Chapter 6: Lewd Talk Between Men Is Gross, but Usually Pretty Fun

“…That’s the thing!! I, I…!!”

“Yeah, yeah, drink up! Then let it all out!”

…Just a few minutes after Karl showed up at the bar, he was already taken down by the more seasoned drinkers—unsurprising, given his low alcohol tolerance.

He’d tried bringing up demons, only to get laughed off and handed more drinks. Before he knew it, he’d been dragged into a full-on lewd storytime.

“I’ve got sexual urges too! I’m doing my best to hold it in! But Maika keeps teasing me, I can’t see Lev like that, and Irine’s way too defenseless!!”

“Whoa there, that’s three girl names in one breath.”

“This guy’s a player, isn’t he!? Unforgivable! Drink more!!”

“Gladly!!”

It was a guys-only space, filled with crude talk. The mood must’ve gotten to him, because usually-gentlemanly Karl had gone completely off the rails.

He started pouring out every frustration he’d bottled up in the erotic department. Stuff I probably shouldn’t be hearing got repeated way too often.

…Okay, I’ll admit it—it’s kind of hilarious.

“Alright, start from the beginning. What’s this Maika like?”

“She’s my childhood friend and best friend! And she’s got big boobs!”

“Right, right, big boobs—clear sign of a fine woman!”

“Childhood friend, best friend, and stacked? You lucky bastard, sitting on a gold mine!”

“She’s kind, smart, seriously a great girl. But still…!!”

Karl collapsed onto the bar counter, grinding his teeth and muttering tearfully.

“She turned me down a long time ago…”

“Bwahaha!! That’s rough, buddy! Drink up!”

“Thangksh!!”

…Wait, seriously? Maika turned him down? They seemed like they had something going on.

“I worked up all this courage, asked her to become an adventurer with me and join my journey… and she just smiled and said, ‘No thanks~♪’”

“Dude, that’s a clear ‘no’ right there!”

Oh. So that was supposed to be a confession.

“You guys are traveling together now, right? Why not give it another shot?”

“It’s fine. I’ve already been rejected. I’m a rejected man…”

“This guy’s hilarious when he’s drunk, hahahaha!!”

Man, he’s totally misunderstanding. What Maika really meant was “adventuring is dangerous, just stay in the village and live with me.” He completely missed the point.

So he’s… the oblivious type, huh?

“What about the other girls? You’ve got three in your party, right?”

“What’s Lev like? Is she hot?”

“She’s not!! Lev’s… Lev’s like a daughter to me!!”

While I was figuring out how to help clear up the misunderstanding with Maika, the conversation moved on. Well, I’ll find a chance to fix it later.

“Lev’s still a minor. Five years younger than me. I’m more like her guardian. It’s not like that.”

“Five years isn’t that big a deal, though?”

“It is with Lev. She lost her parents, and I just happened to take her in. If I tried to take advantage of that kind of weakness, she wouldn’t be able to say no. That’s not what a man does!!”

“Yeah, and if a guy like that showed up, we’d beat him to death.”

“I’ll look after Lev until she grows up. And then, I’ll help her marry a man I trust, so she can live a safe, happy life.”

“Wow, you’ve gone full-on dad mode.”

…So Lev lost her parents. Come to think of it, Maika did say she had a heavy past.

Yeah, I should treat her extra kindly.

“But putting that aside, is Lev cute?”

“Oh, absolutely! Big, bright eyes, symmetrical face, dazzling smile. She’s gonna be a real beauty someday! Bit shy, but super sweet and honest—completely sincere.”

“She sounds amazing. Introduce me sometim—”

“Touch her and you die.”

“Yikes, that look in your eyes is serious.”

Karl shot a glare cold as ice at the guy who jokingly tried to flirt.

Yep. This guy becomes a praise-machine for his teammates when he’s drunk. Also, a bit of a doting parent.

“Right now, Lev only needs me! One day I’ll let her go with tears in my eyes, but for now, she’s my precious Lev and I’m keeping it that way!”

“…Okay, that’s kinda creepy.”

“Lev’s adorable, you know? When she’s scared from a nightmare, she crawls into my bed. She’s still such a little cuddlebug.”

“…Wait. How old is Lev again?”

“Thirteen. She’s at her cutest right now!”

Thought so. She’s growing up pretty fast…

Wait, a thirteen-year-old still climbing into bed when she’s scared? Isn’t that a little off?

“She still wants to bathe together sometimes, or asks me to hold her before bed. There’s a lot of childish behavior still, and honestly, it’s kind of healing. She’s just so cute.”

“Yeah, that’s not normal past age ten.”

“Lev still needs me. I will find her the perfect guy someday!”

…At that age, it’s less about parental affection and more when you start becoming aware of the opposite sex.

Couldn’t that be Lev’s clumsy way of showing her feelings?

“Wait… you bathed together? With a girl her age?”

“Well, Maika usually just yanks her away before it happens. If I let it slide, she’ll grow up and remember it, and be super embarrassed. That’d be awful.”

Nah, pretty sure she already understands that stuff. She’s trying to seduce you, dude.

“…Well, he doesn’t seem into it, so I guess I’ll let it slide. Not a closet perv, thankfully.”

“If anything happens, leave it to me—I’ll take him out clean, no one will ever know.”

“No one touches Lev! Unless I approve of the guy, no one lays a finger on her!!”

Ugh. My head hurts.

I thought Karl was a decent guy, but he’s got his share of issues.

“So, lastly. Irine, right? She’s the only one left.”

Oh, here we go—it’s my turn. I wonder what Karl thinks of me?

“So, is Irine sexy?”

“She’s sexy.”

Don’t answer so fast with a straight face!!

Wait—sexy? Me!? Since when!?

Irine, in her well-behaved, high-class mode, is the very image of a refined young lady. I don’t say lewd things, and I definitely don’t harass other girls.

There’s no way I come across as sexy—

“She’s a noble and super sheltered, so she doesn’t even notice when guys stare. Even when she’s naked, she acts like it’s no big deal. The other day, I accidentally saw her bathing, and she… complimented me…”

“You peeked at her bathing!?”

“Okay yeah, that’s sexy. But also, she might just be extremely naïve.”

“I don’t think Irine’s ever spoken to a man outside her family before. She probably doesn’t even understand what it means for a guy to see her naked. Normally, someone would get furious, right…?”

“So she’s the unaware-sexy type. Damn, I’d kill to have a teammate like that.”

…Ah. So that’s how people are interpreting it.

No, I’ve talked to men just fine, you know? Like noble sons we’re acquainted with, or people at social gatherings. I’ve even gone on formal matchmaking meetings.

“Irine is, how do I put it... a noble lady with this otherworldly vibe. She’s mysterious but approachable—and on top of that, an insanely skilled mage.”

“Man, that’s the most enviable girl you’ve mentioned so far. Hand her over to my party.”

“That again…? Absolutely not.”

Am I really that mysterious? I’ll admit I’m “muscle-terious,” but still.

“When you think of nobles, you usually expect them to be snobby and hard to talk to.”

“Nah, Irine’s super easy to get along with. During our travels, she asked to be treated like a commoner and never acted superior even once.”

“For real!? Didn’t know nobles like that existed.”

“She’s probably from a proper household, raised well. Girls who are brought up like delicate flowers tend to be innocent and honest, like fairies.”

“Yeah, that really describes her. Irine’s just like a fairy.”

…That fairy is currently wearing a monkey mask and giggling over dirty jokes.

Karl, you’re seriously idealizing noble girls too much. Most of them are two-faced, you know?

“Bet she’s never lifted anything heavier than a spoon.”

“Like, she tries to pick up something heavy, goes ‘Kyaa!’ and falls on her butt. Then I, the man, step in to carry it and show off how dependable I am—bam, opportunity!”

At home, I was casually lifting 100kg dumbbells (handmade by my sister), thank you very much.

“So are you planning to go after her? You already ruled the others out, right?”

“Huh…? No, Irine’s way out of my league.”

“You’re the only guy in a three-girl party. Totally fair game. What if Irine finds a boyfriend in another party and decides to leave yours? What then?”

“…That’d be bad.”

“Right?”

Wait. Are they trying to steer him into flirting with me?

Cut it out!!

“Isn’t there a huge class divide between nobles and commoners?”

“Idiot, think it through, Monkey Mask. From what we’ve heard, Irine’s a naive, sheltered noble girl, right? She could easily get tricked by a bad guy and dragged off.”

“That’s why you, Karl, need to win her heart and protect her from creeps.”

“R-Really…? Is that how it works?”

Karl’s starting to get swayed. Stop feeding him this nonsense, you scumbag customers! I don’t need some guy’s affection!

“Start with something like, ‘It’s standard for adventurers to bathe together to build trust,’ and use that to sneak into the bath with her—”

“Then, when Irine lets her guard down, you hug her passionately and push her dow—”

“That’s literally a crime! You’d get killed for that!!”

That’s basically assault!!

“Cut it out already! Like I could ever do something like that to Irine!”

“Geez, you’re no fun.”

Oh? Nicely done, Karl. Of course you wouldn’t.

“Irine gave up her noble status to follow me. If I betrayed that trust, I’d rather die.”

“Ugh, such a straight-laced guy. I thought if I hyped him up, we’d get some juicy drama.”

“So all three girls are off-limits? Then who do you want to date?”

“For now… no one. I’ll think about it when I actually fall for someone.”

“So basically, you’re planning to dodge the question and enjoy the harem life for a while, huh? Tch, guess my plan to snag a leftover just went down the drain…”

“You guys were actually aiming for that!?”

Nice, nice. I was worried he might get convinced—but he held out. Good job, Karl. I’m proud of you.

“Well, jokes aside, you better keep a close eye on that Irine girl. Sheltered girls are the easiest to fool, you know.”

“Alright, alright. Now that you mention it, I’m starting to get worried... She insisted on paying for her own room and even started working part-time.”

“Wait, a noble working under commoners? That okay?”

“No way that’s okay. She’s totally gonna get tricked and end up in some awful situation.”

“She might already be going, ‘So this is commoners’ work...’ while working at a brothel or something.”

“N-No way, not even she would go that far...”

...

I mean, I haven’t been tricked or anything—but yes, I am working at a brothel.

“Nah, it’s fine. Irine’s great at telling when someone’s lying. She wouldn’t get fooled that easily—”

“You think a noble lady who’s barely even spoken to men is gonna walk into society and not end up prey to some sleazebag?”

“For all we know, she might be grinding her hips on top of some guy right now.”

“...Tomorrow, I’ll ask her where she’s working. I’m sure she’s fine. It’s Irine, after all.”

“Dude, you’re clearly starting to worry.”

Geh.

If he presses me too hard and I slip up, he’ll find out I’m actually working at a brothel.

“Man, maybe that oblivious noble girl is working somewhere around here.”

“Wouldn’t mind defiling a noble lady or two.”

“She’s fine… Irine’s definitely fine. Yep.”

Okay, okay. I need to come up with something.

What kind of job would feel normal for a noble to do? How can I say it in a way that puts Karl’s mind at ease? Well, I’ve got until tomorrow—I’ll figure something out.

“She might even be working nearby, huh. Hmm... maybe I’ll go buy a girl tonight on the off chance it’s Irine in disguise.”

“Could actually happen, dude. Go for it.”

Yeah... it could actually happen.

---

Around the same time—

“...”

“Milady, you’re pale as a ghost.”

At the entrance of the red-light district, a small noble girl stood frozen, clutching a pendant, her face drained of all color.

“Um, is this really where Lady Irine is?”

“...”

“This road... doesn’t it lead to the red-light district?”

“Th-That... that can’t possibly be...”

The pendant, which pointed to her older sister’s location, was unwavering—directing her to inside a brothel. It was late at night. Business hours were in full swing.

“Big Sister… S-S-Sisterrr!!?”

“Lady Ilia! Please, compose yourself!!”

“Nooooooo!? Sister’s in there!? My sister’s in there!!?”

“Lady Iliaaaa!! Oh, how tragic this is...!”

Faced with a truth she never could’ve imagined, the little sister began spinning in a daze, utterly confused. It was only natural—her beloved elder sister, in a place as filthy as a brothel? Impossible.

“My sister… she’s finally bought a woman!! My sister’s become a brother!!”

“...Wait, that’s the conclusion you jumped to!?”

She never once considered the possibility that Irine might be selling her own body.