Chapter 23:

Chapter 23

~~~~~~Ya Xue~~~~~~

I looked down on the sleeping man and tried to gently nudge him awake.

"Tai Su, it's your turn to stay on guard." I said softly as I was slowly nudging him awake.

The night was dark and the only thing left awake besides myself was the ice blooded. I could feel her sight on me and a faint aftertaste on my tongue I couldn't decipher.

"Men are difficult to wake up, my brothers are similar." She, no, It declared with faint amusement in her tone.

It has tried to start a conversation with me for as logn as I've been awake but I kept ignoring the creature.

Ice Blooded are not people, but demons looking to betray all that you have built and burn it. They're worse than merchants, as merchants could at the very least abandon their unvirtuous ways to become something respectable. The Ice Blooded are born without virtue and no matter how much they may pretend they won't ever gain any.

I continued trying to wake Tai Su up, but it was difficult to do so as Bao was also in his arms and I quite frankly did not wish to wake her up, as she was the one that woke me up in the first place.

"I am curious, can you feel my emotions like your leader?" It asked again.

I could feel her brown eyes trying to peer into my green ones and I started to think on whether or not to stop my attempts at waking Tai Su for now.

"I can feel something, not sure if it's my imagination or not but I can feel that you are a cultivator and your siblings aren't." I answered finally as I continued gently nudging the sleeping man.

And wasn't that a relief? I thought I was going crazy and hearing things that weren't there, instead it's this new sense. It feels like whispers, but sang through an instrument. The words are not words, but impressions, and if I don't pay attention to it properly I can pretend they're not there, right until I hear them again and they startle me.

I want to know why the little bastard decided to not only not tell me he can hear something the others can't and why he decided to reveal such an advantage to an Ice Blooded.

"Ya Xue was it? Tell me, would you be willing to swap stories?" It asked.

I sighed and stopped trying to wake Tai Su up for now and considered if I should just kill her to be safe, but then I slapped myself lightly to stop the thought from taking over..

I am not somebody that kills that easily. I've never killed before and yet killing her is something that feels no different than breathing and it's only the fact that Tai Su wants to do something with her that put a stop to my willingness to kill the Ice Blooded.

Why did my mind just go for killing as my first option?

"That depends, what guarantee I have that you won't just lie about whatever story you choose to share?" I responded promptly

I could her soft giggling and that for some reason calmed me down.

"Why is you giggling calming me down?" I asked simply.

"We are having a friendly conversation like normal girls do and I am not mocking you in any way, most women and girls find this comforting. Whatever cultivation did to you to make you more like me did not remove your conditioning. You are used to reacting a certain way to certain things and some small talk and some soft giggling from a friendly face or voice when you're tired is relaxing to hear and so your body reacts accordingly." She answered softly.

"That makes no sense." I replied unconvinced.

"It doesn't make sense to me either, but you have routines, when you hear your parents voice saying specific things, you have a specific response that's not there when somebody else says it. The giggling of a girl that hasn't slighted you is relaxing to you and most other women and so you relax." She explained with what I thought was a shrug.

That was reassuring in a way, that all I was before wasn't lost in a single moment, but a question remained.

"And did you try it on the others as well?" I asked.

"Yes, I knew that your friends' husbands would not let their wives be awake and alone with a man while they slept, so I used that to make sure I am awake when all three of you are awake." She admitted readily.

"Why?"

Why would she want to do that?

"Experimenting, there's few tricks I can try on the men to see what I am dealing with that I can safely do, but women seem purpose build for small talk and gossiping and so I am trying it on them to see how to deal with my own brothers when they end up like you." She admitted.

"Why do they even follow you like that? Do they not know what being an ice blooded means?" I asked her.

Ice Blooded have no sense of loyalty or community, everyone knows this. Why would someone be willing to follow someone is a mystery to me.

"I remember my father's words before he was killed by one of your former bannermen when I asked him why do people have children. He didn't know what I was and he was looking over the three of us once mother died in childbirth trying to bring a new sibling into the world. His explanation on love or loyalty fell on deaf ears as all other explanations, but he did tell me that the younger generation looks after the old. And so I decided to look after them, so that if I'm ever not able to look after myself anymore they will." She explained.

I giggled at that, that is the single least flattering way to describe filial duty, look after those younger than yourself so that you have someone to look after yourself when you are old. Whoever uses that definition as a reason to look after another will stop the moment they have any other means of getting someone to look after them when infirm.

No wonder an ice-blooded chose it, it's the least important reason to look after somebody else.

"That's such a shallow reason." I replied giggling.

"It's the only one that makes sense to me." She said nonchalantly.

"Somehow I am not surprised, but fair is fair, ask what you wish of me, you did give me your life story."

"Why did you leave your bannermen behind? I remember you, you held the Banner and I read what that means and yet you are among lemon bannermen, I thought the two of you hated each other." She asked with curiosity I could hear with more than just my ears.

"They said that I was trying to move beyond my station, and as I am the only one of my clan at this examination I had nobody else to join. Tai Su took me in as he believed for some reason that us both being bannermen, even if of different banners, meant we should stick together." I explained.

I still don't understand why he did that and probably never will. Our banners hated each other and yet he still decided to take me into his squad.

"I don't understand honor, but I did study the banners once I learned how to read. I considered them a possible place for my brothers and then I learned how they recruit and that idea died quickly. I thought I understood the 'honor' of upholding the banner though. It was pretty obvious what that meant when most of the bannermen whined when it was their turn to hold it as the banner must never touch the ground when there's bannermen to hold it." She answered.

I sighed at that, neither she nor Tai Su fully believed me, even if she didn't for a different reason.

"What do you think about being seen and recognized, not you, but your siblings. What do you think it would give them?" I asked.

"More trouble and greater risk to myself. A bannermen's salary is enough for a decent family to live off easily and comes with few strings attached compared to what it offers, there no reason to want for more." She answered promptly.

Somehow I was surprised by the answer even if I shouldn't be.

"For most people, being seen is a privilege. Many hold ambition in their eyes, they believe themselves worthy of much more than they have and all they need is a chance to be noticed and have someone give them the chance to be great. For them, me being seen and noticed by the sect leader was me trying to make myself seen by him and take their chance at being more than they otherwise would have." I continued.

"So they felt as if you took an opportunity from them? Did they think that just because you held a flag then that means you'll be given some privilege?" She asked curiously.

"No, but tell me, if there were limited spots for a given position and you needed to fill, who would they go to?" I asked.

"To those loyal to me naturally, or are you telling me that that's not how things are done?" She answered with a scoff.

"No, that's exactly how things are done, but then what happens when you have more than one individual that is loyal to yourself capable of filling the post and not enough positions for all of them?" I asked again.

I could hear that she started to hum as she considered my question.

"You… you would need to find a reason to pick one over the others… to make themselves… noteworthy in some way." She replied, her voice filled with wonder as if she's managed to find the missing piece in a puzzle that stumped her for hours.

I nodded at that, now she gets it.

"Yes, all of us were equally worthless in front of the sect leader, but those with great ambition wanted any possible way to make themselves be seen and when they saw me just go and pick it up while they were arguing I shined too bright and had to be brought down." I said tiredly.

It hasn't been that long since then. I remember it clearly, the entire day, from the moment I was told I have water meridians to the moment I was shunned by my fellow children of the banner and taken by the lemons of all people. I'm not sure if I regret it, I don't think I can regret it still.

"Why did you do it?" She asked curiously.

"Do what? Join the lemons? They were the only ones that would take me in as you know my Banner's reputation." I answered.

"Why did you pick it up? The banner I mean. Did you want to be noticed?" She asked curiously.

"I don't know." I answered.

I truly didn't. All I know is that I saw the lemons take up their banner first and then the only thing left on my mind was my grandmother's harsh voice shouting at me about never letting the lemons one-up me and in the next blink the sect master was landing. It was instinct more than anything and even now I can't say why I did because I still don't know how that happened, let alone why.

"I see, well I suppose it's time to wake the boys up." She said.

I felt something from her, doubt I think? Whatever Tai Su feels it's certainly easier to parse than what I have.

"And how do you wish to do that? Neither of them seem inclined to do so?" I asked back.

"Take a small stick and break it by the man's ear, that wakes them up every time." She answered.

That made absolutely no sense, but I did as she asked and looked for a small stick near me. Wish I knew another way to keep wake him up, but we did not normally keep watch like this and only did because of the Ice Blooded.

"Why would that work when me trying to nudge him awake won't?" I asked.

"Men don't hear voices right. You can shout at them and they won't hear it if they're not paying attention, but when something breaks they can sleep and they'll hear it. Men are weird like that." She said.

Shortly after her brother woke up if the shuffling was any indication.

I found a stick shortly after and put it by Tai Su's ear and broke it hoping it'll work.

"Huh?" The man said as he woke up.

I could barely hear the stick breaking and yet it's him that reacted more strongly.

The Ice Blooded knew too many strange things, but now that Tai Su is awake it's not my problem anymore.

"It's your turn to keep watch, I need to sleep." I told him and proceeded to pull up my blanket.

I am far too tired to think straight. I actually thought of the Ice Blooded as a person and not a creature which meant that I'm no longer capable of keeping watch.

"Sleep tight, I'll look over the rest you." He said as he disentangled from Bao.

I went back to sleep, now they're his problem to handle, I trusted him to know what to do and the last thing I wanted was to need to figure out what to do about the ice blooded and her kin.