Chapter 6: An Unshakable Resolve

"...Feeling better now?"

Keita asked while Hinata rested her head on his lap.

He had returned about thirty minutes earlier.
Just as he promised, he came back at full speed—his shoulders rising and falling as he panted for breath.

Even so, Hinata’s expression remained dark, showing no real sign of recovery.
Figuring she needed somewhere quiet to rest, they headed to the park they had talked about earlier. There, they settled on a sunlit bench to take a break.

"...More or less."

Hinata had been lying down ever since.
Only now was some color starting to return to her cheeks.

Seeing that, Keita let out a small breath of relief.

"You don’t have to get up yet if it’s too much. We’ve still got plenty of trains we can catch, so let’s not rush. We can rest a little longer.
I mean, sure, we might get back late… but if we get scolded, let’s get scolded together."

"...Sorry."

"You don’t have to keep apologizing. This kind of thing goes both ways, right?
Remember back in kindergarten—on that field trip when I got sick from the bus ride? You stayed with me the whole time and took care of me. I still remember that."

"Oh yeah… I think that did happen."

Keita was talking about something that had happened nearly ten years ago.
Probably just bringing up an old memory to ease the mood.

"I’m fine now, but I used to get motion sickness all the time as a kid.
So yeah—give and take, right?
Today didn’t go as planned, but let’s save up and come again."

He added a playful wink.
Though, being terrible at it, he ended up just half-closing one eye awkwardly.

"...Thanks."

"If you get thirsty, I’ll go grab a drink right away. And when it gets close to the bus time, I’ll wake you up, so just rest until then if you want."

...In the end, Keita never once asked why Hinata wasn’t feeling well.

Even though it was obvious from earlier that the change in weather wasn’t the cause.

Most likely, it was just the kind of person he was—genuinely kind by nature.

But precisely because of that...
Hinata couldn’t help but feel guilty for staying silent.

"...Hey, Kei."

"Hm? What’s up?"

She didn’t know if he’d understand.
But if she lied now, she felt she’d never be able to look him in the eye again—too ashamed.

"Will you listen to what I have to say?"

Hinata sat up.
And with newfound resolve, decided to confess everything.

"I’ve been thinking about it... for a really long time."

Though she had never said it out loud, Hinata had been questioning it ever since she was a child:

“The accident claimed several lives. So why were just the two of us reborn?”

Most people, if placed in the same situation, would likely ask the same question.
Once you die, that’s supposed to be the end.
That’s the common, grounded image of death.

Even so, she never found an answer.
There simply weren’t enough reference points to draw from.

She’d once casually asked her classmates if anyone else had similar memories...
But they had only given her puzzled looks, so she laughed it off, saying it was just make-believe inspired by anime or manga.

So, Hinata tried flipping her thinking.

“It’s not that only the two of us were reborn. Maybe… everyone who died in that accident—no, everyone—goes through reincarnation. And it just so happened that we were the only ones who retained our past life memories.”

Even then, though... nothing really changed.

It was just aimless mental gymnastics—something to help her make peace with it all.
No matter how she spun the logic, it didn’t change the fact that only the two of them remembered anything from before.

Hinata was aware of that.
That’s why, once she came up with that answer, she pushed the whole thing to the back of her mind.
Rather than dwell on it, it seemed more important to focus on this new life.
To figure out how to meet their former family again.

...Or so she thought.

"I think I started thinking about it again right after we started elementary school.
That’s when you stopped talking about our past lives so openly, right?
Even when you did bring something up, it was always about your memories after being reborn—as ‘Keita.’
That’s when I thought, ‘Huh… that’s odd.’"

At first, it was just a faint sense of discomfort.
It was only natural that, after being born again, their focus would shift from the past to the present.

But if it was constant, then that changed things.
Even when she brought up “the past,” his answers started getting vague and roundabout.

And more than anything—it was around that time, too.
That her childhood friend, who should’ve shared the same trauma, stopped fearing snowy days entirely.

“That’s when I realized—it’s normal.”

—Like how a toddler who used to talk about life in the womb eventually stops mentioning it as they grow older.

—Like how a movie that once terrified you as a child suddenly feels laughably stupid when you watch it again as an adult, and you can’t even remember why you were ever scared.

In the end, the two of them had only remembered things longer than most people would have. That’s all.

Like falling snow burying everything beneath it, new memories eventually cover up the old ones until they can’t be recalled anymore. That’s what’s normal.

“Up to this point, did I say anything wrong?”

“……”

Kei, who had been listening intently, fell silent when Hinata looked at him.

But after a brief pause, he let out a resigned, wry smile and slowly nodded.

“I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t hiding it… Yeah, everything you said was spot on, Hina-chan. By the time I realized it, the memories had already started to blur, and I couldn’t remember anything clearly anymore… No matter how many times I heard it, it all just felt like someone else’s story. But… I was scared that if I said it out loud, it would sever my connection with you. That’s why I couldn’t bring myself to say anything.”

“You don’t need to worry. To me, ‘Kei’ is still ‘Kei.’ I’m not going to avoid you over something like that. I told you—it’s normal. …But—”

At the end of Kei’s words, his voice nearly breaks. Hinata responds firmly—only to suddenly fall silent.

…Because there’s still something she hasn’t said.

Kei had forgotten everything so quickly, while Hinata still retained her memories.

That discrepancy still hadn’t been explained by the earlier theory.

“…Hey, Kei—do you think of yourself as a boy?”

“Eh? That’s… yeah. After hearing what you said, I still think of myself as a boy.”

Though thrown off by the sudden change in topic, Kei answered honestly.

And as if expecting that response all along, Hinata quietly muttered,

“Thought so… That’s probably why.”

Then, in a steady tone, she continued.

…The likely cause of their divergence was gender identity.

Call it a kind of resignation.

Back when they were little, Kei had struggled with becoming a boy even more than Hinata had. But by the time they reached elementary school, he had already come to terms with it and started playing with the other boys like it was the most natural thing in the world.

Hinata, on the other hand, hadn’t changed much from how she’d been in her previous life—for better or worse.

She played soccer with the boys, sometimes even walked into the boys’ bathroom by mistake.

Whether it was fortunate or not is hard to say.

But that refusal to conform had become a strong mental defense, one that had allowed “Hinata” to retain her memories for an astonishingly long time.

Though even that didn’t last past a few years ago.

Now, even Hinata’s memories had started to blur, like fog erasing the edges.

She couldn’t remember her family’s faces—couldn’t even recall if her sibling had been a brother or a sister.

“The reason I felt sick was probably because I lost my nerve. Even though you came with me… I’m sorry. But I just felt like, if I met my old family, I’d have to face the reality of how much I’ve already forgotten…”

She paused, then clenched her fists so tightly her nails dug into her palms.

“No matter what happens, I have to remember my past life. I have to. I can’t ever let myself forget…”