V6: Chapter 71: My Rules... But!
Chapter 71: My Rules... But!
It's a sudden topic, but—when I was in kindergarten, I loved playing with building blocks.
I would spend a lot of time, desperately trying to build big houses.
And I loved watching them—be hit by the legs of other children running by—and collapse.
In elementary school, I built a seven-tiered card tower, and it felt good to watch it being swept away by the wind. I loved watching sandcastles I built on the beach being mercilessly carried away by the waves.
I was born with such a slightly distorted sensibility.
I don't have any tragic past, like that of a heroine, that led me to carry this "distortion"...
For example... losing my father right before my eyes.
For example, having suffered a terrible experience at the hands of an External Enemy during childhood.
For example, having been severely bullied.
I don't have such a past.
Not even a little bit.
I haven't experienced any particularly dramatic events or despairing incidents.
Perhaps it would have been better if I had.
That way, I could have used it as a reason.
But even though nothing like that happened. 'It' has been deep within my heart since I was old enough to understand things.
If I were to call it an illness, that would be the end of it.
And if I were to say that it's a part of me, that would also be the end of it.
It's not suicidal ideation; I don't want to die.
On the contrary, I enjoy living; I look forward to each day.
I continued to live my days with those thoughts in mind for some time.
It was one day, shortly after my eighth birthday.
I had the experience of putting a swallow bird chick that had fallen from the nest in front of my house back into the nest.
At the time, I didn't know anything about swallows' behavior, so I think I did it with good intentions.
For little me at that time, it was a very difficult task.
I desperately searched for an empty box, like the kind used for bottles, and stacked them up.
With a sense of accomplishment like a great adventure, after spending hours finally... I gently placed the chick back into the nest. Watching it from the window became my small pleasure for a while.
With a sense of accomplishment in my heart, I looked at the nest from the window almost every day.
The two healthy-looking chicks, and the tiny little chick that was getting thinner day by day.
I don't know if it was because it smelled of humans, or if there was some other reason.
But in the end, for some reason, that chick was the only one that wasn't fed by its parents.
Watching that chick grow thinner and thinner day by day.
Watching the chick that fell from the nest and never moved again.
I thought that──────
......
No, I don't really remember what I thought when I saw it.
Since then, I've been scared.
If this feeling extends not only to inanimate objects, but also to living things.
What will I demand from whom next?
So I established a rule for myself.
I myself am the most important being.
"Just love myself, and be indifferent to everyone else."
I was confident in my cute appearance and my gifted intellect.
Fortunately, I liked my own looks and voice, so it worked surprisingly well.
That way, the target of those emotions would surely be directed only at myself.
That was my Rule, that was my Root.
Well, I can't deny that I had a bit of a masochistic streak from the start, can I?
Really, just a little bit... right?
★★★
In the demon world...
"...So, is that the end of the measurements?"
["Heh heh, that stubborn attitude. That's the ideal Magical Girl I've been searching for... I can't wait to see you in that dress!"]
No more escapism, I never thought I'd be having my dress measurements taken in a place like this. I just casually listened to the demon's stories, which he recounted as if they were heroic tales. Three meals a day, plus snacks—a life that could be described as both boring and liberating.
Even though I was in the heart of enemy territory, there was so little to do that I almost yawned.
["After all, white... no, a pale pink is hard to resist too..."]
Apparently, he's even having the dress he's making fitted and carefully adjusted.
I wonder what's with his obsession with dresses. I don't know what he learned it from...
Well, whatever... it doesn't matter.
"Since it's done, that's enough, right?"
["That's right, there's no need to get along with External Enemies—good, that's what a Satellite is all about. A perfect match in interpretation, truly excellent..."]
I left him, laughing happily to himself, and sat down on the bed prepared for me.
Even though I feel nothing for him now, if I were to feel affection or friendship towards him... would that be the case?
I feel something strange about him, but I can't quite put my finger on what it is.
It's an emptiness, as if he's looking at me, yet not really seeing me.
Well, I push him to the furthest corner of my mind and sink into the ocean of thought.
"I hope everyone's doing well... no, Chloe-chan's probably not doing so well..."
I can easily imagine her in a bad state, especially since I was right next to her when I left.
But I doubt she's just sleep-deprived this time...
"Haha, why am I talking as if she's definitely coming?"
I say it out loud, not really for anyone to hear.
It's no use, even trying to lighten the mood doesn't work.
If I close my eyes, I can remember the ordinary everyday moments as if they happened yesterday.
I want to spend those ordinary moments, I want to see them.
I want to see them, I want to see everyone.
That's why I'm scared.
Maybe the next shallow chicks will be those kids.
I... I...
I want to destroy everything I've worked so hard to build.
That's how I've lived.
But even though I've lived... someone's presence keeps growing bigger and bigger.
Squire is right, I'm sure I've become... weaker.
Much weaker than before.
★
The days pass, morning comes, noon comes... and night comes again.
I'm sure those kids will come to this place.
They would not only be able to find their way here... they're capable more than that...
I believe they will definitely come here.
But... even if they do come, what will I do?
The problem of the Third Demon King remaining plans; I don't think such a cautious one can be defeated so easily.
Besides, I don't know what this "plan" he's talking about is.
"I'm just thinking about so many things."
Is it really okay to go back to them like this?
The more I cherish them, the more afraid I am of touching them.
If I keep my distance, I'm sure I won't harm them.
...But when I have time to think like this, only unpleasant fantasies grow.
But perhaps this is just the right amount of free time to find the answer to the problem I've been running away from.
Time continues to pass without me being able to resolve these worries.
Ruthlessly, and equally for everyone.
★
Before I knew it, it had been six days since I arrived here.
The deadline was rapidly approaching.
Author's Note
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