V5: Chapter 50: Hoshino Shizuku’s Dilemma, Is It?

Chapter 50: Hoshino Shizuku’s Dilemma, Is It?

I had been invited into the private chambers of the Association President—Squire—located deep within the sprawling Magical Girl Association headquarters in the city center. I felt a sense of relief seeing that she had accumulated even more personal belongings here than she had the last time I visited.

"Thank you for coming."

"Oh, come on—there’s really no need to be so formal."

Despite that, she had dutifully prepared snacks and was waiting for me with a polite air. She really didn't need to be so stiff; surely, given the relationship between her and me...

"...Between you and Squire?" (Squire)

"Isn't it a little unfair to just blurt out whatever I'm thinking?" (Satellite)

"I have to do it this way. Otherwise... you'll just keep dwelling on all the embarrassing things..." (Squire)

She had a point. Taking advantage of her ability to "see" things, I probably had gone a bit overboard lately—constantly making comments about how cute she was or engaging in borderline-harassment behavior.

Perhaps a little self-reflection was in order.

"It’s not that I... dislike it. It’s just... embarrassing."

"Is that so? In that case..."

"But please not today. Today is... a bit of a serious discussion."

Her cheeks flushed slightly, she cleared her throat once and continued:

"Your relationship with Gracia. First off... congratulations."

"Oh—ah, haha... I suppose 'Thank you' is the appropriate response?"

Simply acknowledging the fact that we had started dating probably wouldn't be an issue in itself. However... well...

"What I want to discuss is... the specific issues you’re currently facing."

"You mean... my sexual proclivities? That’s a bit sudden—why bring it up now, of all times?"

"I felt that... the time was finally right."

The doll-like girl’s gray eyes—devoid of any highlights—stared intently into mine, as if peering straight into the deepest recesses of my being.

"I’m going to be delving... quite deeply—no, very deeply—into your subconscious."

No... in reality, she was seeing right through me. Thanks to her magic: [Thought Disclosure]

"If it gets too painful, just say so... okay? There’s no need to rush."

As she said this, she placed her hand over mine, and I could feel the warmth of her touch.

I wondered what kind of expression was reflected in those gray eyes of hers.

"First of all, you are harboring a serious problem. A desire you’ve possessed since birth... a desire for self-destruction."

"Ugh... yeah."

"A twisted impulse... the urge to utterly wreck everything you’ve spent your life building up."

I understood, intellectually, that this was indeed a part of me... but hearing it articulated in words like this still felt a little embarrassing. I mean...

"Um... I’ve been meaning to ask for a while now, but... is it really okay for me to be listening to this?" (???)

"I wanted to explain things to the family members as well..." (Squire)

"Yeah, but... my Onee-chan’s extremely intimate sexual details? What kind of face am I supposed to make while listening to that?" (Jane)

After all, Jane-chan was sitting right beside us today.

"Oh, well... since it sounds like a pretty serious conversation, I’ve been keeping my mouth shut." (Jane)

"Yeah, and I’ll treat you to lunch... okay?" (Satellite)

"Mom already gave you money specifically for eating out, didn't she? It’s no use trying to pull a fast one on me." (Jane)

"Ugh..." (Satellite)

"...Shall I continue?" (Squire)

With that, my younger sister—looking slightly sheepish—readjusted her seat and settled in to listen to our conversation. With a sidelong glance at her, Squire continued speaking. 　

"Satellite... she does care about us. But the reason we haven't become 'that kind of couple' until now... well, there is a reason for it."

"And... what exactly is that reason?"

Come to think of it, by the time of our summer trip, it wouldn't have been at all strange for us to have become "that kind of couple."

"You get close to someone, you share all sorts of experiences... and if things keep going that way, that person gradually becomes... more and more precious to you."

"But... isn't that a good thing? What's the problem?"

It was a perfectly natural question—after all, what could possibly be wrong with simply falling in love with someone?

"Deep down in your heart, you realized something. What if... the most important thing in your life ceased to be you?"

Her words made me gasp in sudden realization.

The reason I play the role of the model student at school—and the reason I play the role of the ideal Magical Girl, [Satellite]—is, at its very core, to set up the perfect contrast for my own defeat. If I were to form a relationship so precious that it overshadowed even that...

"Exactly. Right now, the target of that twisted desire of yours is focused inward—on yourself. But where that desire would turn if that focus were to shift? Well, that goes without saying."

It is a contradiction born into me—an intrinsic part of who I am. I want to destroy everything I’ve worked so desperately to build. Precisely because something is precious to me, I feel an urge to utterly ruin it. It is a desire that has remained unchanged for as long as I can remember... a yearning for self-destruction.

"You don't want to hurt the people around you. And that is precisely why—subconsciously—you pushed it away. The very act... of falling in love with someone."

"Then... why... why did I confess to Chloe-chan? Why now, after all this time?"

"It’s not so much that the desire has lessened... but rather that it’s become diluted, I suppose. Unlike in the past, when you were constantly chasing after that 'ideal defeat'... now, you have a different source of fulfillment. And besides..."

She paused, gathering her thoughts, then looked at me with an expression that suggested she found it difficult to speak. Her cheeks flushed crimson as she finally opened her mouth to continue. 　

"Your body has become... quite lewd, hasn't it?"

"Huh? What brought that on all of a sudden?"

Is this... is this what it means? We were having a serious conversation, but perhaps she couldn't resist how cute—and lewd—I am, and her self-control finally snapped...!

"......That's not what I meant. Hey, listen to me!" (Squire)

"Well, Squire... you're actually quite bold, aren't you? I-It's fine... Shall we go to the bed?" (Satellite)

"Is this the part where I'm supposed to excuse myself?" (Jane)

"J-Just listen!" (Squire)

Raising her voice louder than usual, Squire waved her arms about in a cute, flustered manner to signal her protest.

Apparently, that wasn't the kind of "invitation" she had intended to make. Amidst the atmosphere that had gone slightly off-track, she cleared her throat and continued:　

"Ahem. Experiences that deviate significantly from the norm—specifically, lewd experiences—combined with torture pushed to the very brink of unconsciousness... Satellite's body has come to recognize this as the process of being 'corrupted'..."

It’s true; no matter how much I understood that it was all just part of the "play," there were indeed several times when my mind simply broke under the sheer intensity of the torment.

By now, any half-hearted form of torture would likely pale in comparison to the experiences I endured in those nights.

"Furthermore, when it comes to sexual fetishes, the more you acquire, the less your fixation on any single one becomes... or so the theory goes. If you keep adding to the list—paraphilia, hematophilia, necrophilia, and so on—it becomes impossible to maintain an equal level of obsession toward all of them simultaneously."

Is that... really how it works?

Well, I suppose it makes sense. If you possess an overwhelming number of fetishes, you probably wouldn't feel the urge to indulge in every single one of them all at once. Much like how one cannot be both a dog and a cat while simultaneously being a fox... it seems that when it comes to fetishes, simply "having more" isn't necessarily a case of "the merrier, the better." 　

"So... what exactly am I supposed to do?"

"You need to... expand your sexual horizons—accumulate more erotic experiences—to neutralize that self-destructive urge. That is the strategy going forward... or rather, the strategy starting right now."

An absolutely outrageous—an utterly preposterous—conclusion awaited me.

True, I did feel as though I no longer craved defeat at the hands of External Enemies quite as intensely as I used to... but that was the mechanism behind it?

Thinking back on it now... especially during my sessions with Squire, I do feel like that tendency was particularly pronounced.

"So, does that mean I just need to keep doing lewd things from now on...?"

"You mustn't make that the objective. Ideally, the 'falling' should occur strictly as a natural consequence of the play itself."

"Huh? Oh... I guess being encouraged to engage in lewd acts at my age is... well, it's certainly something else..."

The point, I suppose, is that the erotic acts themselves must never become the primary goal. Indeed, if I were to engage in sexual activity solely for the sake of "falling," I doubt I would find any true satisfaction in it.　

As I’ve said many times before, starting out in an already "fallen" state simply doesn't align with my personal aesthetic. The right way is to struggle desperately against it—to resist with every fiber of your being—only to succumb in the end because your strength finally gives out. There is nothing beautiful about a defeat sought out by someone who wants to lose.

"I’ve explained this to the other girls as well. Eventually... you should reach a point where you can love someone—truly, from the bottom of your heart—without any hesitation or restraint. Though... what state your body will be in by that time is anyone's guess."

"Mm... that sounds exciting—wait, no—I mean, that sounds terrifying."

"......Hmm. That’s all I wanted to tell you today. Oh, and one more thing..."

Hesitating for a moment before speaking her final words, she continued—her cheeks flushing a deep shade of red as she did so.

"I’ll be waiting for you, too..."

She didn't specify what she was waiting for. But I knew exactly what she was referring to... 　

"It’s a bit late to say this, but... I really am a hopelessly bad girl, aren't I?"

"Even so... I believe that you’ll make me happy. You will, right?"

That said, I probably ought to give some thought to the mood and timing.

"You’re way too sweet... So for lunch, we’re going to a place that serves black coffee."

At the very least... one thing was certain: it definitely shouldn't happen right now—not while my little sister was watching.

★

It was lunchtime. After our discussion, we headed straight to a family restaurant of a rather "royal" caliber.

"Mmm! Sweets really do go into a separate stomach, don't they?"

"Haha. Seeing you look so happy, Jane-chan—that’s the best part... Yeah."

I took a sip of my tea while watching my little sister—Jane—devour a stack of three-tiered pancakes with obvious delight. It was a meal that would clearly blow past the budget Mother had allotted us.

"Outside the budget," of course, meant that the cost would be coming out of my allowance. Not that I mind, really. It’s a pleasure to treat my cute little sister to a meal, after all... Yeah...

"It looks like your new life is off to a smooth start, too... which is wonderful." (Squire)

"That’s all thanks to you, Squire-chan! You really pulled a lot of strings for me, didn't you?" (Jane)

"No comment. It’s a bit of a 'gray area,' after all..." (Squire)

Since that day, the Magical Girl who had introduced herself as "Jane Doe" was welcomed into our home as a new member of the family.

Naturally, there was a bit of a kerfuffle involved in getting her set up—given that she possessed no birth records or official identity whatsoever—but now, she is happily attending junior high school.

Yes, she truly had no name. Just like the moniker "Jane Doe" implies—a nameless person.

We had considered using her original name, but the potential for complications—such as claims of parental custody—was all too obvious. And so, she was—quite literally—reborn...

"Hoshino... Hoshino Yuu. It’s my own name, of course, but... somehow, I still can't quite get used to it..." (Jane)

"I think it’s a lovely name—very fitting for a girl. Don't you agree, Yuu-chan?" (Satellite)

"Stop saying things like that! It’s embarrassing...!" (Jane)

We took the characters from "Yutarou" to create "Yuu."

And just like that, her new life—as a girl—had finally begun. Between catching up on the studies she missed while she wasn't attending school, she seems to be struggling a bit to keep up... but even so, she looked like she was having fun.

"Why are you staring? Could it be... Satellite wants a bite of this too?" (Jane)

"......Onee-chan." (Satellite)

"O-O-Onee-chan... wants a bite, too? M-Man, I'm still not used to that..." (Jane)

"Mm-hmm... In that case, I think I will take a bite♪" (Satellite)

Though still a little awkward, she—the girl who once had no name—and I are sharing a warm, precious moment together.

I hope that, going forward, we can share enough happy times together to make up for all the moments we missed in the past.