeheartedly approved of the "marriage."

Then again, given her own childlike appearance, maybe she was just biased toward fellow lolis.

"Ah, is this not the purest love?! Rarely have I witnessed devotion so unwavering!"

"You mean ‘unwavering lust.’"

"I can see it—their hearts, bound by mutual trust! They uplift each other without dependence, each excelling in their roles! What matter is age?!"

She declared this with the confidence of a sunbeam, utterly convinced.

Yeah, no surprise Clarise folded. She’s always been weak to flowery talk about "love."

Also, the overwhelming scent of idiot wafting off her didn’t help.

"Uh… That’s not okay…"

"... (silent horror)"

Yep. This—Mei and Karin’s reactions—was the normal response. Lolicons deserve execution, no trial needed. Maybe we should ambush Penny tonight and take his head.

"Enough about Penny. Once this idiot wakes up, we’re starting the strategy meeting. We’ll ‘correct’ his lolicon tendencies later—right now, the Demon King’s army takes priority."

"I’d prefer if you didn’t ‘correct’ him, Sword Saint-sama."

"W-Wait, we’re diving into a dungeon with this creepy old man…?"

"Sis, I’m getting real bad vibes. Are you sure we can trust him?"

Mei scowled, edging away from Penny’s unconscious body. Her disgust was palpable.

"Absolutely! True, Penny once attempted to court me, but his heart belongs solely to Emma!"

"Oh hell no, that makes it worse!"

"He… tried to court you…?"

Of course he did. Mei’s eyes frosted over at the revelation. Nothing like a little sister’s protective rage. Should’ve stuck to legal lolis, you degenerate.

"...Sis, was that your only shot at marriage? What a waste."

"Fuhahaha!! …Mei, that might actually piss me off."

"Eep! S-Sorry!"

Never mind—Mei was just trolling her sister.

"Speaking of which, how’s your relationship with Rex progressing, Mei?"

"Ugh! Why do you always go there?!"

"You started it!"

And just like that, the sisters devolved into their usual bickering. Same old, same old. Those two really are close.

"This hideout’s gotten real noisy. Even dogs wouldn’t touch this sibling squabble."

"To be fair, Clarise alone is loud enough. A little chaos isn’t bad—just endure it ‘til the job’s done."

"Fair point."

As I watched their heartwarming (if noisy) daily life, I settled in to wait for Penny to wake up—surrounded by allies, enemies, and one irredeemable lolicon.

"Huh? Sword Saint-sama, weren’t you just in the park having a rendezvous with that female swordsman? So which one is your lover—her, or Clarise’s little sister?"

The little girl’s innocent, dagger-sharp question sliced through the room.

Oh shit. I’d forgotten to clear up that misunderstanding.

Then—silence. The sisters’ bickering froze mid-air. A discordant, glass-shattering aura began radiating from Mei and Karin.

What the hell is that? Terrifying.