Chapter 57: Breath

Near the station, it was almost time for them to part ways.

Ishikawa Hayato glanced at the station and casually asked, "Bocchi, is it okay for you to return so late? Do you want me to walk you?"

Hitori was startled and waved her hands repeatedly.

"No, no, I'll be fine on my own."

"Then Bocchi, send me a message when you get home, don't forget. If it's too late and I don't hear from you, I'll come looking for you."

"Ah... mm..."

Hitori softly agreed, then suddenly became dejected.

Ishikawa Hayato looked at her, not knowing what was going on in her little head.

But a moment later, Hitori suddenly asked, "Hayato, why are you so good to someone like me...?"

Ishikawa Hayato knew very well.

Social anxiety makes one constantly fear, worry about others' opinions of her, doubt everyone, and question her own worth.

"As for that, let me tell you next time."

Ishikawa Hayato looked at Hitori, who had lowered her head as usual after hearing his words, and then asked her, "Bocchi, can I give you a hug?"

Hitori suddenly looked up, with an expression of doubting if she had heard correctly, then showed a look that was both happy and uneasy, while glancing around.

It was very close to the station, and there were many people coming and going.

Stylish people, unconventional people, glamorous people, ordinary students, office workers, others carrying musical instruments. She slowly blinked, and hesitantly whispered,

"...Okay."

Ishikawa Hayato, as if not noticing her thoughts, bent down slightly, rested his head on her shoulder, and wrapped his arms around her back through her guitar bag.

He hugged the girl who hadn't been hugged by anyone in a long time.

Amidst her anxious, slight trembling, he said, "Bocchi did very well today."

As his voice faded, the girl's body seemed to suppress its trembling, becoming much calmer.

Ishikawa Hayato released her, preparing to stand up, but Hitori suddenly reached out her hand, then immediately lowered it.

Looking at Hitori's gaze, Ishikawa Hayato patted her head.

"Next time." Then he spread his hands, as if to show the situation around them, and said to her, "See, nothing here has changed, has it?"

Hitori just looked at Ishikawa Hayato, at his free and easy demeanor, at his unrestrained smile, at the people coming and going behind him who only paused their gaze on him briefly, but never stopped their steps.

"Mm."

Hitori nodded, her gaze somewhat lost in thought.

Yes, this place under her feet was no different.

What was different was her, realizing her own thoughts.

...

The rhythmic sound of the shaking train echoed in her ears.

It was a very fast, unsettling sound.

Yet, listening to it, she felt a sense of peace in her heart.

Her guitar rested between her legs, her cloth bag on her lap, Hitori sat primly on the train seat.

From afar, her pink long hair, pink tracksuit, and small figure looked extremely cute.

But up close, her gloomy aura and wary gaze gave the impression of pushing people away.

On the seat, Hitori's gaze was lost in thought, looking at the delicate texture of the canvas bag in her lap, as if contemplating something important.

After a long while, she suddenly snapped back to reality, nervously pulling at her collar and sniffing.

She didn't know what scent she smelled, but her gaze lowered as if in disappointment.

Then, her eyes slowly moved to her shoulder.

After much hesitation, she looked around and, seeing no one was paying attention to her, she raised her arm and lowered her head to sniff the spot on her shoulder that still seemed to carry warmth, revealing an expression of curiosity and unsatisfied longing.

Soon, she inhaled deeply again, pressing her cheek against the smooth, cool fabric of her tracksuit.

She showed a radiant expression, hugging her shoulders and excitedly twisting her waist.

A moment later, she came back to her senses, slapping her cheeks hard with both hands.

Then something occurred to her, and her expression became calm.

Inside the clattering but quiet train, she hesitated, muttering to herself, "Did I... do very well?"

She doubted in her heart.

'Could this level really be considered doing well?'

This was probably just barely getting past the water flea, not even reaching the starting line for humans yet.

'But to what extent would it be considered doing well?'

'To Kita-chan's extent?'

She felt she could never achieve that.

'Progress, effort, what were they, ultimately?'

Although she was very happy, Hitori still remembered her nervousness when facing customers.

'Next time, and the time after, would doing well be enough?'

She looked up at the lights on the train, the dazzling pure white lights, and after a few seconds, she felt uncomfortable looking at them.

'Hayato...'

She silently repeated his name in her heart.

It was as if various things were gathering and merging in her chest, then slowly extending, making her long to be close to someone.

It was different from the fleeting feeling of liking someone.

Once she paid attention to it, she couldn't tolerate being alone anymore.

This feeling felt like it had only started sprouting this night, yet it felt like it had been there for a long time, giving the emotions she felt towards him a sense of uniqueness.

She replayed his actions, his expressions, in her mind.

The more she thought, the more emotions gathered in her chest, yet the calmer she became, but her thoughts became difficult to keep calm.

"What should I do...?"

The girl let out a troubled sound on the train.

...