Chapter 116: 4-4

"Welcome back, Maria!"

I was hugged tightly by Harry. It was suffocating, and when I patted him on the back with a laugh, he released me with a reluctant expression.

We were in Harry's room. Ron and Hermione were also there.

"I'm so glad you don't have any serious injuries. I heard Sirius was bedridden, though... Professor Lupin is looking after him, right? Why did you have to go too, Maria?"

"We met Neville's gran at the hospital! And then, Neville's mum—"

"We can talk about that later. Were you able to get Regulus's locket back, Maria?"

Since the three of them started talking all at once as if they'd coordinated it, I ended up retreating right back into the arms of Harry, whom I had just escaped from. Harry beamed.

"This is Regulus's locket."

"Voldemort hid something very similar to this in the lake, didn't he? And now Kreacher has it..."

"That seems to be the case."

Hermione carefully examined the locket. When opened, it was empty inside. —Because I had removed it. I couldn't let them know about the Horcruxes just yet. I plan to hand it over to Harry along with the other Horcruxes when the time is right. Sirius and Hermione... with their brilliant minds, I absolutely couldn't risk them figuring out the possibility that Harry himself is a Horcrux.

"Oh, I get it now. That locket must be the weapon of You-Know-Who that George overheard them talking about!"

"I don't think so. Voldemort is looking for a weapon he doesn't have yet. It wouldn't make sense for it to be something that already belonged to Voldemort himself."

Shot down so bluntly by Hermione, Ron sulked a little bit.

"But if that's the case, what was Voldemort's intention in hiding the locket? Is it some sort of incredibly important item—?"

...As expected of our brain, Hermione. If I let my guard down, she might arrive at the existence of Horcruxes all on her own.

While I was feeling genuinely anxious, Harry took the locket back from Hermione and stood up, pulling me up with him.

"Anyway, let's give it to Kreacher. I think Sirius intended to do that too. Then, we can have him exchange it for Voldemort's locket. Is that okay, Maria?"

"Whatever you wish, Harry."

I looked up at my brother, feeling a sense of relief in my chest. —Please, stay just the way you are.

Don't make a mistake.

Handed the locket once more by Harry, and receiving Harry's promise to destroy Slytherin's Locket—the one task he had been unable to fulfill—Kreacher broke down in tears again. Hermione cried in sympathy. From that day on, Kreacher's attitude undeniably softened. Although he still had the habit of muttering complaints, his feigned politeness had faded somewhat. And Sirius, too, stopped looking at Kreacher as if he were a dirty rag. It wasn't as if they suddenly had deep, meaningful interactions, but just that alone seemed to change the atmosphere in the house ever so slightly.

"Harry, Maria, are you ready?"

Sirius called out to us gently from the entranceway. Today, near the end of the Christmas holidays, thanks to Sirius's arrangements, we Potter siblings were scheduled to visit our parents' graves in Godric's Hollow. Of course, with a full escort. Shoving the Invisibility Cloak into Harry's pocket just in case, we mingled with the group of adults. By the front door, Kreacher bowed his head to see us off.

"I don't think they'll make a move just yet—but well, it never hurts to be careful."

We proceeded with Mad-Eye keeping a sharp lookout with both his eye and his nose. We arrived in front of our parents' graves without a single issue. Thanks to the Order members tactfully dispersing temporarily—though we knew they were undoubtedly standing by out of sight—it was just the three of us: Sirius, Harry, and me.

It was beautiful marble. It bore our parents' names, their birthdates, their dates of death, and beneath that was engraved, The last enemy that shall be destroyed is death.

...It's been a while. Dad, Mum.

"...I'm going to go take a look around."

"Harry? You can't go alone."

"I'll put the Invisibility Cloak on. I'll stay near Tonks and the others."

"Harry, wait!"

As Harry shook off the restraint and vanished, it was I who stopped Sirius from chasing after him.

I understood. Harry just couldn't bear it. Just like the 'me' from the past had been—he felt a crushing pain imagining our parents' deaths and the life we could have had in our hometown. 'I' had let time heal the pain, but this Harry was facing it for the very first time. It had been thrust vividly right before his eyes. The things that were stolen so unjustly. The life that should have been a given. That boy too—he desperately needed time.

"It's going to be okay."

Sirius reluctantly sat back down in front of the grave. He offered flowers and stared intently at the names carved into the headstone. Died—October 31, 1981. That day was surely the beginning of the worst nightmare for Sirius too.

"I've been thinking."

His fingers traced the letters of James's name.

"If what Kreacher says is true and he sank into the lake—then there is nothing beneath his grave."

I knew who he was talking about without having to ask. A grave with no body. Empty, a mere sham with a gravestone stuck in the earth—and Sirius's name carved upon it.

I knew it. I knew the emptiness. I knew the frustration. I knew the anger. A death where you cannot even recover the body of the one you love continues to carve into the hearts of those left behind.

"...Sirius, where would you rather sleep when your time comes?"

What a stupid thing to ask. The color drained from my face after I muttered that. However, Sirius remained calm and answered without chiding me.

"If I have the choice, I'd like to be with James and the others. And then, I'll wait for you two for a long, long time. Don't rush, now. Take plenty of time—let's see, make us wait until you're both older than Dumbledore."

I ended up laughing at such an unreasonable demand. Taking a deep breath, I squeezed Sirius's hand—and leaned close to his profile, traced with tears.

"Regulus. I'm sorry. I couldn't bring you back. It must be cold down there. It must have been terrifying. My brother, my one and only brother, Regulus—"

The wreath of flowers laid out for my father and mother swayed gently, as if comforting their best friend.

I can't catch up. I can't reach him. Don't go any further—I try to scream, but no voice comes out. The ominous veil flutters. The body of the one I cherish is being consumed. His soul is being separated. Even though I'm reaching out so far—I can't even graze him with a single fingertip.

Help. Bring him back. I hit the arms trying to hold me back. I struggle. Don't anyone get in my way.

I screamed.

"—Sirius!!"

"What is it?"

My outstretched hand was caught. The person I had kept chasing in my dream was right there. As I stared in a daze, the corner of my eye was stroked by his other hand. Sirius's fingers were wet.

"—irius."

"It's rare for you to sleep in this much, Maria. Harry is one thing, but you. Oh, Harry has already gone downstairs. He and Ron roped Remus in and are making a final push on their homework. They're probably getting grilled right about now. Remus is surprisingly spartan when it comes to that."

Even though I must have been covered in terrible night sweats, Sirius stroked my forehead and smiled softly. As I sat up, I realized he was sitting on the edge of the bed.

"Since when—? I—"

"Take a deep breath. —Everyone feels unsettled after having a nightmare."

Allowing myself to be pulled forward, I collapsed into Sirius's chest. A large hand patted my back. As if syncing with my breathing, his body heat slowly, soothingly blended with mine.

"—Maria. I'm just talking to myself here. This isn't directed at anyone in particular. Alright?"

"Huh? Yeah..."

I nodded, still in a daze. Gently restrained by his embrace, I couldn't look up at him.

"Suppose—just suppose that I were to meet my end—"

"Sirius, you're not going to die!!"

Acting on impulse, I shoved his chest away. The eyes Sirius looked at me with were as calm as a windless water surface.

Why would you say such a thing? Why would you look at me with those eyes?

"You're absolutely, definitely not going to die—! I won't let you die—!!"

I was bordering on frantic. The line between dream and reality was blurring.

"Maria. Calm down. ...As I said, I'm just talking to myself."

"Ah—"

He took my hands. His body heat grounded me. And then, Sirius repeated himself. Trapping me within his gaze, as if to make sure I couldn't escape.

"Suppose I do die. If it happens, I want it to be in order to protect someone. Rather than dying a meaningless death, I want it to be something that connects to the future."

"...No."

"Knowing me, I can't deny the possibility that I might just get carried away and die for nothing—but well, wanting to go out in a blaze of glory is just a man's nature, isn't it?"

"Stop it, Sirius."

"Anyway, if my death comes after protecting someone—protecting something truly precious—then I won't have any regrets."

"I said stop it!"

I flailed my arms. But Sirius wouldn't let go of my wrists.

No. I didn't want to hear it. I kept saying no. —I just wanted to run away from him.

"If I have no regrets—you mustn't mourn for me."

His words, sharp as a knife, relentlessly pierced right through me.

"Do not shoulder my selfishness. You kids have no obligation to do that. Be angry. Call me a man who did whatever he pleased—a conceited man who forced his ego on others."

Tears fell in large, stupid drops. It was so cruel. Denying me the right to grieve. Stealing everything away. Trying to take it all with him.

The sheer arrogance—trying to absolve me like that.

"That's just terrible."

I cried. I bawled like a child. With my face all scrunched up, snot running down, throwing away all sense of appearances, I just cried.

If I didn't cry now—this man would take my heart with him right through to the other side of the veil.

"It seems I am going to die."

At his best friend's seemingly mad words, Remus Lupin felt a chill run right down to his fingertips.

"I told you before that the kids' codependency would eventually get each other killed—or get someone close to them killed, right?"

"...Yes, you did. Over the summer holidays."

"It appears that someone is me."

"............"

Silence. Sirius Black cornered his last remaining best friend as if they were having a casual chat.

"—Did Maria say so?"

"No. It wasn't explicitly 'prophesied' to me. —But, seeing her toss and turn like that—seeing her cry like that, you just know."

There had been signs. To begin with, the eyes Maria looked at Sirius with were filled with deep affection—and occasionally wavered with the pain of nostalgia. It was a look that James could never have possessed.

Maria knows the future. Among Sirius, Remus, and Dumbledore, this was treated as a certainty. —As was the fact that she had some reason she stubbornly refused to reveal.

"I'm leaving the rest to you, Remus. Our exceptionally kind best friend."

Having continuously watched over his best friend's children from the time they were babies, deeply caring for them, and finally taking them into his home, Sirius had grown up tremendously. He had begun to show the face of a parent. And now—with the philosophical cruelty of one who goes first, he was pushing away the best friend he would leave behind.

"...You aren't even going to give me time to grieve?"

"I gave you time to prepare yourself instead. Nothing good ever comes from giving you too much time to think. Just keep yourself overwhelmed taking care of those two."

He smiled childishly. The man who had been fiercer than anyone else was casting a curse with a smile he only showed to his best friend. Don't follow me. Don't mourn for me. Even if you're left all alone—cling to those two heavy burdens and live on. That's what it meant.

"You're terrible."

To hide his failed attempt at a smile, Remus looked down, feeling utterly pathetic. Even so, Sirius laughed.

"Maria told me the same thing."