Chapter 172: Maria Potter and the Deathly Hallows 【End】
A girl stood there. She had deep, red hair and a thin, undernourished body. Though she was a girl, she wore a Hogwarts boy's uniform and carried herself like a boy. She had hazel eyes—it was her.
The girl stood there.
"Shall we walk a little, Harry?"
Cradling Tom, Maria smiled. With my face—no, with her face. In her arms, Tom continued to shy away from the light, groaning pitifully and wretchedly. Just the sight of it made me grimace in visceral disgust. But she continued to hold Tom, acting as if nothing was wrong.
"Are you... Maria Potter?"
"That's right, Harry Potter."
"Why... Then, I am—"
—A chill ran down my spine. I felt as though I had arrived at a terrifying truth.
Maria Potter existed. A Maria Potter who was not me, possessing a firm sense of self, answering that she was Maria. The seventeen-year-old girl thrust the reality upon me that she was Maria.
If so, then I... I, Harry... For all this time. To her.
"Did I... kill you?"
Slowly, Maria shook her head.
"No, that's not true, Harry. I have always been with you."
We left the common room. The end of the spiral staircase supporting Gryffindor Tower was so dazzlingly bright that nothing could be seen. It was pure white.
"I was with you. I grew up alongside you. Yes... unwillingly, we were in a state like each other's Horcrux, just like 'Harry' was. The centaur called it a curse."
"No!"
I shouted instinctively. Bathed in the light, Maria's eyes were gentle.
"You are the one who is cursed! And I am the curse that torments you! If that story is true, then I was the Voldemort to you—"
I couldn't possibly accept it. Me as a woman. Because Maria, the girl, is right here. —Because I was nothing more than a 'parasite' nesting inside Maria.
I should have thought about it. From the very day I was called Maria Potter. I was unquestionably Harry, so then what was Maria? What had become of the Maria that had been overwritten by Harry?
"Why was I 'Maria'—?"
Step by step, she descended the stairs. The light grew stronger. The fussing Tom held his breath in her arms, as if terrified.
"Originally, we were born in a distorted state, with two souls in a single body. Though there was only one body, we couldn't both live with our own free will. Therefore, eventually, it had to be decided which of us would take control as Maria Potter—"
"And I stole that control from you! From you, the rightful owner!"
"No. That's not it, Harry. The one who decided whether it would be Harry or Maria—was Draco."
"..."
Maria stopped in the light. Tom whimpered even more. Crying pitifully. Begging. —None of that mattered anymore.
The only one, the person who knew everything and yet knew nothing.
"He called 'me' by this name. —Harry."
On the day of our reunion, which was also our first meeting, pointing at Maria Potter—whose appearance, gender, name, existence, and life were all that of a different person—the great sinner of creation called out. He decreed it. —That you are Harry Potter.
Another story of Harry Potter, who had acquired Maria, began with his words.
"How could that..."
I stopped alongside Maria, but I couldn't look at her boundlessly gentle gaze. I felt that I wouldn't be forgiven unless I looked at something much filthier, so my eyes naturally fell to the ugly infant. Standing before her, Tom and I were probably exactly alike.
"Don't make that face, Harry. If anything, I want to apologize to you. Because I was unstable, you ended up being swayed by a 'me' who wasn't even there."
"What do you mean?"
"I told you, didn't I? I was growing up alongside you. When you—no, when that physical body was eleven, I was exactly eleven too, and when you were fifteen, I was fifteen as well. Even though you were already an adult, I was the one who kept shaking your spirit like a child's. My sorrow, my frustration, my anger always dragged you down with me. —You cried in my place."
The reason Maria remained unstable, emotional, and acting her age, compared to Draco, who remained relatively calm as an adult... It was precisely because she was Maria. Because she was Maria Potter, not Harry Potter.
"Ah, but let me defend myself on this one thing. —The one who cried for Sirius was you, Harry."
With affection. With a face that knew no inequality. Bearing a child that could be called a curse.
Looking at Maria, who remained utterly pure and uncorrupted by anything, my heart let out a lingering scream.
"—In the end,"
Suddenly, I realized Dumbledore was gone. There was no one left in the common room. It was only me, Maria, and Tom wandering this pure white world.
"In the end, it doesn't change the fact that I stole your life. You should be angry. You should hate me. Hate me for taking you away—"
"You say the strangest things. How could I hate myself?"
"Eh—?"
Click. Leather shoes resumed their steps. The end was still out of sight.
"I am you, Harry. I am you, who received the name Maria. I am you, who is neither Harry Potter nor a hero. I am you, created by you to take this child away. Harry Potter is Maria's creator."
And so, Maria beautifully condemned her god, Harry.
"It is only natural that Maria, not Harry, embraces death. —Because you created me to do exactly that."
A boy and a girl, divided. Originally a single child. The girl would stay close. She would accompany the one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord until her dying breath. She would embrace death—
"Ah..."
Neither can live while the other survives. The divided children could not live at the same time.
"Trelawney's Prophecy... it was about you and me."
"Exactly. About Harry and Maria. —About you and me."
Readjusting her grip on Tom as if he were precious, Maria closed the distance between us.
"Please don't take my reason for existence away from me. To be denied by you, Harry, who brought Maria into being, would mean complete and utter death for Maria. A true death. —Don't reduce me to nothing, Harry."
"Maria."
"My sweet Harry. My self who yearns to be loved. Since it was you who made me as Maria, let me exist for your sake until the very end."
"That's so cruel."
"It is. You are cruel. But even so, I love you. Maria loves Harry more than anything."
"—Because I created you?"
"Yes, because you wished for it."
How selfish. How cruel. How arrogant. How self-centered. How—just like me.
"That is the kind of existence Maria is. Let's see—if I were to phrase it like Hermione, you programmed me that way when you made me. No matter what happens, Maria will always be on your side, Harry, and will always affirm you."
The reason I could truly love 'Harry' even while hating myself wasn't just because we were siblings. —It was because Maria swallowed even my own emotions and loved Harry. And that reached all the way to me.
To think I envied Harry for having a sibling like Maria—what a ridiculous jealousy. I had Maria by my side this whole, whole time too.
"I'm so unfair, aren't I."
"Absolutely. But, Harry, please don't regret it. Acknowledge me, Maria. Accept me. And then—mourn for me."
And then, for the first time, Maria spoke with emotions in her eyes that belonged solely to her.
"My Harry. I wanted to be your eternal scar."
"Maria..."
"You, who created me to save someone who wasn't you, all while begging me to love you. You, who forged a version of yourself to die for this child. —This is the one and only wish of me, Maria, whose entire existence was for the sake of your prayers and hypocrisy. Only you know me, and only you will never be able to forget me."
I could see the end of the light. There was an open door. Only eleven steps remained on the staircase of life.
"We really can't trade places, can we?"
"Not as long as you are Harry. To you, this child is a symbol of fear. An existence that thrust the 'impossible' upon you. It taught you defeat—it is something that Harry will never be able to save, even from now on."
Five steps left. Maria stopped, and we pressed our foreheads together, laughing quietly just like we used to when we were alone in the cupboard under the stairs on Privet Drive, playing secret games under a blanket. The hero Harry wasn't there, and everyone's Maria wasn't there. It was just a tiny Harry and Maria.
"Are you really—are you really okay with this? With a life like this—where no one will ever call you Maria?"
"You will call me."
"I'm the only one who knows you!"
"Because I am your scar alone."
Between us, Tom writhed. Maria embraced me, Tom and all.
"I'll give you everything. My name. This body. This heart. I will return every tie that makes up Maria back to you. Everything, everything—I've left all that Maria gained back there. From here on out, it will be just an empty me and this child moving forward, so please, accept it."
One step left.
"—Even so, I don't want to lose Maria."
"Harry."
I grabbed Maria's arm to stop her.
"Just as you are an existence that unconditionally loves Harry, I love Maria too. I refuse to accept parting with my family like this."
Embracing both Tom and Maria, I stood before the open door.
"So, come back to me. My sweet Maria. Next time, as your own, single self. For that—I will accept myself as a woman. I will fully utilize this gender that you have yielded to me."
"...Harry."
"I won't take your name. I'll merely look after it. To return it to you eventually—I will hold it close and cherish it. Until the time you return, I will be your Maria, for your sake."
Turning my back to the door. Just one step. In one step, I—Maria and Tom, will be gone.
"You're such a fool, my little brother."
"Well, I am your older brother, after all."
Exchanging our familiar banter, we placed a prayerful kiss on each other's forehead. It feels like I'm kissing myself—I had long since accepted that I was Maria to the point where I thought of it so naturally.
"Alright, it's a request from my beloved Harry, after all. Maria will listen to whatever Harry asks. Because I am a Maria who lives for you. —I'll come back to you with a wonderful souvenir."
"A souvenir?"
"—I'll find Scorpius and bring him back for you. I am Maria, after all. I will become a guide for the souls swimming in the vast ocean. I will become a guiding star, burning brilliantly with life."
Maria's hand tapped against my chest as we faced each other. If I let go of my strength, I would plunge headlong into the light in the next moment.
"So, you'd better get your proposal to him over with quickly, Harry."
Her hazel eyes narrowed mischievously. Just like Dad's. —Just like mine.
Well then.
"I'm off, Boku/me (Harry)."
"Have a safe journey, Watashi/me (Maria)."
So that at the end of a long, long journey, you can say 'I'm home' to me—and so I can say 'Welcome back.'
Goodbye, me.
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