Chapter 23: TS Girl, Self-Destructs

"Um… what exactly is going on here…?"

Anyway, I’m Akegami Yuri. Right now, Kisa—who somehow barged all the way into my room—is hugging me.

Today was supposed to be a sortie, but since Kisa didn’t charge in recklessly and everyone stayed connected through Connect, it ended without any issues.

Everyone’s gotten stronger.

Well, putting that aside—

For some reason, Kisa was hugging Nagisa-kun this morning, and now she’s clinging to me instead. Why?

…Well, I’m not actually Yuri, but I don’t feel like revealing my true self either, so I’m forcing myself to keep acting like her.

And for some reason, Reina is sitting right in front of me with a book open.

What is this situation?

"We’re having a girls’ night today!"

"What do you mean?"

"I just felt like messing around with Yuri a bit."

"Huh? Why?"

Squish, squish—she pokes at my cheeks.

Since Nagisa-kun isn’t here, does that mean I’ve ended up taking his place?

"To be blunt—"

Snap. Reina closes her book. I flinch at the seriousness in her gaze. It feels like she can see straight through me.

"—We know you’re not Akegami Yuri."

"...Ahaha."

I laugh it off, trying to dodge the issue. Crack—something inside me feels like it splits.

…Ah. I see. So that’s how it is.

They figured it out. So they really did find out.

…Man, what a pain. I wish people would stop poking around inside me.

At this rate, maybe Shinazaki Nagisa knows too. What a drag.

My heart suddenly turns cold. A sharp throb pulses through my head.

"Just so you know, we didn’t hear it from Shishiba Honoka."

Kisa pats my head. The pain eases a little.

Seriously… do they think I’m a kid or something?

Wait—if it wasn’t Honoka, then…

"I see. Haraguchi?"

"That’s right."

So it was him. I forgot about that.

Normally, this kind of thing comes out little by little, right? Isn’t it bad to just dump everything at once like this?

…They probably heard about Haraguchi from Honoka. Which means—yeah, this is my fault.

Figures. I always mess things up. Nothing ever goes the way it should. This kind of thing is harder than it looks.

It doesn’t help that my personality is nothing like the original, either.

"...So what if you did hear it?"

I meant to sound normal, but what came out was ice-cold.

Damn it. The mask is slipping. The pounding in my head is getting worse.

"Let’s see… to put it simply, we want to know more about you."

"Wow, Reina, you’re way too caring. What are you, my mom?"

"...So that’s your real personality."

"..."

Well, whatever. They’ve already heard about my past, haven’t they? Then it doesn’t make a difference.

If I don’t have to hold back anymore, it’s actually easier.

"Just like I thought—the way you acted when you had a fever was the real you, right?"

"Yeah, I guess."

…Getting sick that day really was a mistake.

I got drenched in the rain, and while drifting in and out of consciousness, a voice in my head—my own—kept blaming me. Then I collapsed. Screw-up.

Maybe I should’ve used a skill to recover. Though it wouldn’t have helped the illness itself.

Honestly, I was probably never cut out for pretending to be someone else if I was going to slip up like this anyway.

"Even then, you were clinging to Nagisa-kun, so I figured you must really like him."

"Huh?"

…What the hell was I doing back then…?

I mean, I did stay close to him to maintain the act of being Akegami Yuri, but still.

"...Kurokawa Kisa, that’s not what we’re talking about, right?"

"Ah, right. Sorry. It’s just, when you get all prickly, it makes me want to tease you. You’re like a cat."

"...Kumoyama Yuri said the same thing."

…Though in his case, it was “a stray cat.”

"I see—Kumoyama Yuri, huh? In the end, I didn’t hear much from Haraguchi, but what kind of person was he?"

"Like I’d tell you."

"Were you two dating?"

"No. We were just friends."

I deny it without hesitation.

He and I were nothing more than friends.

If he had survived back then… maybe things could’ve been different. But that possibility is gone now.

A sharp pain stabs through my head again.

"Anyway, enough about Yuri."

"I don’t really want to think about him right now."

"Then let me change the subject… Yuri, do you want to die?"

"—So what if I do?"

It’s so blunt that I fire back without thinking.

Reina’s expression stiffens. Behind me, I feel Kisa hold her breath.

Want to die… huh? I wonder.

But I’m already tired. There’s nothing I really want to do anymore.

…Why am I even alive? Maybe it would’ve been better if I’d died with Yuri back then.

Well, I already know the answer.

In the end, it’s because I regret it—that’s why I’ve kept dragging myself forward.

If I had thought things through properly—like using my knowledge of the game—I might’ve become a Curse Seeker sooner and been able to protect my family… and him.

But if things were always going to end the same way as in the game, then maybe it couldn’t be helped. And if that were the case, I probably wouldn’t have any regrets.

That’s all it really comes down to. Something that simple.

"...You’re the one who said we should find a reason to live. Isn’t this unfair?"

"I never said I didn’t."

"You’re not very honest, are you?"

"...What the hell is your problem?"

A dull ache throbs deep in my head.

"So what, you hear about my past and go, ‘aww, that’s so sad’?"

The words keep spilling out, sharp and bitter.

"Akegami Yuri, we just want to help you—"

"I said I don’t need it! Stop prying into me!"

I wrench myself free from Kisa’s arms and shove her away.

"You can go on helping each other all you want—just don’t drag me into it!"

“I” and “me” tangle together into a mess. My emotions spill over, spiraling out of control.

I can’t even tell what I’m saying anymore.

"Yuri…"

"Shut up! I don’t care if I’m having nightmares or if my family and friends are dead—none of it matters, right?! Ugh… ngh…!"

The words I try to force out dissolve into a strained groan.

I collapse, curling in on myself.

Silence fills the room.

"...I’m sorry."

Kisa’s small voice reaches me.

Sorry? For what? I think—but I’m too exhausted to say anything.

"So… why aren’t you two leaving?"

"We can’t just leave you like this."

For some reason, Reina is briskly cooking. …The smell is annoyingly good.

"Sorry, Yuri."

"...Shut up."

"I pushed too far."

Kisa pulls me into a tight hug, and this time, I let myself lean into her.

I’m just… tired. Too tired to push her away.

…The mask has come off, but it would still feel awkward to act as my real self now. So for a while, I’ll probably keep playing the same Akegami Yuri as before.

With that vague thought in mind, I watch the two of them fuss over me.